Man admits, 'My wife's death was a gift.' AITA? TRIGGERING UPDATE.
When this man is happy when his wife passes, he asks Reddit:
"I'm happy about what happened to my wife, AITA?"
At the beginning of 2022, I caught my wife having an affair with one of her exes. Our marriage wasn't perfect, I was not the perfect husband I will admit. But, I did my best. I put effort into the entire 5 years we were together. I put my all into the relationship. Her, I could not say the same.
I was forced to confront the reality of who she truly was shortly after I caught her. She illegally evicted me from our shared home, lied to the police to try and get me arrested, tried to get me fired from my job, and tried to turn all of my friends against me.
Some of these succeeded, while others did not. She has made my life a living hell since the day I asked her for the divorce and has planted her heels into the ground over our separation to try and drain all my finances and emotional strength from me.
The only upside is we had no kids for her to use as weapons, but I soon found out that her policy of strict birth control with me did not extend to her suitor as he got her pregnant 5 months ago. I thought maybe this would help speed along the divorce, but it only rallied her in her efforts to destroy me.
On Christmas eve, my wife and her suitor went to a party where both of them got drunk (I find this fact terrible as all her friends knew she was pregnant as well.) Her suitor drove them home, a mistake that would cost them both their lives.
In the state I live in, our divorce is now considered to never have even started. I will be able to claim her life insurance policy for myself and move back into my home.
Her parents called me up distraught yesterday. Acting as if the last year had never happened and offered their full support to my funeral preparations for her. My confusion here was beyond belief, but the apple does not fall far from the tree when it comes to my wife.
I told them if they want a funeral, it was coming out of their pockets. I will pay for her to be cremated, and deliver her ashes to them in the cheapest urn offered if they desire. They called me horribly and tried to guilt me about her life insurance, but after only 4 minutes on the phone with them, I hung up and blocked every one of her family's numbers.
I'm going to be taking a few extra days off work to move back into my house over the next week. I've already made arrangements to have her stuff hauled off so my home will be an empty canvas to start my life anew. I don't know if there is a god, or if this was just karma, but I truly believe now that I have come out on the other side of the storm.
Before we give you OP's triggering update, let's take a look at some of the top responses:
ravenshield writes:
Happy New Year to you!! I know it sounds horrible to talk like this when someone dies, especially tragically, however, their death DOES NOT negate their behavior when they were alive. Them dying doesn’t absolve them of their heinous actions when they were still alive.
I totally felt this about my baby daddy when he died a year and a half ago. After everything he put me and our son through I always said if natural selection took him out of the equation then I’d never shed a single tear FOR HIM.
Now I do feel for my son as I never wanted this to be the way I was given custody back after being separated and alienated from him and then his father abandoning him with his parents later.
And I do feel for his mom who has now lost a child. I don’t however feel sorry for my ex because he made all the choices that led up to him choosing to take the drugs he OD’d on that led to him dying.
The only thing I wonder is did he realize what was happening to him and that he’d just handed me and our son the lifelong freedom we so deserved from his narcissistic abusive tendencies.
nootherids writes:
Honestly…I agree with you. I don’t fault you or your response at all. That said…you are in a vulnerable state right now but don’t realize it. This is a time when you need somebody to talk to, about this or anything else doesn’t matter. Maybe a therapist, maybe not. But, you do need someone to help occupy your mind.
“Idle hands are the devil’s playground” is a saying for a reason. It is not healthy to feel satisfied by the death of another. It might be understandable. And it might be ok to be indifferent. But the feeling of satisfaction or pleasure is not something that you should feel empowered by for too long.
I think you’re good, but don’t make a habit of just work to empty home to internet and repeat. Get out and go somewhere. Whether it be to see family, with old friends that would understand, to a community like gym or church or cars, etc. Or maybe even a group of people that have gone through similar experiences and are willing to chat…beyond online.
Either way, good luck my friend. PS…In any future relationships, don’t disclose that you were glad she passed. It’s an unnecessary detail, and most people will not be able to relate or understand, and they will judge you in their ignorance.
aleefab writes:
I’m sorry you’ve been hurt so deeply by her. You’ve been through a lot and I understand the mix of emotions you must have been feeling. I just want to tell you that the people that hurt us, lash out at us, treat us like shit - they are the people who are hurting deeply and have the most pain underneath their wraths.
