Man boycotts 'rude' brother's wedding after he mocks newborn's appearance. AITA? UPDATED
"AITA for not wanting to attend my brother’s wedding after he made fun of my newborn?"
So my brother (32M) has always been rude to me (34M). When I first met my wife (33) 5 years ago, he started to be rude to her as well and made fun of her because she's not as educated as him.
His fiancee came into the scene around a year ago and she was no different and made fun of my wife for not being as educated as them. It was a big issue, lot of fights in my family because of the things they said about my wife, and my parents told us to forgive them. Fine, we did.
Last week, my brother was again making fun of me while we were at a friend's place. I let it slide and just laughed it off because I’m just used to it at this point. After a while, I had enough and made a comment about his appearance.
He immediately became angry and started making fun of our newborn (2 months old) in front of everyone, including his fiancee. I lost it. I swore at him and yelled at him. One of our friends told him to apologize and of course he didn't. His fiancee didnt tell him to apologize or stop.
I told our parents that I have no interest in talking to him or his fiancee and that my wife, our baby and I are not attending the wedding. Now my parents are telling us to attend, what will people think if we aren't there, etc. he still hasn't said sorry and instead is saying I’m at fault because I made fun of him. So, would I be the ahole if we didn't attend the wedding?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
roselle3316 said:
NTA. He sounds like somebody who can give "jokes" but can't take them back. Not a fun type of person. Sorry OP.
WillSayAnything said:
NTA but...When do you finally grow a spine and stop apologizing or "letting thing go" because your parents tell you to? You should honestly be NC with your brother and at the VERY LEAST LC with your parents. You obviously aren't the favorite. You wife should've never had to endure the bs you've allowed yourself to put up with. Don't make your child another victim.
Lizardgirl25 said:
NTA let people gossip…better yet tell other family why you aren’t attending if they don’t know! Make your brothers day awkward as fuck and how your parents keep backing him when he is emotionally abusive to you and your family.
ImposterSyndrome412 said:
NTA. He’s not stopping because everyone is enabling him. What happens when your kid is old enough to understand him? End it now and cut him off. Don’t subject him or your family to this any longer. And forget anyone who tells you otherwise.
mak_zaddy said:
NTA - if they really want to care about what others think they should be concerned with how their son mocks a newborn baby and looks down on others.
Fire_or_water_kai said:
"What will people think if we're not there..." Your parents are more worried about appearances and that it would out what a crappy job they did raising your brother, and that him and his wife to be are massive pricks.
He's been enabled enough. Stand up for your wife and definitely stand up for your child. Don't go and let EVERYONE who asks why you're not there the exact reason. Scorch the earth and poison the well. NTA.
UPDATE:
For those of you saying this is a made up story, it is not made up. This really happened and I wish I were making it up. We went over to my parents house last night. My brother was there as well. My parents start telling me to just move on and forget about it.
That my brother has told them that he is sorry for what he said, and that he says he made a mistake. I told them how can I just forget about it? and if he was as remorseful as you guys are saying, then he could have apologized to my family and me, but he has not and it has been over a week at this point.
My brother says he made fun of my baby because I made fun of him. I tell him, I responded back to you, and even if I made fun of you first, your automatic response is to make fun of the baby, and not me? You think you're justified in making fun of my baby, for no reason? He literally says yes, he is justified.
My parents didn't tell him to stop. I ask him so if I made fun of your baby when you have one, would that be right? Would I be justified? He doesn't answer. I ask him about this three more times, he doesn't respond. That let me know that no, if the roles were reversed, I wouldn't be justified.
Then my brother says that he will apologize to me, if I apologize to him first. My parents tell me to apologize to him. I told them why would I ever apologize for making fun of him with a comment about him, when he was making fun of me for hours, until I snapped and responded back, and his automatic response was not to make fun of me back, but to insult my newborn.
I ask them to explain why they think I need to apologize to him first, when I don't think I'm in the wrong here. They don't explain and instead start calling me a b$stard, useless, etc. My mom is like families always fight, and they make up. I say, yes, families fight, siblings have arguments amongst themselves, but they don't stoop so low and start making fun of babies or children, for no reason at all.
At this point I'm pissed. I tell them what kind of grandparents are you, that you are faulting me for sticking up for my baby and not tolerating him making fun of my baby. I tell them, if you think I'm wrong for sticking up for my baby, then why don't you guys call dad's brother, and apologize to him?
(Sidenote: few years ago, we found out dad's brother was spreading false rumors about my brother, and my parents haven't talked to him since). I tell them dad’s brother has emailed you, said sorry, that he was wrong, so why don't you guys call him, apologize and make up? Dad starts calling me an ahole, b$stard, all kinds of names. I respond back, that I am just following your line of thought.
At this point, I knew this wasn't going to be resolved, so my wife and I left. My brother hasn't apologized and I will never apologize and that's where we stand now. I still can't believe that I am being labelled at fault for this mess. How can I be at fault for not tolerating him making fun of my baby? How can I be at fault for not wanting to apologize to him?
I don't think I owe him an apology. If he can dish it, then he should be able to take it. He shouldn't have responded with making fun of my baby and that too in front of multiple people. I never thought that my family would think its okay to make fun of a newborn.
EDIT:
Wow just wow. “Dad” called, I answered. He asks if Im going to be at the wedding. Told him no, why would I go after everything. He says so you want everyone to know about this? I didnt respond. He then says to me “I hope you end up on the streets."
I say how can you say that and he responds with “yea I hope you end up in the streets.” And I respond wow youre really wishing your children end up in the streets? He says “yes because you are a b#stard." I hung up. This is just too much for me. I have no interest in talking to any of them.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
NotDealingToday said:
The worst part is, your brother isn't the biggest issue in the situation. Your parents are enabling him to be an ahole, and when they hear the true story, ask you to apologize first.
You stood your ground and didn't give them what they wanted. This will go one of two ways. They'll respect you more, and won't treat you as a pushover, or they won't talk to you. Either way I think you come out ahead. You don't want that type of toxicity around your newborn.
joe-lefty500 said:
NTA Go No Contact with all of them. Your life will be so much better.
MapleTheUnicorn said:
I’m sorry, NTA - you should go no contact as it sounds like your family are toxic.
ACM915 said:
NTA- time to go NC with all of them. Your brother is not going to change and your parents are NOT going to stop enabling his sh%tty behavior. You will remove so much toxicity from your life and the peace that comes from that will be wonderful.
londomollaribab5 said:
At this point would you be comfortable having either your parents or brother babysit your baby? If you say no I think you should go NC with them. NTA.
Daisytru said:
Going NC with your parents and your brother and his equally awful fiancee sounds like the right answer to me. I'm sorry that these people have made you the scapegoat.
Your parents are only concerned with appearances re the wedding. If your wife is on board with going NC, then I say go for it. You will never win with these people. Maybe you should spend the wedding day visiting with the uncle that they are snubbing!