"AITA for making Thanksgiving plans that upset my wife?"
So my wife and I both got invited to Thanksgiving dinner to both sides of the family. At the same time. Clearly someone is getting told no. That being said, my wife insisted on not going to her grandparents because they have been rude in the past to her before we got together.
She also refused to go to my parents because when we last went my uncle made inappropriate and embarrassing comments about our financial situation. So since she didn't want to go to either, but not tell anybody no, she wanted to hatch this elaborate scheme where we were somehow going to leave the house...
(We live with her parents) under the ruse of going to mine. But in reality she wanted us to go find somewhere fast food to go and eat going to neither. The problem is nothing in our area will be open.
And so we've argued about this for a month now. I said let's just go to one or the other and if someone is rude to us we just get up and leave and never eat with them again. She wouldn't even entertain that.
I told my mom (that I don't like either) that we aren't coming and I explained why. And now my wife is mad at me for telling them the truth. I have a lot going on right now with money trouble, bankruptcy, supporting both of us and our child on a small crappy income...
I just did it because I didn't want to have yet another thing to stress about. She's now crying in the other room. AITA and what would you have done if you were in my shoes?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
saintandvillian said:
NTA. She doesn’t sound very mature.
Haunting_Anteater_34 said:
NTA - It's easier and clear to the point by just saying no to a event or invitation.
madelynashton said:
NTA. Are you guys teen parents? Your girlfriend is being incredibly immature.
AirportPrestigious said:
NTA. It’s very childish that she wants to fabricate stories to get out of holiday plans. You did the best thing for your side by telling your mother you won’t be attending and why not. I can understand that your wife may not want to add holiday stress and confrontations on top of the other stressors you have going on, but I truly believe you took the best route.
Now you need to tell her family the truth and then you can enjoy the holiday your way without lying. You don’t say how your mother reacted, which I’m curious about. Did she take it well? Does she understand? Does she blame your wife somehow?
Ms-Janet-Snakehole said:
NTA, but I don’t know of your wife is being one either. Her plan didn’t make sense but it sounds more like she is a people pleaser with a LOT of anxiety, and maybe trust issues. I think you two should just talk about WHY she was so fearful of disappointing family members that, it sounds like, you don’t even like.
mbw70 said:
NTA. If your in-laws are going to their parents’ home, then you will have the house to yourselves. Go out and buy a frozen pizza, heat it up on Thanksgiving, and be done.