Man baffled when gay best friend makes SHOCKING confession. 'I'm SO confused about her.' UPDATED 3X

When this man is weirded out by his friend's confession, he asks the internet:

"My (20M) best friend (lesbian 20F) said she has feelings for me, now we are both confused. What do I do?"

Just to give some context: I have known this girl (let’s call her K) since we were 14. I met K when we were paired up in a group project for this one class. I found out we had a lot in common and we became friends.

Over time, I developed a huge crush on her. Sophomore year I asked her to homecoming and she said yes! It was a good time, but after it didn’t really lead to anything, I got the sense that she didn’t like me the way I liked her. Junior year, K came out as lesbian.

Honestly, I wasn’t super surprised but I was a little heartbroken. I decided to put all my feelings away and just be supportive.

I was really enjoying my senior year. I started dating this girl the summer before school started (thanks to K setting us up)Things were going well until Covid hit. My GF broke up with me because she couldn’t handle a relationship at the time.

I was sad about that but more upset that I was gonna miss things like Prom and senior trip. K knew I was upset and invited me over for a fake prom which consisted of us getting dressed up for photos and immediately going inside to play old Wii games and watch movies. She even bought some of my favorite snacks. Still probably the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.

First year of college sucked. Nothing noteworthy happened other than K and I going to the same school. K started to date this girl who I’m 99% sure hated me for no reason. They break up in the summer and now we can move onto the important part of my story.

K and I decided to get a place near campus together for this school year. Her mom thought it was weird, but her dad (coolest guy ever BTW) thought it was a good idea. We’ve had lots of good times so far. My favorite thing about living together has been our late night talks.

We talk about anything from school, sports, hot girls, bad hookups, etc. Last night during one of our talks, K randomly brings up that she might be bise%ual. Not gonna lie, I felt a little jealous thinking that she hooked up with a random guy. But she tells me that she has feelings for me.

I kind of laughed it off at first until she started crying. She said she started having feelings for me a month ago and was super confused about her se%uality. I apologized for laughing and said we’d talk tomorrow.

I didn’t want to make any bad decisions that could ruin our friendship. So right now she’s at class and I’m just alone thinking. This is literally a dream come true, so why am I hesitating at all?!! I guess I don’t want her to just immediately change her mind after and make things weird between us.

I’m anxiously waiting for her to get back. I really do love her though I never thought I’d have a chance at this kind of love. Any advice on what I should say to her when she gets back? I feel like I’m overthinking this lol.

TL;DR: Best friends for 6 years, she’s a lesbian. Moved in together for school. She might be bise%ual and has feelings for me. Need advice on what to do next.

Before we give you OP's updates, let's take a look at some top responses:

kazahani1 commented:

Just gotta be honest with her. Tell her how you've always felt and ask her what she wants to do. Admit you're scared of things not working out. Try to decide if you want to try it anyway. From the tone of your post it seems like you might regret it forever if you don't try with her.

facegaty writes:

Because you're trying to keep yourself safe, and you (rightfully) are interpreting pursuing something with her as a risk. It's totally understandable to want to avoid getting hurt! If she were a more casual crush it might be easier, but you have had feelings for her for a long time.

The closer something is to our hearts, the greater its capacity to hurt us. And rather than dismiss that fear with platitudes or uninformed optimism, I will, instead, say this: you are resilient. You can handle shitty times.

If you decide to take the risk of pursuing something with her, and it doesn't work out in the end, it will suck. Probably big time. But you can handle that suck. You can get through it. You have gotten through other bad times in your life, and you can get through whatever outcome this may have too.

On her end, she's probably feeling pretty confused. When your sexual identity runs counter to the mainstream, it's pretty easy to end up internalizing the label you picked as part of your identity.

So she has had "lesbian" as part of her identity for a few years (and from an external perspective, you have likely thought of her that way for some time as well). And now she's experiencing something she did not think was possible, which forces her to question that core part of her identity, which was likely difficult for her to accept in the first place.

It can be a bit of a mindf, as I'm sure you can imagine. But labels are meant to be descriptive, rather than prescriptive- that is, a label is meant to describe your experiences up til now, not dictate what experiences you can have in the future. It's not like you pick out a label when you're a teen and then have to stick to that your whole life.

When she decided that "lesbian" was the label that best fit her, it was because up until that point, she hadn't experienced attraction to genders other than her own, but that doesn't mean that she can't experience attraction to any other genders for the rest of her life. It simply described what she knew about her attraction then.

You can still be cautious. It's not an all or nothing thing, where you have to jump in without looking. You don't have to give her your whole heart, no strings attached, right at this moment.

If you decide the risk is worth taking, you can take things slow, and make sure you both check in with each other often. And like I said, if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. But you can handle that, and you'll know for sure, instead of always wondering, "What if?"

aghet writes:

Just saying friends girlfriend didn’t hate him for no reason either she picked up on you being in love with your friend or your friend literally told her girlfriend being honest.

I feel like that should’ve been common sense kind of. In my experience, as in literally anyone I know having a friend stay friends while in love A everyone notices there in love and B they wanted them that bad it was lowkey all about the chase once the chase is over they get bored and distant or worse leave. Dont make that mistake and she probably won’t change her mind.

