Man asks if he'd be wrong to expose wife's cheating to her family, 'I found evidence.' AITA? UPDATED.
"AITA for exposing my cheating wife?"
Earlier this summer I (27M) caught my wife (27F) cheating on me after 9 years together. I had suspicions, but when I confronted her she gave me the “how dare you, I would never, etc etc).
Then I found evidence she was and his name, confronted her again with this information and she admitted to it. Apparently, they connected over social media which I don’t use except Reddit.
Then I come to find out I’m nowhere to be seen on her social media and she apparently never wore a ring in her pictures. They met in person (because he’s local) when she told me she was seeing her girl friends and spent nights talking on the phone while I was asleep.
I asked if he knew she was married, she said she didn’t tell him. I asked if she was still talking to him and she wouldn’t give me a clear answer. To say I felt disrespected and betrayed is putting it moderately.
I told her I wanted to work on the marriage because I meant my wedding vows, she said she wanted to “separate for a few months with freedom, privacy and no boundaries” that is word for word and I’ll never forget that.
I said f that, I’m out. We separated, pending divorce, she went to live with her parents and I’m in my own apartment while the house sells. Here’s the thing, her parents and sister keep reaching out to check in with me. We always had a great relationship and her mom said they’d want to have dinner with me one night???? I have a gut feeling she did not told her family the truth.
Do I meet and tell them the truth if they ask? Do I cut ties and move on with my life? Part of me feels like regardless of her actions they’ll support their daughter and I’ll just look like an AH.
Here's what the top commenters had to say:
cchris_39 said:
NTA, go ahead and tell them. It’s obvious that she hasn’t and they are probably holding out some hope for reconciliation. Once they know, you won’t hear any more from them.
Odd_Welcome7940 said:
NTA...Tell them every single thing as long as it's the truth. In fact, maybe it's wrong, but I am petty. If you telling them gets her disowned, as long as they asked first it's fair game. Hell, steal her own family, stay closer with them.
At least then you get a second family in exchange for one promiscuous wife. In the end though, if these are people you respect and somewhat care about then they deserve the truth. That isn't petty or vindictive. That is just doing right by the people who deserve it.
Gyerfry said:
NTA for telling the truth if asked. How they react to it is their business. I think that one shouldn't waste their time and energy trying to ruin someone else's life any more than they should do the same trying to fix someone, but this isn't that. This would just be you setting the record straight.
I think personally I would only throw this grenade into their relationship if she was lying about me negatively, so I'd wanna ask what she said to them first, but it's up to you how truthful you want to be. I can see a valid argument for either approach. I'm arguably a bit too nice and maybe she could stand to get some shit from her family about this.
That said, I would cut ties (or at least distance yourself) just because it's going to feel painful and weird to keep interacting with her family, and there's no real need to if you don't have kids.
lowkeyhobi said:
NTA. Tell them the truth or she will make up her own narrative.
l3ex_G said:
Nta this isn’t your secret to keep. Tell everyone so they know the truth.
Ok-Season-3433 said:
Not only should you tell her family and yours, but you should tell everyone she knows. She deserves everything bad which comes her way. NTA.
UPDATE:
thank you everyone for the support, this has been surprisingly helpful. I have made the decision to wait and come forward with them and the other guy after everything in the divorce is finalized. I’m choosing to move forward with my life for the time being and not give her the satisfaction of seeing me hurt and angry.