She really needed help. I’m not excusing her behaviors but if you think about it, a rational, well adjusted person would have no reason to cause so much pain to those around them.
I know your ex has done some despicable things to you but to her parents, she is their little girl. The girl they raised, smiled at, tried to guide.
They lost their daughter and even if they had a tumultuous relationship, this is probably hitting them that the daughter they brought into this world is no longer in this world. You’ve obviously come out on top in this unfortunate situation. Please be gentler with her folks if you can.
remaindeath writes:
I do not blame you for regarding this as something of a gift. Stupidity on your wife's part and her baby daddy has its own rewards at times. The relief has to be great and it came timed just right that karma handed you that gift. Just don't get on her bad side...
It is sad in a way..the unborn baby never got a chance but as far as I'm concerned it is in a better place than its so called parents. It is going to take some time for you to heal. I would also suggest getting some therapy.. they might have some good coping strategies you can use
As for feeling any guilt at being glad they are gone? Don't take that on. She did this all on her own.. Sometimes rotten people do get it in the end.
And now, OP's disturbing update:
I have decided to elaborate on a few common threads I see in this post here, as responding to all the comments would be too much.
Firstly, some are judging me for the way I am reacting to the death of 3 people. You're right, it is not normal nor is it healthy. I feel no emotions toward my ex at this moment. All my hatred, resentment, and regret evaporated when I learned of her death. I feel nothing but relief right now.
This void has slowly consumed me over the past few days. I feel numb. Like I'm dreaming. Like what happened is not real. This woman made my life a living hell for over a year.
She set out to destroy me, and would not stop until she did. I do not like the fact that I feel this way over the death of 3 people, but that is not a box I feel ready to unpack at this moment.
Secondly, I have reached out to my Ex's mom today and things are much more civil as of now. I'll pay the hauling company to move her stuff into one of their storage units and they can figure out the rest.
Her mother revealed to me that they cannot afford to host a funeral for my ex. I am 100% the legal beneficiary of her life insurance. Despite my past hatred for her family, I told her mother I will give them a small amount from her life insurance so they can have a service and arrange burial logistics for her.
This is contingent on us cutting ties after and I will not be involved any further in her funeral. I will still be talking to a lawyer.
Lastly, I am not going to elaborate any further except the only lives lost was hers, her suitor, and their unborn child.
Some are saying I should sell the house. Right now, I only want to return to my home. The details of where I end up, either there or somewhere over the rainbow, are yet to be determined. I do not know what life holds for me, or for any of us.
This event happened, maybe for a reason or maybe the universe has no logic at all. This "Gift" put an end to a period of my life that sent me to the brink of destruction, it's morbid to think that the death of 3 people was what pulled me to the other side alive. It's interesting how quick it can all change or end.
Readers continued to weigh in on OP's dilemma:
georgiapeach90 writes:
You were married to one nasty human being, a narcissist by the sounds of it. My husband's ex-wife also has made his life a living hell and has told some absolutely horrible lies.
The sad thing is, there are 2 children involved. My husband has not seen his children in 4 years because of the awful lies this woman has told and I've never met my stepchildren. I honestly can understand your relief and can't say we have not fantasized what life would be like if our "problem" disappeared.
After you get back into your home, I think therapy could work wonders for you. You've had a really rough year and as you're healing from that, you don't want her death to suddenly floor you. You did once love her, after all, and what she did to you can cause some trust issues. I do hope things only go up from here for you though.
I'm also glad you changed your mind about her burial and are giving her parents some money to have a service for her. They did lose their daughter, after all. You don't want to have regrets about that later down the line when you are passed the anger. Happy healing OP. Make this new year all about yourself, healing and moving on.
quantumcroquet writes:
It sounds like you have been in a lot of pain for a really long time. I am wishing you healing from all of the shit you have been through for so long. As others have said, I hope you take care of yourself and get a chance to heal from the struggle you've been through with your ex.
I don't think it's abnormal to react that way to death, especially when it's with those that we felt like there was no way out of, and with highly complex emotional ties and potential abuse.
The Natural, normal human reaction is to wish the pain would stop, and many times people see death as that release; we're conditioned to see it that way from a super young age. You're not a bad person for feeling the way you do. Your feelings are valid. Best of luck OP, sending you good wishes.