Don’t take her on a petty small date or just out to dinner take her to the park and paint with a meal there. Communicate always, listen take notes and do the things she talks about. You know the cute sweeping us off our feet thing is the thing men lack bad women don’t.

sheepgoo writes:

I think some kids can get too focused on the label rather than their actual feelings and a lot of LGBTQ kids feel like their identity would be invalidated if they ever decided to "change" it, when in fact they're just still exploring themselves.

Unfortunately, it can sometimes be seen as a betrayal if you realize you're attracted to/not attracted to a particular gender, especially when conversion therapy and the belief that you can "fix" someone's sexuality/gender is still such a big thing.

This isn't just limited to kids, of course. You can be an adult and realize you're attracted to a gender that you previously never were as well.

creeptasqieu writes:

I mean listen, I’m in my 30s. These labels don’t mean a lot to me anymore. Like, literally everything is normal. Everything is fine so long as nobody’s feelings are being hurt. Don’t worry about some label that used to be useful maybe not being useful anymore.

Thank it for its service and let it retire. Maybe one day it will be useful again. That doesn’t change anything about you, because you are, and always have been, a complex, multifaceted, constantly changing kaleidoscope of emotional and sexual needs, and “ase%ual” is just a word that helped you make sense of it for a while.

Like, y’all, give yourselves a break. Se% is complicated. Some people are straight their whole lives, and then they meet one person who changes everything. Some people are one thing for a while, then they’re another thing, then they go back to being the first thing.

Some people stay one thing forever. Some people are really into something in their 20s that grosses them out to even think about for the rest of their lives. All if it’s normal.

The words you put on your orientation are not elementally a part of you. They are tools, and as tools they should serve a function. That function can be to help you understand and categorize your own experiences and desires.

It can be to help you find a community. It can be to help you get laid. It can just be to set social expectations. These words can be a revelation when you first apply them to yourself: they can be life-saving. But you are not beholden to them.

“Idk, I thought of myself as ace for a long time, but I’m into my current partner, so like, enh? I’m having a good time and my partner and I are both happy, so I guess labels aren’t really useful to me right now” can be all you have to say on the subject.

Update 1:

First of all, thanks to the people who commented on my original post. So K got here later than usual so she could finish an assignment and have the whole night to talk. When she walked in, we both smiled at each other and didn’t say anything.

I thought the mood was gonna be lighthearted but as soon as we started talking we both got really emotional. I took the advice to just be completely honest about how I felt.

I told her how I had a huge crush on her when we first met (she knew). I also told her how grateful I was just to have her in my life and whatever happens I don’t want to ruin that. K agreed and gave her side of the story.

The long comment on my original post pretty much nailed what she was feeling. She felt like she was stuck with the label she put on herself when she was younger. After her last break up, she started to question herself and her feelings towards me. She eventually sorted out her feelings last month but was afraid to tell me.

We laid out some of the possible risks of being together, but realized we were probably being too hard on ourselves. So we’re gonna give this relationship a try! We’re gonna take it slow and communicate a lot about how we’re feeling. We ended the night with a long hug and some more tears.

Yesterday morning we talked some more about things like Spring Break plans and when we would tell parents and friends. Parents will come when the time is right, but our friends will probably just figure it out themselves lol. Honestly, there was a super awkward vibe between us in the morning.

I think both of us were scared of trying to make a move or trying something different. We both thought of some fun date ideas for this week to break the awkwardness.

Things were a lot better last night. We cuddled for a while, which wasn’t really something new but it feels a lot better now. Overall, I’m just hoping I don’t f this up. We have a week off from work and school starting today, so it should be a good time. Thanks again to the few people who commented on my first post. I think I needed to see someone say “go for it”

TL;DR: We talked and decided to give this relationship a try! Things were weird at first, but we’re already adjusting and starting to get more comfortable.

Update 2:

Hey, thought I’d give a quick update to the people who followed/ asked to keep them updated. Probably my last post for a long time. Don’t really want to keep posting my personal life on here.

So K and I already had plans to visit our families for spring break before we entered our relationship which sucked because we didn’t want to be apart. We live like 10 minutes from each other so yesterday we just drove back in one car (wow way to make it obvious).

I said f it and convinced my parents to let K and her parents come over for dinner. Dinner was good and we all played a few games afterwards. We had to hold in our laughter when her dad made a comment about how nice it is that K and I have been friends for so long. I guess it’s possible that he knows because that’s definitely his style of humor.

Now the biggest part of the update: We had our first kiss! K wanted to go on a late night drive just like we used to. I was dropping her off and she just leaned in and kissed me. It wasn’t super long, but it was really nice. We have some plans for this week but we’re also broke af so…

Like I said, I’m probably done posting these for now. I feel like first kiss is a good note to end on. Thanks for all the nice comments! If I do post again, hopefully it’s a positive update.

Update 3:

Hey! I saw a few notifications about new followers on this profile and apparently my post was shared somewhere so that’s cool. Figured I could give a quick update about K and I. These last 2 months flew by.

Relationship is going great! Not much has changed in our dynamic except we kiss and have se% now lmao. We just moved out of our apartment because the semester is over. Gonna miss that place.

We were planning on telling people about us once the semester was over, but SOMEONE got drunk and posted a picture of us kissing on their Instagram story. Of course, K’s parents saw it and told my parents because they are all friends. They were happy for us so that’s good.

So yeah that’s about it. It’s funny looking back at how nervous I was.