'AITA for refusing to allow my wife to host a holiday dinner for my son and DIL?'
"AITA for refusing to allow my wife to host a holiday dinner for my son and DIL?"
I am a 55 year old Male, my wife and I have been married for 10 years. I have a son with my ex wife. I met my current wife 2 years after the divorce. My current wife is 35. My son was 15 when I met her.
She has always tried to be good to my son but him and his mother have always tried to cause problems. His mother was jealous when I moved on from her after SHE divorced me so she could have a chance with her new director in the hospital she worked.
When that didn't work out, she tried to come between me and my then girlfriend, as she stated she wanted me back. I am telling you all this so you can understand the b.s my current wife went through and why I won't allow this dinner to happen. When my son and his girlfriend decided to get married, they sent an invitation with just me on it.
When I asked why was my wife's name not on there, my son said she didn't want her there. Now, my wife has spent money on my son when he was a teenager and made it possible for me to give him the things he wanted at that time. She sacrificed things she wanted to do so that I could be there for him.
When we got that invitation, my wife said it was perfectly fine and to go and have a great time. Well, I went to the wedding, this was in April of this year and my wife did her thing.
Now, last week, my ex wife informed me that she was going to go up to Tennessee for Christmas with her new boyfriend and that if we wanted to host Christmas dinner for my son and his wife, she was fine with it. I said nothing because it's not any of her business.
My son asked me about it a few days later and I told him that we will absolutely NOT host Christmas dinner at our house because my wife, was not invited to their wedding and she will not be used and disrespected in her own home. I made it clear to him that this house is majority hers as she got the loan and I pay the mortgage just in case he tried to say this was my house.
He got upset and stated it was not fair to just exclude him and his new bride. I explained to him that I am making plans with my wife to go to a nice restaurant and have Christmas dinner. My wife's family lives out of state and so does My family so it's not a big celebration.
I told him he could spend Christmas with his wife's family for dinner and that we had plan to just drop his and his wife's gifts off to them . My son called me a piece of sh#t and an a^%le for not making his wife feel welcomed. I reminded him that he never made mine feel welcomed either and not inviting her to the wedding was the icing on the cake.
I'm not choosing my wife over my son, I am demanding respect for her in her own home. I feel justified. However, my son told his crazy mother, and she has been harassing my wife on the phone about how she has broken my son's family.
I called her to remind her that she was trying to have an affair when we were married and divorced ME. Now my son won't speak to me. My current wife said she appreciated me standing up for her but would like to see me mend me relationship.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
katrossusa said:
NTA and you have set boundaries and you should keep them. If he wants to make it up and be nice to his step mom, he and his new wife can host dinner and invite you both. That would be an acceptable olive branch. Otherwise I would hold my ground. Your current wife must be a saint because I would not be buying presents for someone who continues to disrespect me.
mmschaefer said:
NTA - I think this is definitely the best solution. The only things I would add are; first: OP, you need to FULLY communicate to your son the expectations of how to set the relationship right (him hosting, maybe an apology to your wife for excluding her and his treatment of your wife going forward).
Second: you need to tell your ex to loose the current wife’s number and to butt out of your life completely. None of this is any of her business and clearly she is just stirring the pot in an effort to further mistreat your current wife.
I wish you the best and am thrilled to see real men are still out there. I hope you and your wife have an awesomely romantic Christmas!
broadsharp2 said:
NTA. You and your wife need to Block your ex. No reason to ever speak with her or listen to her BS. Your son made his bed. Now he can sleep in it. I agree with you 100%. Stick by your wife. Tell your son he behaved in a manner that he needs to rectify.
Killingtime_onReddit said:
NTA. Kudos to you for standing up for your wife and what is right. Your son is an adult with a wife of his own now. I guess it’s time he learned finally that actions have consequences.
EmploymentOk1421 said:
You are the person that knows them best. I say trust your gut. But if you’re inclined to consider a Christmas truce, invite your son and his spouse to join you both for dinner at the restaurant. Then should your son forget that he’s an adult now who chose his wife, as you have chosen yours, you and your wife can get up and leave. Best wishes.
emryldmyst said:
Both of yall should block your ex wife. Now. Your son is an adult and she has no business or reason to talk to either of you. Especially your poor wife. As for your son...wow. You did the right thing and until he apologized to your wife he wouldn't be welcome in the home. It's not the daughter in laws fault so I feel bad for her. NTA.