'AITA for telling my mom she's not allowed to babysit anymore?'
"AITA for telling my mom she's not allowed to babysit anymore?"
My wife (32F) and I (34M) have a 6yo daughter Lily which has long, curly hair that she absolutely adores. Taking care of it is a bonding activity for her and the wife, they do hair masks, try out different braids, and Lily loves showing off her princess curls.
Last weekend, my mom who we will refer to as "Karen" from now on, offered to babysit Lily so my wife and I could have a date night. When we got back, I was shocked to see that Lily's beautiful hair had been cut into a short, chin-length bob.
My mom proudly said she fixed it, claiming it was too unruly and that Lily would look more mature this way. When I asked her why the f would a 6yo need to look more mature, all I got was a blank stare.
Lily was devastated. She kept saying she didn't want to look like a boy and cried for hours. My wife was furious and asked Karen why she thought this was okay. Karen defended herself, saying it's just hair and it will grow back.
I told her that she had no right to make that decision and that I no longer trusted her to watch Lily unsupervised. Karen was livid, accusing me of overreacting and punishing her over a haircut. She insists she was just trying to help and says Im being disrespectful by taking her grandparent rights away.
My sister thinks Im being harsh, saying Karen was probably overwhelmed and trying to manage Lily's hair. But I feel like boundaries were crossed. Lily is still heartbroken and I don't know how to fix the damage. AITA for telling my Karen she cant babysit anymore?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
MissionHoneydew2209 said:
She has NO grandparent rights. Hold fast to your decision. If your sister gets up your colon again offer to cut HER hair. Is she refuses tell he she's not being fair. I'm betting your sister was in on this with your mom.
Info: Is your wife a POC, and your mom is white? How did she 'overwhelmed' while you were at dinner? Don't force your daughter to have a relationship with a woman who traumatized her and took away her agency.
GorditaPollo said:
NTA let’s be real- your mum used the occasion to power trip over your wife to take something special away from a 6 year old, entirely because she’s a nasty and mean spirited hag. It wouldn’t matter if there was real tension, she still took it out on a 6 year old. It was a case of "if I can’t be part of the fun there’s going to be no fun."
Silver-Quilter-6901 said:
Oh no. I would straight up go no contact with anyone who violated my child’s rights/autonomy that way. Ffs it was only a couple hours! She HAD to have already planned to do that.
Huge hugs to Lily I’m so sorry!!! You already know you’re NTA…you have everyone’s permission to go NC or at least LC. Let Karen go butcher your sister’s kids’ hair…and your sister’s.
Ok-Tangerine6151 said:
NTA. If the hair is "unruly" she could have tied it back and waited for you to both come home. Unless it was your child's choice to cut their hair, she essentially did something to your child without their consent.
Consent is such an important thing for everyone to understand, especially little girls. If there is no consent, it should not happen. You are doing your job, as her parent, to advocate for her choices and protect her from someone who does not have regard for them.
Always support your child first. Karen was way out of line. I have 4 grandchildren and would NEVER alter anything on them without express permission.
OP should let daughter cut her grandmas hair to make it even.