Man accused of financially abusing his GF after two major car accidents. 'I've done NOTHING wrong!' AITA? UPDATED 2X

When this man can't tell if he's in the wrong financially, he asks the internet:

"I caused some drama in my relationship and am now being accused of financially abusing my GF. AITA?"

Ok so this started a major fight between me(24M) and my girlfriend(24F). So my gf and I have lived together for 4 years been together 6 years(high school sweethearts).

At 20 I was lucky to be making quite a bit of money and so I bought myself a new Jeep Wrangler as a second car to have fun with.

My other car was my birthday present from my parents when I turned 18(2017 Subaru Forester). My gfs car was totaled right after we moved in together and so I let her use whichever of my cars I wasnt and put her on my insurance.

She never ended up buying another car because she can't save money and has gotten comfortable in my "new fancy" cars compared to her 04 camry.

Now we get to the problem. She crashed both of them in a month. My jeep just needed $4500 of body work but my Subaru was a total loss. (She was 100% fine no injuries whatsoever). Both of them she was at fault.

The jeep she pulled out of a parking space too tight and scraped every panel from front to back and destroyed the other car. The Subaru she was texting and driving and hit a parked car at 25MPH in our neighborhood.

Now I get that accidents happen but she took no responsibility for either accident! The jeep is somewhat understandable but to be texting and driving(something she knows I feel very strongly against) and not take responsibility made me upset.

So I told her its fine but that I would be taking the insurance money for the Subaru and sell my jeep after it was fixed and buying myself a new car and that $5,000 of it would go to her to either buy a cheap used car or use as a downpayment on something nicer.

She said okay and nothing else really. The next Saturday when the Jeep was fixed I did exactly what I said I was going to and bought myself a tricked out Volvo XC40! My gf was working and came home and went ballistic saying she couldn't believe I didn't get her a car too and wasted it buying such a nice car for myself.

I told her with a 5k downpayment you can pretty much buy exactly what we had before maybe a bit newer but she was mad because she will have monthly payments and won't be able to afford everything for her skincare routine or be able to save to buy Christmas presents.

Thar bit about presents for her family really made me feel like an ass. I did offer to help with that and explained I just wanted her to have an asset in her name.

"If we ever broke up you would need your own car" and that set her off again about if i see my life with her or not. She is staying at her moms house currently. The mom says I'm financially abusing her. Wont talk to me. AITA?

Before we give you OP's update, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

fotue76 writes:

So she wrecked not one but TWO cars that were not hers and feels zero remorse for it and she expects you to not only help her get a car but straight up pay for one so that she can go about spending her money on whatever frivolous materialistic things she wants?

Your offer to give her money for a downpayment on a new car is more than what she deserves in this situation.

She's an "adult" who should be capable of doing adult things. Also, her trying to guilt trip you by saying she won't have money for Christmas gifts is a piss poor excuse for not wanting to pay for something. NTA. The fact that she's 24 and acting like this is truly perplexing.

OP replies:

Yeah. Never seen this side of her. Also, shes never been this close to her mom her whole life and personally I think her mom is influencing her decisions.

Technically if we are counting not at fault parties cars' then its 9. She wrecked her camry sliding out on ice at 50 MPH and hit three parked cars. Then my jeep she did significant body damage to it and totaled the older car.

Then the Subaru she totaled hitting a parked car texting and driving and the car she hit struck the car in front but most likely not a total loss

My sister thinks she is just pushing back so hard because she knows she won't be able to get insurance and possibly might not qualify for an auto loan. (Before we moved in together she got an eviction(NOT HER FAULT, ROOMMATE WENT CRAZY) and it destroyed her credit.

She has had a lease agreement with me for 3.5 years to help build it up but it occurs to me I hadn't actually checked in a year what her credit score is up to). I wish she would at least answer the damn phone.

graed4 writes:

Hmmm, let's see. Your girlfriend had a car, it got totalled (was she at fault?). She had free use of a further 2 vehicles - didn't even have to pay insurance and crashed both of them in the space of a month, totalling one, costing thousands to repair the other.

She's bad with money, spends so much on skincare and personal luxuries that she can't afford to run her own vehicle and is throwing a fit because you are only contributing 5 GRAND towards another vehicle - which lets face it, she will most likely crash and/or destroy.

Your 20's are an excellent time to figure things out. It's when you meet people, fall in love, fall out of love and learn who you are. Are you a sucker who puts up with people making demands? Are you a person who gives in to tantrums?

Do you think that the person you are with now is the person you want to wake up next to in 25 years?

Your girlfriend cannot afford her life without you contributing towards it. Only you know if you're happy to subsidize her indefinitely.

snazysou writes:

NTA, but you will be an AH if you continue this relationship without making some changes (including considering breaking up with her).

