Man becomes 'indifferent' toward his wife after discovering affair, 'I gathered all the evidence.' AITA?
"AITA for becoming indifferent towards my wife after discovering her affair?"
My (30M) wife (34F) and I have been together for 8 years, 5 of them married. I thought we were the kind of couple that could tell each other any problem. I loved her deeply and always believed she felt the same way about me. Like many couples, we had our ups and downs, but I never thought it could lead to infidelity.
4 months ago, I started noticing changes in her behavior. She was more distant, always glued to the phone and avoiding our conversations, you know the typical thing about a cheating person.
Well one day, I came across a message on her phone that confirmed what I feared the most: she was seeing someone else. It was like a punch in the stomach. I felt anger, sadness, and an overwhelming sense of betrayal.
But instead of confronting her right away, I decided to wait. My main reason was to protect myself in a possible divorce. If I was going to face this situation, I wanted to have solid evidence, so I spent the next two months gathering messages, photos, and anything else I could use if things got legally difficult.
During those two months, I pretended normality while the pain piled up. I watched her act like everything was fine, and with each passing day, my feelings for her faded. The love I once felt was replaced by indifference. If anyone says that love for someone doesn't go away, well, it's not entirely true. When I finally gathered all the evidence, I confronted her.
I showed her everything I knew, and although she tried to deny it at first, she finally admitted that she had been having an affair. She said it was a mistake, that she still loved me, and that she wanted to work things out. But by then, I didn't feel anything anymore. I didn't scream, I didn't cry, I didn't even get angry.
I simply told her that it was okay, that we could get a divorce, and that we could each move on with our lives. My lack of emotion baffled her. She said my indifference was cold and cruel, and that if I had truly loved her, I should have fought to save our marriage, which was ironic coming from her.
But the truth was that I did love her, very much. Only after two months of living with the betrayal in silence, I just didn't care. AITA for becoming indifferent towards my wife after discovering her affair?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
TheRealOneMexicanTwo said:
NTA, remember this "The only reason she's sorry is because she got caught."
1indaT said:
NTA. The indifference you are feeling is probably a defense mechanism. Don't be surprised if you have a lot of different emotions. Good luck, op.
curvybabyrae said:
NTA, You're not the ahole for feeling indifferent after discovering your wife’s affair. Betrayal often causes emotional detachment, and after carrying the pain for months, it’s natural your feelings faded. Her accusation of coldness is ironic, given her actions.
You're not obligated to fight for the marriage when trust is broken. Your response is a valid reaction to the situation. Take care of yourself as you move forward.
DCHacker said:
She is your typical cheater: manipulative and gas lighting. NTA.
NoImagination7892 said:
NTA. She's at fault and projecting it on you.
prettyy_Selinaazz said:
NTA. The pain and betrayal of infidelity can profoundly alter feelings. It's understandable that your love turned to indifference after months of carrying the secret and watching her deception. Your response might not be what she expected, but it's a valid reaction to her actions.