'AITA for making my wife do all the chores since she used the chore money for herself?'
"AITA for making my wife do all the chores since she used the chore money for herself?"
I work out of town at a very physically demanding job. Strangely enough I am really lazy. But I make lots of money so I have no problem paying for people to do all my housework and yard work. I have a cleaning lady and a kid that mows my lawn and shovels the snow.
My wife knew all of this throughout our relationship. I didn't keep it a secret or anything. She actually seemed to appreciate that my place was always clean when she came over and that there was more than just pickles and beer in my fridge.
She lived with her parents to save money while she paid off her student loans. We discussed her living with me or even just in my house while I was gone but she wouldn't go for it. Her family is very traditional.
Anyways we got married in September and she finally moved in with me. She is amazing and I am stunned by how hard a worker she is. I also offered to pay off the remaining balance on her student loans but she won't agree to that.
What she did agree to though was to take over housekeeping and shopping in return for the money I used to pay my housekeeper being added to her budget. It kind of sucked but a couple of the guys I work with took her on so she is okay.
The problem is her dad is big on doing all the work around his house. I am not. I pay people to clean my gutters. I pay plumbers, electricians, whatever. I work extremely hard for 14 days in a row and when I'm home I want to relax. I want to walk my dog and not much more. My dog lived with my parents when I worked but now he is home with my wife.
Since we got married late in the year my lawn didn't need to be mowed after our honeymoon. We have had a weird year for snow. Like we just got our first big dump. And since I was coming home last night she told the kid not to shovel. And she kept the money. Whatever, we are a partnership. She can make decisions like that.
However, despite whatever her dad has to say about it, I don't shovel. I could get hurt, or worse sweaty. So this morning I made sure she knew that if the snow wasn't removed in 48 hours we would get a citation from the city. They would send out a crew to shovel and we would be charged for it at city union labor rates.
She said I could shovel. I said I could but I wouldn't since I had budgeted for someone else to do it. She ended up having to do it herself. She tried calling the kid but he was going to school so he couldn't do it until afterwards but he had other clients to take care of.
She is mad at me because I could have shoveled. I fully could have. But I didn't want to. I never want to. That's why I pay other people to do that stuff. I don't even like that I have to unload the dishwasher now. I used to just throw dishes in there and they would end up in the cupboard. AITA for assuming that if she took the money for a job then she would take responsibility for that job getting done?
This is what people had to say to OP:
tubsgotchubs said:
Nta but if you're used to things being done then don't give the money to your wife, give it to people who will do it. Tbh, I wish my hubby would do this!! Then more time for hobbies lol
Savings-Breath-9118 said:
NTA but I think you should keep hiring people to do chores and not give your wife the money to do them. I don’t think she respects the fact that you don’t and can’t do some of the work that her dad does.
OP responded:
I could do that work . I just don't want to.
Amazing_Reality2980 said:
NTA if she's going to pocket the money, then she needs to do the chores. She doesn't get to pocket the money then insist you do the chores. If she doesn't want to do the chores, then pay the people you hired to do them. Your wife's being the @$$h@le here.
keephopealive4you said:
Stop letting her control who does what work. It’s your home too and she can’t tell people not to do the job you’re paying them for and then expect you to do it. You guys need to have a deeper discussion and come to an agreement about the chores and what will be paid for. This issue isn’t going to resolve itself. Also, NTA. If she kept the money for the service, then she needs to do the service.
SmokingFoxx said:
NTA- my husband does do those chores for us but if we could afford it I would rather pay someone else to do it so he's not so exhausted and stressed and we could have more time for ourselves and each other.
And AvocadoJazzlike3670 said:
NTA but you need a sit down with your wife and she needs to accept how you pay people to do the things you don’t want to do and that’s okay. If she wants to live with a man that handles things like daddy she can move back home
K8t_is_Awesome1 said:
YTA. Sounds almost like financial mistreatment. She works full time also, and you make much more than she does. Instead of being equitable and maybe just helping her with extra cash, you essentially make your wife work a second job doing household chores you're too lazy to do. Plus, the whole thing reads like you're trying to teach her some erroneous lesson after a one time thing. It's gross.
OP responded:
Did you read where I offered to completely pay off her student loans no strings attached? Super abusive and controlling with the money I earn. She pays basically for nothing. She pays for half the groceries despite eating 3/4 of them. She pays for her car and her student loans. Please show me the mistreatment. She doesn't have to do chores. I was paying someone else to do all of them FOR BOTH OF US.