Man announces recent elopement to husband at his sister's wedding; AITA?

Everyone should know by now that there are some basic rules of wedding etiquette that will prevent you from getting roasted in an eternally petty family group chat...

Don't wear white, don't make an important personal announcement, and don't unearth a family war that causes Uncle Bernie to give a tispy impromptu speech. So, when a conflicted newlywed decided to vent to the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about his recent elopement, people were eager to hear the juicy gossip.

AITA (Am I the As*hole) for accidentally announcing my elopement the day of my sister's wedding?

My husband, 34m, and I, 29m, eloped in late June. Neither of us had ever dreamed of a big wedding. We fell in love with the opposite concept, which was doing it privately and getting to keep that special memory something just between us two.

We had plans to throw a party around our one year anniversary so our families could celebrate with us then.

So far we hadn’t told my side of the family that we had tied the knot. We live in a few hours away from them and wanted to be able to tell them in person rather than over the phone, but hadn’t gotten a chance so far.

My sister, 27f, got married yesterday, traditional wedding style. We drove down Friday afternoon and said our hellos, but kept to ourselves for the most part and let her and her bridal party do their thing.

She was focused on a million other things and rings on mine and my husband’s fingers were the last thing on her mind -- as they were for us. Being married almost two months means wearing those rings has just become second nature.

I don’t take it off and I hardly remember I’m wearing it unless someone points it out to me.

The next morning, we were invited to have breakfast with my sister, my mother, and her bridal party. To make a long story short, my mom noticed mine and my husband’s wedding bands and asked if “they were what she thought they were.”

We attempted to change the course of the conversation without outright lying, but my mother kept pushing until we finally admitted that yes, we had gotten married back in June.

My sister got very angry and asked my husband and I to leave breakfast. We apologized profusely, but she held her ground. The rest of the day went off nicely, but we did ask members of the bridal party if she was still angry and they said yes and that she thought we had worn the rings specifically to steal the light of her big day.

My husband and I are obviously very embarrassed, but we don't fully believe the onus falls on us here. AITA?

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this awkward mess:

superfastmomma said:

YTA. Sorry, I don't believe for a second you didn't have one thought between the two of you that wearing wedding bands wouldn't attract questions. Look, it's fine to elope. It's fine to have a small wedding.

It's not okay to announce hours before a siblings wedding that you eloped. That's just awkward for everyone. And attention grabbing. You could have left your wedding bands at home, or told people in advance.

It's one thing to elope, but it's another to not even bother mentioning it to family. Why keep being married a secret?

love_adventure_wife said:

YTA - and I'm not sorry - clearly you aren't either and thought that somehow people here would validate that what you did was okay. You made a choice to downplay your marriage (for whatever reason).

My guess is that you were a jealous of all of the attention and celebration that your sister was getting. You and your husband shouldn't be embarrassed, you should be ashamed.

AccordingTelevision6 said:

YTA, it sounds like you didn't mean it but wearing your wedding rings effectively is announcing your marriage, and letting your family see them for the first time on your sister's wedding day is definitely going to upset her.

[deleted] said:

Definitely YTA. “Being married almost two months means wearing those rings has just become second nature. I don't take it off and hardly remember I'm wearing it unless someone points it out to me.”

I rolled my eyes so hard they almost fell out. You were seeing your family for the first time in a bit and “forgot” you were wearing wedding rings. Please don’t insult anybody’s intelligence. You’d been married all of TWO MONTHS, not two years. You were fully aware of what you were doing.

5footfilly said:

YTA. The whole things sounds like passive aggressive behavior to me. You got married 2 months ago and never told your family? What, you haven’t seen them or spoken to them?

You didn’t bother to give anyone a heads up prior to your sister’s wedding? Something simple like “hey, heads up, we’ll be wearing rings when you see us?' Nope, you didn’t want to pay for a wedding so you turned your sister’s spotlight onto yourselves.

[deleted] said:

YTA. You say you 'didn't announce it yet,' but wearing wedding rings around is an obvious 'announcement.' Either it's a 'secret,' or it's not.

So, there you have it...

Everyone agreed unanimously here that this man and his husband were definitely wrong to announce their recent marriage, even if it truly was an 'accident.' Hopefully all post-wedding event have since gone smoothly and another family member hasn't decided to soak up the spotlight.