Man bans mother-in-law from his house 'indefinitely,' 'call me back when you can be reasonable.' AITA?

"AITA for telling my MIL that she’s uninvited from our house indefinitely?"

I am 29 and male. My wife, Cynthia, is 27. One month ago, she gave birth to a baby who we named Peter. The problems began before Cynthia even gave birth. I won’t go into detail about all of them, but Cynthia’s mother, Jess, has been a complete nightmare to deal with.

In the birthing room, she actually tried to get Cynthia to kick me out because it’s “no place for a man.” Cynthia was in labor and didn’t have any energy to really argue the point, but the nurses actually tried to usher me out once despite the fact that we had written on our forms that Cynthia had wanted me there.

After Cynthia and Peter were discharged, Jess picked them up from the hospital. The problem is Jess neglected to buy a car seat for Peter. She apparently told Cynthia, “I’ll drive carefully. Just hold him.” I was furious and gave Jess a piece of my mind over the phone, but she just hung up on me and texted, "Call me back when you can be reasonable."

Jess crossed the line the other day. I got home to see her and Cynthia in the living room with Peter asleep in his crib. I walked over to Peter and found him sleeping on his stomach. If you know anything about newborns, you know this is EXTREMELY dangerous. I asked why Peter was sleeping like that, and Jess informed me that she rolled him over.

At first, I tried to tell her that it was dangerous, but she gave me this spiel about having raised three babies. I first tried to talk to Cynthia about it, who just shrugged, and then I took matters into my own hands and told Jess that she had to leave. I forcibly removed her from our house.

Cynthia was very mad at me for this, and I told her that her mother is not to come over anymore, and not to be alone with Peter under any circumstances. Cynthia is now mad at me for ejecting her mother from Peter’s life. Was I wrong to do this?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

wlfwrtr said:

You have a big WIFE problem. She is the one who made the final decision not to argue when MIL wanted you kicked out of delivery room. Wife made the final decision to hold your child while MIL drove.

Wife is the one who allowed MIL to place child on stomach. MIL is only a small part of the problem when wife allows child to be put in unsafe situations. You may have to take child away from wife to keep them safe, putting them in daycare. Since wife is mad about MIL being made to leave you know wife is going to allow her back.

Put up cameras in the home so you can periodically monitor what's happening from work. You may have to take some time off to stay at home with baby for short time.

Mother_Search3350 said:

Cynthia is your biggest problem and the danger to your newborn baby. She is literally putting her mother before you and your baby. You need to sit her down and have a come to Jesus talk with her. As long as she keeps enabling her deranged mother, you will have no peace and your baby will be in danger from her lack of boundaries and life threatening behavior.

Tell her that you married HER and not her mother. Her mother doesn't get to make decisions about anything in your home or disrespect you in any manner shape or form. NTA.

Apprehensive_War9612 said:

ESH. The only reason I’m saying you are included in that is because you don’t seem to understand that your problem is with your wife. Why did your wife allow her mother to pick her up from the hospital? Why didn’t you pick your wife and baby up from the hospital?

Why did your wife get in a car with your newborn without a car seat? Why did your wife allow her mother to put your baby on his stomach? Why did your wife just shrug her shoulders when you inform them all that this is highly dangerous for you baby? And why is your wife arguing with you right now?

If you don’t recognize that your wife is the problem and not your overbearing mother-in-law. Nothing is going to ever get better. This is going to be your life now. And your child is probably going to pay the price for you having no spine.

mapofcuriosity said:

NTA. Your MIL is overstepping her role and endangering your baby. As a first time mother your wife may be looking for guidance from her mother but there was a lot less information around in your MIL's time. If you can, keep out emotions and stick to facts.

Ask your wife if that behaviour would be acceptable from anyone other than her mother? Would she accept a friend take the baby out without a car seat? Would she take someone else's baby out without a car seat? Somehow it looks like boundaries have been blurred. Ultimately it's up to the baby's parents to keep them safe.

gumball_00 said:

NTA. Ask your wife, which does she prioritize, the safety and wellbeing of her newborn or her relationship with her mom. I'm more concerned about how your wife sees nothing wrong in bringing home her newborn baby in a car WITHOUT the car seat or letting the baby sleep on his stomach. You should monitor how she interacts with the baby closely.

Maximum-Ear1745 said:

ESH - your wife is complicit in this. Anyone who allows an unrestrained baby in a car is a complete AH. Suggest you get counselling ASAP to figure out how you and your wife are going to work together as a team.

East-Bake-7484 said:

ESH. Your wife was involved in every incident you describe, so I don't know why you're fixated on your MIL. Your wife was just sitting there watching your son sleep on his stomach and you threw out your MIL? What is the point?

Mackinonbananas said:

ESH - to be honest your MIL sounds like she sucks but open and honest communication with your wife is important too. It is her mom as well and it’s important to involve her (your wife) in discussions rather than deciding to cut her mom out on your own. I think maybe talking about it together when cooler heads prevail would be great.