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Man accused of being 'homophobic' by parents for not supporting his brother's affair.

Man accused of being 'homophobic' by parents for not supporting his brother's affair.


Cheating is always wrong. There isn't anything that can validate that behavior. Nor should you validate that behavior in your friends or family. Nevertheless, if a cheater isn't willing to admit they were in the wrong, they'll do whatever they can to defend their behavior.

On a popular Reddit thread in the Am I the A**hole Subreddit, one man gets accused of being homophobic for not supporting his brother's affair.

He writes:

I (22M) am the youngest of five siblings, but my issue is with my brother Matt (32M). I'm gay, and people tell me I'm being homophobic. I came out as gay at 16 because I started a relationship with my current boyfriend. My whole family was so supportive, my parents, my other brother, and my sisters, but my brother Matt, for some reason, didn't accept me and distanced himself from me. Matt would ignore me at family gatherings and speak the bare minimum.

Matt was married to Marina (29F), and they have a five years old adorable boy that my family adores. A year ago, my brother was caught cheating on Marina with a man, and he ended up coming out and divorcing Marina. He dumped Marina right after that, and my family supported him and welcomed the AP as if nothing had happened. The affair had been going on for years before Marina found out, Marina was deeply hurt, and I felt sorry for her. I've known Marina since I was around eight years.

My brother and I have reconciled; he apologized for distancing himself. He said he was jealous of me because I could be true to myself, and he was stuck in a loveless marriage. My brother married his AP a week ago; I attended the wedding. The day before the wedding, Marina had posted about how hurt and blindsided she was and how THIS (the wedding) is so wrong (nothing to see with sexuality. Marina is open-minded).

The next day my brother had the nerve to post a video of their vows on social media and tag Marina and many other people, and the caption read, 'If our love is wrong, then I don't ever wanna be right.' (He got this from a song by Calum Scott, 'If our love is wrong')

Two days ago was my dad's birthday, and we all gathered to celebrate it, and Matt started talking to us about how Marina had texted him, calling him names for 'accidentally' tagging her. That was evil, and I know it wasn't an accident, so I told him that Marina was right; he is an AH, and that song wasn't to validate affairs and empower cheating partners, that he had some nerve to try to play the victim here. I couldn't keep it in.

He didn't say a word and left, but then my parents started telling me that I had ruined the evening and that I should know better since I'm gay too and that I was being homophobic. They said I should support him because he had struggled with his sexuality his whole life.

I get it; it's different for everyone, and not everyone is comfortable coming out, but that DOESN'T give you the right to hurt someone else's feelings. He is trying to play the victim and portraying Marina as an evil, resentful ex who doesn't want him to be happy. They think I should apologize, and my whole family seems to be on his side.

OP wanted opinions, and the internet has plenty.

wtshiz says:

NTA (Not the A**hole). Cheating is cheating, and not only do you not have to accept that without judgement, but the fact that he re-victimized Marina that way is depraved.

throw05282021 says:

NTA. Matt was deliberately evil toward Marina when he tagged her in that post. You were 100% right to call him out. That would be bad enough if she were his ex, but she's also his child's mother.

He has an obligation to his son to try to maintain a civil relationship with Marina. It's fine for him to be happy about his new marriage. It's not fine for him to be evil toward his ex. He's the AH, not you.

UnconfirmedRooster says:

NTA, your brother may have been conflicted about his sexuality, but he strung along an innocent woman for years in a loveless marriage, only to boast how he is now 'happy.' Your brother is a cheater, plain and simple.

OP, if not supporting your cheating brother makes you homophobic, then I guess I'm homophobic.

Sources: Reddit
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