'AITA for making sure my sister and brother have what they need but not doing the same for my step and half sibling?'
"AITA for making sure my sister and brother have what they need but not doing the same for my step and half sibling?"
I (21m) have a brother (15m) and sister (14f) who still live with our dad. I'm no contact with him. Reason being my dad is an ass and getting away from him was the best thing ever.
He's a gambling addict who cost us everything when mom died, who was happy and celebrated mom dying because he thought he could pay off his debt but instead couldn't scratch the surface, and forced us to live in a one bedroom apartment where he got the bedroom and the bed. Me and my siblings had to sleep on the couch and in sleeping bags.
When I was 14 he married a woman who was either just bad with money or was a gambling addict too. I never cared about her so I didn't pay enough attention to figure out which one.
Money was even tighter once they joined households and she had a kid younger than me and my siblings who'd be 11 or 12 now. My dad and this woman had a kid a year after they got married so that was great for two already financially drowning people. Between the two of them they must have close to 1mil dollars of debt. If not way more by now.
College was never going to be an option for me so I got ready to do training instead. When I moved out I got an apprenticeship that allowed me to make some money while I was training. Wasn't a lot but helped.
I shared an apartment with strangers for a while before moving in with friends when they decided we should get a place together. As soon as I was making enough money to afford rent and extra I was paying money into my brother and sister's school lunch accounts.
I was sending them a little money via prepaid cards too so they could afford food if that was ever an issue. I paid for a couple of field trip things their schools wanted them to do.
My dad likely knew and didn't care because he never stopped them going. When my siblings said things got worse three months ago I sent more their way and I and some other family reported dad and his wife to child services. Child services offered resources but did not want my siblings removed to live with other family.
It was a month ago when dad took my sister's phone and he started calling me saying my brother and sister were better off than my step and half sibling and asking why I wasn't taking care of all four. I stopped taking calls from her phone because of this.
But he kept asking me why I wasn't making sure the other two were okay and did I realize they had noticed and felt pretty bad about themselves because nobody did the same for them. He told me I get to live with being a person who picks kids deserving of help.
I do what I do because I love my siblings and I honestly don't care about the other two, even the one that's half who shares my blood. I never loved them or saw them as siblings. I'd do anything for my brother and sister in a heartbeat. I have by making sure child services knows when it's getting worse. But AITA for not doing the same for the other two?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA, I am pretty sure he will just take most of the money himslef and gamble it himself. Same for his way. NTA All the way.
Igguzzy (OP)
It's what he did with our social security after mom died. He hasn't so far taken it from my siblings but they're really careful and they don't leave those prepaid cards at the house. Otherwise I'm sure he'd steal that. If he could he'd withdraw money from their lunch accounts too.
make sure that your siblings are careful with it, if he is in almost 1 m of debt, who know what he could do. Consider buying a lock box for your siblings to put their cards into. Because i do not trust your dad.
Someone IS in charge of providing for the other kids. Your dad and his wife. Not you. You're going above and beyond by taking care of HIS kids that are your siblings. NTA.
NTA. You’re doing more than him and his wife combined. The gall of the man for even calling with that guilt trip when he’s unwilling to provide for any of his kids. You’re doing the right thing, and you’re not even obligated to do that.
You have also have no obligation to extend yourself to the additional siblings. It’s a sad situation, but they have two parents and just because neither of them can find their ass from their elbow, doesn’t mean it falls on you. Instead of calling you, he should focusing on doing better at human-ing. NTA.
NTA, you are being a good big brother, sadly your dad is apparently doing what he does best which is be a POS.
Igguzzy (OP)
He'll never change. What sucks the most is I know we all hoped for a while that he'd stop doing that to us, but we let go of that idea because it was so obvious he was never going to take care of his kids. It's been years since mom died and he doesn't even try.