'AITA for making a snarky comment after my boundaries were overlooked?' 'The room was filled with awkwardness.'
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"AITA for making a snarky comment after my boundaries were overlooked?"
Me (22F) & my girlfriend, "Lisa" (21F) were recently invited to a dinner by Lisa's bestfriend, "Angela" (21F). Angela has no family in this country and we are the only two people she knows around here. About 7 months ago she met a guy, "Steve" (33M) and they both quickly hit it off. Around march they started dating.
This dinner was basically an event where Steve could introduce her to his family. Angela had no company so she invited us. Lisa is familiar with Steve, met him multiple times, unlike me, I saw him once or twice, but we were happy to join. I also assume that steve was okay with us joining as well.
Honestly, it was great, everyone had lots of fun chatting. I didn't speak much except when I was talked to. The family had mom, dad and a younger brother, "John" (28M). I didn't see John a lot because he was cooking.
The dinner was good too, I liked the food, I finished before everyone else so I was just sitting on my chair. John maybe noticed my empty plate, so he offered me some rice dish.
I found the gesture really sweet but since I was full, the conversation went something like this - "Hey, would you like some rice? I made it myself." "That's so sweet of you but no, thank you, I'm full."
"I made it myself, please have some." "That's nice but I am really full, so, no but thank you." "I made it, taste it." "No, thank you." I don't know why but he STILL poured some rice into my plate. I lost it and made the "snarky" comment. "Do you not know the meaning of No? Do you need a dictionary?" to which he looked taken aback.
Lisa noticed I was a bit pissed and said, "please don't force her to have more food." She said so because I have had trouble in past with food, so it was a sensitive topic which we didn't wanna discuss there.
Before things could escalate, Steve took John into his room and they both never returned. The room was filled with awkwardness and after 5 minutes his mom left too. So we decided that it's best to leave and talk about this later.
Angela didn't look angry with us but she looked disappointed and I felt bad, so we apologized to her for messing up the dinner. Regardless, she agreed with us that John's behavior was weird but we didn't think much.
Yesterday morning, Angela showed up at our home, telling us that his boyfriend got mad at her, yelled at her for how we treated John. Turns out, John is autistic and not good with social cues.
That's why he didn't really understand the situation. Steve mostly blamed me for not treating his brother nicely, for making the snarky comment and that I should've just eaten the "god damn rice."
I do feel bad for John but at the same time I don't think what I did was wrong either. I'm ready to apologize for Lisa and Angela, since they both look really upset but frankly, I don't want to so please tell me that if I am the ahole?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
redreadreddit said:
NTA. Clear boundaries were set, and it's not your responsibility to accommodate pushy behavior, regardless of social challenges. Your reaction was understandable.
TogarSucks said:
Yeah, no social cues were used. He was directly told no. I HATE people that put food on someone else’s plate, and it’s so much worse when they’ve been told no. I could just be starting my meal and someone doing that would cause me to lose my entire appetite.
Honestly, the most anxiety enduring moment of movie twister is when they are all eating at Helen Hunt’s Aunt’s house and Phillip Seymour Hoffman is just piling food on to Jamie Gertz’s plate even though her face clearly indicates she DOES NOT WANT HIM TO DO THAT. NTA.
Street-Dark-7221 said:
NTA. You had no way of knowing John was autistic and you did politely refuse him multiple times. I would explain it in those terms when you talk to your friends though.
IcySadness24 said:
NTA. Parents should have stepped in.
HeddyL2627 said:
"No thank you" is a social cue?? The family have done this guy a huge disservice if he can't understand "no." Sure, it would be politer if you hand't gotten snarky, but how else do you communicate "no" at that point? NTA.
MaxTwer00 said:
"No, I don't want rice" said more than 3 times is not social clue, is a clear answer, NTA