Man accepts best friend's offer to be Best Man, Groom doesn't invite his girlfriend. 'She felt humiliated.' AITA?
"AITA for accepting to be the best man in my best friend's wedding after he didn't invite my new girlfriend?"
Let's go color code. Best friend will be Blue, his bride will be Yellow. My GF will be Pink. We are all adults pushing the 30s. It all started a few days ago when Blue came to my house with Yellow and gave me the invitation to his wedding and bottle of wine with a little note saying "You were with us since the very beginning. Would you be our best man?"
I was very happy. I was honored. Blue and I are best friends for 15 years. We barely see each other or even talk nowadays but we never lost that connection. We had a promise that we would be each other's best men since before we were legally able to marry. So, I accepted without a thought.
Then he said something like "We just need to see who you gonna pair up" to each Yellow said "I think it will be."
Then Blue starts talking about how they are struggling with invitation, cuz they both have big families and they are already over the capacity of the venue. A lot of long time friends are not getting invited at all.
All is great. We part ways and then I take a better look at the invitation. Nothing about a plus one. I sent a msg asking about my girlfriend, Pink, and he says he is sorry, but they are over the venue capacity already. But if someone refuses the invitation, she can go.
I tell the news to my girlfriend and, man...She was devastated. We have been together for 5 months. But we already talk about moving together, marrying, having kids. We are pushing 30s we don't want to fool around, both of us are looking someone to settle down. So when she heard that she was not invited and that I would be paired up with another woman, she felt humiliated.
She felt unwelcome. I said I didn't like it either, but it was not my wedding and that I would never refuse to be his best man. She then says that he is more important to me than her and we get in a big argument. I get why she is hurt but is not my wedding, I won't fight with my friend who I'm sure is stressed enough as is.
She said if he was my best friend, I could make him let me if I said I would only be his best man if he let her come. And I'm like, so I have to blackmail him? Also a point she brought up was how he is he supposed to be my best man if we marry in the future but she can't stand the thought of having him as best man when she wasn't even invited.
But here is the thing. They don't know her. They know OF her. But Blue and Yellow never met Pink. So it is kinda expected that she would not be invited over friends and family. And unreasonable that she would be a bridesmaid (she wants pair up to me) to someone she never saw.
The argument died down but she is still very much not over it. She feels like I didn't fight for her and I don't care about her. Her family all agree with her. I didn't ask my family or any of my friends because I don't want to make this even bigger. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Signal_Permit_8940 said:
NTA. They aren’t excluding her out of malice - they even said if they have enough regrets then she can come. Your girlfriend sounds unhinged with the whole being humiliated by you being paired up with presumably the MOH.
You’ve only been together for five months and while you’re both talking about a future together that means literally nothing to the couple getting married and even less to the venue space limits.
I hate being this typical commenter, but after hearing that she is going to carry this grudge into your potential future wedding are you maybe second guessing this relationship? I would be.
freerange_chicken said:
NTA, walking down the aisle with someone who isn’t your partner is incredibly normal. Especially if your girlfriend doesn’t know the couple - why on earth would she expect to be walking down the aisle with you?
It’s fair enough for her to be a little upset for not being invited but all of the reasoning provided by yourself and the couple are 100% legitimate. She’s being a bit OTT about it all, and the blackmailing suggestion is odd.
Idiocraticcandidate said:
NTA. They don't know her. Weddings and guest lists are planned months in advance if they are full capacity then that's what it is.
ERVetSurgeon said:
NTA. The main point here is that your gf is a manipulator. She tried to manipulate you into manipulating your friends by threatening not to be the best man if she can't come. That's a major red flag there!
You think you love her now, but all the glitter and glamor of the relationship will wear off in time and you will be married to a contolling manipulative woman who will isolate you from friends and throw a hissy fit when she does not get her way. Are you prepared to have childredn with that type of person as well?
CheapOrphan said:
NTA. 5 months and they’ve never met her. She needs to take a step back and realize that though she may be in your life a long time in the future, right now you guys are super duper fresh and she is making a mountain out of the tiniest tiniest ant hill.
Active-Anteater1884 said:
NTA. Your girlfriend is really emotionally immature.
torne_lignum said:
NTA. Not inviting her wasn't done out of malice. It comes down to logistics. They are over capacity. They even said long time friends aren't even being invited. This happened to me when I first started dating my now hubby. I never took it personally. She is being overly dramatic.