Someone who trashes BOTH of your cars, texts while driving, takes no responsibility for the accidents, expects you to buy her a new car, raises your insurance rates, and is angry that you spent your money on the car you wanted, is a selfish, immature and irresponsible individual.

What do you think is going to happen if you continue with her? She has no insight and is unwilling to look at herself. Please take care of yourself.

commerial7 writes:

This reminds me of a recent event; On April 1st this year, my best friend and her boyfriend got into a car accident because someone was DUI and did a U turn straight into them. The car they were in went spinning and hit a telephone pole, totaling the car, and my best friend didn’t make it out and died on impact.

The guy who hit her was stuck in jail for a day (or something like that) and was calling his parents telling him to bail him out and he didn’t get or take any responsibility from that whole experience and still has tiktoks of him DUI.

It’s good no one was hurt in any of the accidents, however some people, especially with driving, see it as “haha just fun thing to do sometimes” and not as “i’m controlling a giant hunk of metal that will do a lot of damage to anything it touches.” And not everyone does it responsibly and correctly.

Driving Under Influence is a lot worse then just being on a phone, but both distract you and are very bad. As much as I hate the guy who did it and hopes he gets karma, I don’t want anyone else to end up like my best friend.

To those of you who think it’s fine or safe, it takes one mistake and wrong movement, or lapse in judgement. And to those who think “I’m young! I’m Immortal! There’s no way it’ll happen to me!” I’m 21 and she was 20 when she died.

She couldn’t wait to be in my wedding (Got married in Sept. and she was one of my bridesmaids) and always had dreamt of being a mother.

With telling this all i’m trying to say is things that OP has said are very serious and big deals and the girl should not be worrying about a new car, Christmas gifts or even getting behind any wheel anytime soon. It could’ve been a child in front of her and she would only see her phone screen.

Summary: Whether it’s driving while intoxicated or just driving distracted, it’s putting lives at risk. Vehicles may be common enough to seem like nothing, they’re heavy and big enough to end lives, young and old.

000illll writes:

NTA. I had something similar to this. I got into a car accident and hit someone in front of me and was also rear ended. It caused my insurance to skyrocket and my beloved vehicle was out of commission.

I only had basic insurance so the repairs were on me. My bf let me use his vehicle and then eventually his dad let me use a spare vehicle he had. It was amazing.

For a year, I just drove one of their vehicles and all I had to pay was fuel. I'm ashamed to admit that at the time, I didn't really realize how thoughtful and considerate they were being to me.

We were engaged and I just felt like that's what families do. We ended up splitting up and I still look back on that time and how much I was able to save and get ahead because I didn't have a car payment or expensive insurance.

I was able to save almost 15k that year. It sounds like she's in the same boat but I don't think it's smart for her to be spending everything she has. She's not going to be able to contribute back to the relationship in any way so it's just taking from you to keep for herself.

And now, OP's major update (two months later):

Well its been almost 2 months since I posted and also about 2 months since we broke up. I appreciate everyone who didn't just call me an enabler.

So she was the one to break up with me. Her reasoning for wanting to break up is that she no longer saw me as a romantic partner but rather as a boss/landlord/parent.

It definitely hurt since even through everything I still loved her. She moved out the last of her things from my storage on Saturday and brought her new boyfriend with. (Not to be judgmental, but he looks homeless tbh so that was kind of funny).

I did end up giving her the $5,000 I promised her and well... no other way to say it... that was probably a mistake.

Instead of buying a car it looks like she bought her mom and her a trip to Mexico (she posted it on her IG and I know she didn't have that kind of money and her mom most certainly didn't buy it). I honestly don't know if she has a car or if she is driving her new boyfriends car, her moms or decided to just use transit and uber.

As for me. I still love my little Volvo, my best friend going back to middle school ended up moving in to my condo now that its just me, and I got a really lucrative new contract at work! Haven't bothered looking for anything romantically since the breakup and have been working on myself and trying to identify what qualities I really want in my future partner. So yeah. Sorry to everyone that was hoping for some bigger drama.

Readers continued to weigh in on OP's update:

nofee5 writes:

I'm gonna call you an enabler again because you stupidly gave her $5000. Hope you grow from this experience, but please know that was stupid AF.

OP replies:

Honoring my word is important to me. Maybe to a fault but you know what? I'll take that over being thought of as a liar or a flake.

halfburnsku writes:

Cut it out. It makes no sense to give her the 5k after she totaled one car and caused 4500k of damage on your jeep. If this is real, do not let her cone crawling back into your life.

OP replies:

Yeah I would not let her back in my life. I realize now that it was a one sided relationship. For trips, christmas, her birthday and such I constantly had to one up last year or she would be upset. I am learning a lot from my therapist about self worth. All in all I am glad I kept my word and gave her the money