'AITA for unintentionally making people hate my coworker because I told the truth about what she did to me & my family?'
"AITA for unintentionally making people hate my coworker because I told the truth about what she did to me & my family?"
unhinged_borderline
First, the context: I (21) was recently in a mild car accident with my coworker (not sure how old she is but at least 40 probably). I would regularly give her (and others) rides from work because she lives really close and I didn’t mind sparing her the money she’d spend on a taxi.
I don’t own the car, it is my parent’s, but it gets really good gas mileage and driving 2 miles isn’t a big deal to me (with their permission). I was just trying to be kind and do people a favor.
While others expressed gratitude and respect for me, she kind of took advantage of me and expected it from me because I have trouble saying no. 3-4 times she told me, not asked me, to stop at a store/gas station for her to get snacks and cigarettes.
Again I struggle to say no, especially when someone intimidates me; I shouldn’t have done it so that’s on me ig, but still she took advantage of me regularly because she knew she could. The car accident was not my fault in the slightest, someone ran a stop sign on a road where I didn’t have a stop sign and I was going the speed limit.
Luckily, I was paying attention and was able to hit the brakes in time, so the bumper was a little messed up, but there was no serious damage. The driver and passenger of the other car were very hostile to us and my coworker was saying she was gonna sue them.
She didn’t look like she was in pain, she was standing and walking fine but just said “oh my back hurts a little” and seemed to find it funny. The impact wasn’t super hard, it’s not like anybody else got whiplash or anything.
She was even joking around and laughing with the police officer about how she was “gonna get her check”, he offered her an ambulance and she said she was fine and that wasn’t necessary. She ended up going to the hospital a day later, I’m pretty sure that was solely for having a medical record of it, but I don't know what the doctor said/diagnosed.
I honestly didn’t think she was seriously injured because she had no mobility issues or obvious pain, but I can’t prove that of course. Even though I thought it was bs, I still checked in on her the next couple days to see how she was doing and she told me she was okay.
A week or two afterwards, her and another coworker were kinda aggressively pestering me to get a lawyer to sue them “so they can’t sue me first”, but they had no grounds to sue and I just didn’t think that was necessary or worth the time and effort, and I had no desire to cause harm to them.
Now onto the real problem: I found out recently that my coworker is suing me/my insurance company, not the other driver. She was aware that my family’s financial situation is very poor, just barely making it by paycheck to paycheck, and that we were already on thin ice with our insurance so I was super anxious about the accident.
She was fully aware that a lawsuit would seriously destroy my entire family. Because my brother got in 3 no fault accidents within the last 3 years, one totaling his car, our insurance bill was very high and we were kind of hanging on by a thread with that company.
I guess the lawsuit was their last straw, so they dropped us, and by November we will be uninsured. We’re not eligible for new insurance until the lawsuit is settled, and since it’s illegal to have a car on a loan uninsured, there is a possibility of my parents losing their cars.
My entire family is in an unbearable level of stress because no cars means we can’t get to our jobs without spending a small fortune on public transportation. My job is 24 miles away, and my brother’s job is impossible to do without a car, so there is a possibility of us losing our jobs and almost half of the household income.
Again, my coworker was aware of all of this before filing the lawsuit. Why I think I might be the asshole: I told 3 of my coworkers about the lawsuit. 2 of them because I see them as friends that I can trust, and they had asked me about what was going on with the accident.
I was vague at first with the details, but it’s been eating me alive with the stress, so it kind of came pouring out and I said more than I needed to. The 3rd coworker, that also knew about the accident, asked me for a ride to the train station so I explained that I’m not allowed to give people rides anymore because of the lawsuit so we had to take the work van instead.
I didn’t tell her as much about it, but still I didn’t NEED to tell her about the lawsuit. I could’ve just blamed it on the accident itself. All 3 of them promised they wouldn’t tell anyone, and I believe them so I don’t expect rumors/drama to spread around.
None of them particularly liked her anyway because she just isn’t a friendly person and can be pretty stand-offish, so I wasn’t ruining friendships or anything, but it definitely worsened their opinions of her.
For more clarification, I wasn’t talking smack or calling her names or anything, just saying factually what happened. One of the coworkers I told blocked her phone number. I told her not to but she said it was her own decision and not my fault, and she promised that she wouldn’t say anything about me if she gets asked why she blocked her.
The one filing the lawsuit called the work phone 4 times during our shift to try to speak to the one that blocked her, but she didn’t answer the phone. I also told our manager about the situation, both because I thought it was necessary to disclose, and because I wanted to make sure I wouldn’t lose my job if I took a temporary leave of absence due to the transportation issue.
She’s a per diem worker, sort of a substitute that works at other locations as well, so this manager isn’t her direct supervisor. She already didn’t like the coworker because allegedly she has caused problems with several other employees.
My manager called her disgusting and was almost more upset than I was, and agreed that it was really messed up to knowingly harm someone who was doing her a favor.
She even offered me permission to record her discreetly if I wanted to have proof of her functioning as normal, gave me info to contact an insurance agent, and gave me the phone number for HR to get proof that she hasn’t missed work because of the injury.
(I didn’t ask for any of this, she offered it). I may be naive, but I’m not an idiot, and I’m so hurt that I only ever showed her kindness and empathy and she took advantage of me for her own benefit.
I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt the day I found out and that there may be some mistake, as she said she would be suing the other person and my legal name is not the name I use at work, but she’s been ignoring my texts even though she’s always on her phone and refuses to give me the contact info of the witness.
She definitely knows what she’s doing and how this is impacting me and is intentionally avoiding me so that I have no defense in the lawsuit. I did her a favor over and over again for several months, asking for nothing in return, and she showed zero appreciation for it and screwed me over as much as she possibly could.
I feel really guilty now because it wasn’t necessary for me to keep talking about it, and even though it made me feel better/validated, it’s none of their business and I don't know if it was wrong for me to involve them.
While the lady kind of deserves it, I wasn’t trying to make anyone hate her. So finally, am I an AH for telling people that weren’t involved about what my coworker did to me and my family?
Edit for clarification: when I say am I the ahole I was not trying to imply that my actions were more wrong than hers, what she did was incomparable to me talking about it and I understand now that I am not wrong for that.
I just needed to hear from an outside perspective that it wasn’t unfair or petty of me to do so, specifically with people that work with her, but thank you all for the reassurance and the kind words.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
FlorenceFlicker
NTA. You sahred your truth, because you were almost being overwhelmed, how is that an ahole move?
unhinged_borderline (OP)
I tend to be a people pleaser and value others feelings over my own, even if they have wronged me, so I felt guilty for talking about it with people who weren’t involved and didn’t need to know about it.
I don’t think talking about it is comparable to what she did, but I just needed some reassurance that it wasn’t petty or wrong of me to confide in people that work with her rather than friends outside of my job.
LittleStarClove
She deserves everything coming her way. Take up your manager's offer. Don't give her any more opportunities to scr3w you over.
Samba_of_Death
NTA. Why would you feel like that person is somehow entitled to your protection? If you don't want your coworker to tell people you're messing with them for profit, just don't destroy them over for profit. It's not rocket science.
unhinged_borderline (OP)
Realistically I know I don’t owe her anything, and part of me knew that I’m not doing anything wrong by simply telling the truth, but I still felt guilt over it because I wasn’t trying to cause harm regardless of the fact that she deserves it.
Mental-Phone-572
NTA- but you need to take advantage of everything your manager offered you so your family doesn't lose everything to that witch. Stop caring about the lady who is actively trying to hurt you.