Interracial couples are more common than ever. Love is increasingly blind to race and it's a beautiful thing to see. Unfortunately, there are people who still refuse to grow with time.
I (39M) have a son (17 M) who recently got a girlfriend. His girlfriend is black and a very lovely, kind, and beautiful young lady. I have met her and invited her for dinner and family events plenty of times, and she’s a joy to be around. But recently my mother has been staying with us because she is recovering from surgery and she’s going on 70 years old so she can’t do much on her own.
Long story short, my mother is a classic racist and a raging narcissist, and she is not one to hold back from her opinions. I showed her a photo of my son and his girlfriend, and she went on a two-hour rant about bloodlines and kept saying they 'don’t look right' when I said she was coming to dinner, she said it doesn’t want the girl near her because she 'disturb her' so last minute I told her she could not come.
My son has been trying to invite his girlfriend over every day since, but I said no multiple times due to his grandmother being here and saying she doesn’t want her near her; I don’t want any problems. But he argues that I am being “a complacent racist” by even allowing her to be here. And even more so for not allowing her to come over to 'protect a racist.'
He says I should have told her to leave when my mother said everything. But my mother is an elderly woman who can hardly make it alone. Much harder after surgery. Though I disagree with her, I can't just leave her to fend for herself. I do not know what to do.
My wife says my son is right about me being complacent, but she’d agree because she and my mother don’t get along well. I know I am not a damned racist. But now everyone says I am aiding one by taking my mother's side. So AITA?
The internet is full of thoughts:
Hey, OP, your wife doesn’t agree with your son because she doesn’t get along well with your mother. She agreed with him because he was right.
Story time; I am half black, my mother is white and my step father (I’ll call him dad)is white. While visiting my dads dying grandfather in the hospital, one of my dads uncles made some extremely racist comments. My dad started arguing with him, because well, we are his daughters and you don’t talk about this man’s daughters like that.
Out of nowhere grandpa shoots up, gets out his hospital bed while his monitors are going CRAZY walks over and punches my dad’s uncle so hard he fell on his a**. Grandpa proceeded to say that he would rather die, right then and there then watch someone he loves be so incredibly racist to such loving, kind children, grandpa kicked that uncle out the room and that man wasn’t allowed back in, and grandpa made everyone promise not to let him go to his funeral.
OP that’s what you said your sons girlfriend is she is nice and kind, yet you are 100% allowing your mother say whatever she wants and saying your sons girlfriend isn’t allowed over because of this. This girl has done nothing and will now will remember this for a long long time. You are punishing your son and his girlfriend because your mother is racist. YTA (You're the A**hole).
YTA. 'My mother is so elderly and feeble that she will go on two hour rants about how much she's a proud bigot.' Man, I never even went on a two hour squeeling when I got pokemon for the first time. your son is right, you'd rather defend your bigot mother rather than go, 'hey, shut up and get over it'
Definitely YTA, sorry but protecting a racists does make you complacent and enabling this behavior. You have no gumption to get her to leave and 70 isn't old, she can get in home care. I would send her racist a** packing.
OP, your mom should listen to Bob Dylan cause the times changed a long time ago.