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Man books full scuba vacation to avoid toxic MIL, GF, and newborn. AITA?

Man books full scuba vacation to avoid toxic MIL, GF, and newborn. AITA?


When this man is fed UP with his MIL and can't stand her anymore, he asks Reddit:

"AITA for going scuba diving for a week rather than going home to my girlfriend and newborn to avoid my psychotic MIL?"

Before I met my girlfriend Madison I had a pretty easy life. I work for two weeks then I get two weeks off. I had a small self storage unit for stuff I didn't want to get rid of. Other than that I lived out of a suitcase at work and all inclusive resorts. I even got the staff to do my laundry.

I met Madison three years ago and we hit it off. She has a more regular schedule so I started spending my weeks off with her. After a year of this I "moved in" with her. Since I had been staying at her house all the times we didn't go away together it wasn't a huge change.

A year later she got pregnant. Not planned but not a surprise. We had been talking about starting a family and she had gone off birth control. We were using alternative methods including a condom.

We had our son in November. Her mom came to stay with us to help. And here is where it went badly. Her mother won't leave. She won't let me hold my son. She won't let me change a diaper. Bathe him. Nothing.

I have talked to her about it and she says she's sorry but it doesn't change. I told Maddie that it was time for her mom to go home.

The problem is I'm gone for two weeks at a time and she still wants help. I said that I could get my sister to help out. Or we could hire someone to be there the weeks I'm gone. She said no.

January was the last time off I had. I got to hold my son for maybe two hours total. I told her that I was done and that her mom needed to leave our home. Maddie said it was her house and she wanted her mom there.

I went back to work but I was pissed. I booked myself a vacation. I went scuba diving. I still have Maddie the money I agreed to give her for her budget. I told her that if her mom was there when I came home I was going to take some time for myself.

Her mom was there. She would not hand over my son. I picked up my luggage and went back to my Uber. I left the next day.

She was calling and texting all night but I didn't think there was anything to discuss. I went to Mexico for ten days.

When I got back I called her and asked if her mom was still going to be there next time I came home. She called me an asshole for trying to manipulate her and "gaslight" her. Not sure how I did that.

I'm back at work now and we are talking every day. Her mom has not left. I was clear that I wasn't going to stay there if she was there while I was home. Maddie is alternating between begging me to come home and calling me an asshole. So which is it? AITA?

Let's take a look at some of the top responses:

invasdorms writes:

NTA - Time to hire a lawyer to discuss the division of custody of the child and possibly take sole custody, since even though you live with your wife, she and her mother are practicing parental alienation and you will hardly have any influence or decision-making power in this child's life.

sozeinca writes:

ESH, your girlfriend and her mom are not respecting your desires for sure. But your solution to not being able to hold your son as much as you want is to.... not spend any time with your son and go on vacations...?

Part of being a parent is going through stuff you don't want to go through for the sake of your children, running out on the family to go scuba diving is accomplishing the opposite of what you wanted, now she feels MORE reliant on the mom.

CRAZY idea here.. why dont you just take your son on a daily walk and spend some 1 on 1 time with him that way. Or take your girlfriend and your son somewhere for a day here and there on your two weeks off where there's no mom to jump in...?

Can even just walk around the mall with them. Plenty of better options as opposed to what you are doing.

Go back home dude, only hurting your bond with your child the longer you stay away.

Your gf has to fend for herself half the weeks of the year and wants some help, so you're gonna break up your family bc you dont like the help she chose?

I feel bad for your son, and I venture to guess that your side of the story is majorly skewed from reality considering you have left your fam with a newborn to go on vacation and are ready to jump ship already, im sure there's other stuff youre doing thats making them behave how they have been.

jaylene7 writes:

ESH. It's very common for first time moms (or any mom really) to have a family member, often their own mother, around to help with a baby.

Especially since it seems like you are completely absent from their lives for two weeks every two weeks. It's not really realistic for you to offer your sister or some sort of baby sitter as a viable alternative when I imagine your girlfriend is feeling very overwhelmed and needs more "full time" help-- that means living in the house full time. Info, did you get PTO?

However her mother sounds nuts. Has she ever given a reason for why she won't let you even hold your kid? Like if you say, "hand me my baby", what is her response? If she says no and you ask why not, what does she say?

I wonder if this thing with her mom is your gf attempting to get you to be more present (not be gone for two weeks at a time, which is crazy quite frankly). Like "if he's gone for two weeks at a time and leaving me on my own, then he doesn't get to be a father the times he is here".

Have you talked to her about it? Have you considered changing your work schedule to suit the needs of your new life? Although to clarify, even if this is the case, your gf is still handling this very immaturely.

Overall an unfortunate situation where I think everyone needs to do some maturing. It doesn't sound like you've adjusted your life to fit the needs of a baby, or your girlfriend as a mom. However your gf and her mom are being ridiculous by not letting you do anything the times when you are there.

justduckyfornow writes:

Why don’t you just tell MIL to give you your child as you pick him up out of her arms?

Tell her you will call the cops if she doesn’t give you your child if she fights you on it. If he needs a diaper change or a bottle just say “I’ve got it” and when she fights you about things say “I’m the parent, not you, and if you keep depriving me of my child you will not like the consequences”.

Also tell her that she needs to go home or find an airb&b while you’re home as she is robbing you of your time to bond with your child, that she’s doings what’s called parental alienation, and there will be unenjoyable consequences.

Tell you wife or SO when you next get home that her mom leaves or SO will be served with custody/divorce papers (I’m unclear if you’re married)- does she really want to push it that far?

Tell her you’re more than happy to hire a nanny for the time you are gone but this refusing to let you act like a father ends now, one way or another (of course make sure you’re lawyer is on board with all of this first).

Tell her marriage counseling may be needed and if she feels like she needs her mom with her 24-7 with the baby she needs her gyno to assess her for PPD and PPA.

If she comes up positive then she needs to go to therapy and take the recommendation meds, that pushing you out of your child’s life isn’t healthy for anyone, that you love her and want her to be happy but you refuse to be alienated from your son.

And since she claims it’s her house, not both of your house, you either need to buy one of your own and take your son there when your home (she can come but her mom can’t), or the two of you need to rent a place together so she can’t use that argument anymore longer.

Stop going on vacations on your off time and start demanding your child back. Don’t be afraid to call the police if MIL won’t give your child to you. Best of luck mate.

Looks like the jury's out here. Is OP TA? What do YOU think?

Sources: Reddit
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