Man asks crying sister if her 200-person 'over the top' wedding was 'worth it;' AITA?

An extravagant, over-the-top wedding might have a few guests rolling their eyes, but you're not supposed to tell the bride...

Rule number one of wedding etiquette: don't make the bride cry. So, when a conflicted brother-of-the-groom decided to vent to Reddit, the wedding shamers of Reddit were ready to dive in.

AITA (Am I the As*hole) for asking my sister if her wedding was 'worth it?'

My (27M) sister (24F) got married last Saturday. It was a nightmare. She and my mom spent nearly the entire year in the leadup to the event talking about it. This wouldn’t have bothered me if it was excitement fueling all of those conversations, but instead it was stress.

I’ve never seen the appeal of a big wedding, but watching this play out has solidified my point of view. My husband and I got married in a small ceremony in front of only close family and friends (maybe 25 people there at most), hosted a slightly bigger reception for others we also wanted to celebrate with, and called it a day.

There was no anxiety about planning, no looming dread that this perfect day we had built up in our heads might not go 100% as planned. Just us celebrating our love with people we love.

My sister’s wedding was the antithesis of that. It was over the top. The guest list was already massive, and then she allowed children there on top of that. If you can imagine 200+ people plus kids running around what is supposed to be a peaceful event and NOT get anxious, I envy you.

I already knew the whole thing was going to go terribly, as much as I hate to say it. You can’t welcome that level of mayhem while also having your itinerary planned down to the minute.

There was nothing intimate or personal. It seemed she was inviting ‘friends’ she hadn’t spoken to in years just to fill out more seats. The whole thing was ostentatious and I have no idea who she was trying to impress. Myself and the rest of our siblings are all in similar financial situations. Just because you have the money to pay for something doesn’t mean you should.

My husband and I were ready to head home right after the ceremony, but we played nice and stuck around. At one point over the course of the night she ended up in tears, unsurprisingly. I got roped into trying to comfort her, and I asked my sister if it was worth it.

Was all the planning and stress and money dropped on this event worth the final outcome. My mom told me that my attitude the entire day had been terrible, the comments from my husband and I were distasteful, and that the question I had asked was awful and rude.

I haven't spoken to either she or my sister since. AITA?

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say:

ndcollector said:

YTA (Editing and adding this after the fact since this is getting a lot of votes, and wasn't sure the bot would pick up the sarcasm). I.N.F.O: Was making your sister feel bad on her wedding day in order to get a dig in and make yourself feel superior worth it?

Bluellan said:

You know, while I was reading, I kept expecting OP to mention how his sister was a total bridezilla. Like she threw a fit because a bridesmaid's hair was an inch longer she wanted. Or that the cake cutting ceremony started 4 minutes late and she pushed the cake to the floor in anger.

Instead, he just trashed on her because she invited a lot of people? She took a year to plan it? Granted, I've never had a wedding but I thought it was normal to spend a long time planning and invite a lot of people? It honestly doesn't even sound like his sister was looking for sympathy.

It sounds like she was crying and OP couldn't pass up to rub it in her face about how superior his wedding was. Like if that's the ONLY way you can feel superior. Do you also tell fast food workers to get better jobs when they complain about not being able to afford the food they serve?

BaconEggAndCheeseSPK said:

Your attitude is nasty. I don’t know who the f*k you are keeping company with, but almost every wedding I’ve attended had 200+ guests, about half had children, and nothing turned to mayhem. Climb down off your high horse, nobody thinks you’re special just because you had a small wedding. YTA.

PJfanRI said:

YTA. Just because you wanted a small, peaceful wedding doesn't mean that's what you're sister wanted. You might get anxious at the thought of a large wedding, but many people don't. A 200+ person wedding really isn't that ostentatious either.

Just out of curiosity, why did you think the best way to comfort your crying sister was to ask if the extravagance of her wedding was worth it? Did you somehow think that would make her feel better, or were you just trying to make yourself feel better?

AggressiveChihuahua said:

On her wedding day you dropped a 'was it worth it' on her? I could go into a long explanation about it but I think that alone speaks volume and I think you already know YTA.

[deleted] said:

YTA. I share your sentiment about big weddings. My husband and I were married at the courthouse. Simple, easy and low-cost. It was what we wanted.

What you don’t get to do is to have such an attitude that you come across as disdainful and rude. Your post reeks of condescension. You thought that your sister should do things the way you do. You make a notation of her inviting people she hasn’t seen in awhile just to have more seats to fill!

You’re coming across as you know better, her choices aren’t right, and that you are the only one correct. This is why your attitude was called out.

General-Insurance852 said:

YTA because you seem satisfied and vindicated that your sister was in tears on her big day. Good for you that you had the wedding you wanted. It doesn't make you the better person.

I had the big wedding and it was the best day of my life. Also it's hard to judge if the actual wedding was stressful or were there ahole people your sister had to cater to or something seriously got messed up.

If your sister was upset, that wasn't the time to be smug and rub it in her face. A good sibling would have tried to cheer her up or held their tongue if the situation was too exhausting for them.

So, there you have it...

Everyone agreed unanimously here that this man should've kept his mouth shut about his opinions of his sister's wedding, especially considering it was her literal wedding day. Good luck to this family on avoiding drama at future events. This is surely going to be discussed in the group chat for years to come.