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"AITA for making my wife ride in the backseat?"
This happened over the holidays and my wife is still upset with me over it. Our family went to visit my in-laws for New Year's. It's about a 3-4 hour drive. Mostly highway but it takes us through two metro areas with pretty significant traffic. My wife (37F) gets nervous about driving in traffic so I always drive when we visit her family.
She also tends to get car sick on longer drives and needs to sit in the front seat to help ease it. She has tried taking Dramamine in the past but she's had an allergic reaction to it so she doesn't take it anymore.
I love my wife with all my heart, but she is not good sitting shotgun. She makes huge reactions to any change in traffic. Grabbing the handle, putting her hand on the dash, gasping, telling me to watch out, etc. It's not like I'm an aggressive or risky driver. I've never gotten a speeding ticket or been in an accident.
But if there's a car a half mile ahead of us that puts on their brakes, she freaks out and acts like we're all about to die. It's incredibly distracting. I've talked to her multiple times about how her reactions actually makes it more difficult for me to concentrate on driving but she says she can't control herself because she's nervous in traffic.
On the way to her family's place she sat up front with me and traffic was pretty bad. Lots of slowdowns due to weather conditions and in general just kind of slow going. But I've been driving in cold weather my whole life and know how to control my speed and give lots of extra space to any surrounding cars.
I understand that you can't control anyone else on the road and that accidents happen, but I do everything in my control to keep my car and the people inside safe. The entire drive my wife was on edge making all the reactions I mentioned. It's very distracting to have someone next to you doing that sort of thing while driving.
I mentioned this to my wife numerous times on the drive and she always deflected blame at me for the way I was driving. When we were getting ready to head home, I told my wife she needs to sit in the back and our 14-year-old son will sit up front with me. I told her it's either that or she drives us home.
She got upset with me and started giving excuses about her car sickness. I told her to take some Nyquil or something else to help her sleep but she refused and told me I'm being a jerk.
I told her that she can drive then and she refused that too. Eventually, she reluctantly got in the backseat with our 11-year-old daughter. The ride home was much easier traffic-wise and my wife sat pretty much silent in the backseat the entire time, pouting.
When we got home she told me that she felt ill the entire drive but didn't say anything because she "didn't want to make a big deal out of anything." She told me I humiliated her by making her sit in the back and that I should be more considerate of her feelings.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
DetectiveDippyDuck said:
NTA. She just proved that she can control herself. It's a Christmas miracle.
rygdav said:
NTA, funny how she could control her uncontrollable reactions from the backseat.
Piper6728 said:
NTA. She sounds like she has major issues and needs a professional, she was an actual danger with all her distractions.
SneakyRaid said:
NTA, her reactions can very easily cause the accidents she's so scared about, and that's worlds worse than a little "humiliation." Her ego has to take the backseat in this, this is literally about keeping yourselves and your kids alive and well.
Urbanyeti0 said:
NTA as a driver you have to concentrate on a plethora of things at once and having someone freaking out beside you can be a huge distraction. She’s got to get her reactions under control otherwise it risks all your lives.
chameleonsEverywhere said:
NTA. She is actually creating danger by distracting you. I'm an anxious passenger so I feel for her, but she needs to learn to keep her anxieties to herself.