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Man boycotts sister's wedding after she accuses his wife of 'milking the system.' AITA?

Man boycotts sister's wedding after she accuses his wife of 'milking the system.' AITA?


"AITA boycotting my sister's wedding since after she accused my wife of fraud?"

I (35/M) come from an intellectually pretentious family. I married into a very blue collar family. Through out my adult life, my older sister (38) has always disapproved of my partners. I met my wife when she was in college and I was in the Navy. My sister immediately disliked the bubbly and unfiltered college girl and determined my future wife was untrustworthy and dragging me down.

4 years ago my wife suffered a traumatic brain injury. It occurred right around the time we conceived our second child so we chalked off the dizziness, headaches and other symptoms to her pregnancy. Nearly a year post-partum the symptoms hadn't improved and she started scheduling medical appointments to get checked out.

At this point she was in the Navy; I was separated and in grad school. Over the next 18 or so month my wife endured an endless slog appointments, tests, exams, consultations, more tests, more consultations, until it was finally determined that my wife has a rare neurological condition that tbh I don't fully understand.

She was medically retired and classified as a disabled vet. During this whole process my sister's way of being supportive was to tell me its probably nothing and not to worry about it.

This past weekend I was chatting with my sister. My wife had gotten a holiday job helping deliver packages but called out on black friday to stay at her parent's longer. My sister made a comment about my wife "suddenly being sick when she doesn't feel like working" and claimed my wife had done the same thing to get medically retired from the Navy.

As is the habit in my family, I replied with equally snarky jabs, reminding my sister, who is a nephrologist, that my wife injured her head not her kidney's and she doesn't know what she's talking about.

My sister claimed it took to long because my wife was "doctor shopping" for the diagnosis she wanted. I told her if I got paid what she did to sit in an office say "keep doing dialysis," I wouldn't have personal days either.

I had confronted my sister and my mother in the past about their accusations that my wife was "milking the system" and needed to "suck it up." After some very heated exchanges they had gotten better about keeping their thoughts to themselves (a feat with my family) but this one pulled no punches.

My sister is getting married in September and I told her unless she apologizes and admits she doesn't know anything about my wife's medical history we won't be in attendance.

Is boycotting my only sibling's wedding an overreaction? AITA for using choosing the wedding as the event not to attend when it is such an important day to her?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

CheckIntelligent7828 said:

NTA. But you are one of you keep forcing your wife to be around these people. Your family isn't just pretentious. They're judgemental and unkind. Your wife doesn't deserve that.

As someone with an invisible disability, I have so much sympathy for your wife. Getting approved for disability was a nightmare because I didn't have a common issue. I've seen specialists all over the US. They still don't fully understand what's happening.

I genuinely wish that people who doubt situations like your wife's could spend a day in her (or my) shoes. If I suddenly felt well enough to sit in an office 8-10 hours a day, I'd not only surrender my disability, I'd pay it all back.

To focus on a career job. Track important events. Get up early and not be so fatigued that I literally fall asleep standing up. Your sister's career is a luxury your (college educated) wife lost.

Your sister is awful. Instead of skipping the wedding I'd say, show your wife some support and go NC with people who don't care enough to understand her reality. But maybe I'm just too close to the issue.

AllandarosSunsong said:

NTA. So your sister, who attended medical school, graduated and then chose to become a specialist in a particular field can't comprehend that a rare condition which has been verified by specialists in their own fields exists? Glad she's not my doctor. Cut the whole lot out and go low to no contact. Why keep exposing your wife to aholes?

Artichoke-8951 said:

It took so long to get a diagnosis because the VA system is so messed up. I don't know anyone who got a diagnosis in less than a year for neurological disorders and almost everyone I know goes to one of those 2 systems.

Your sister is an ahole and you're one too for bringing your wife around your awful family. Nta for boycotting the wedding but YTA for not going NC with your family much earlier.

Iammot97 said:

NTA - Medical denialism is disgusting. You'd be a bad person if you DIDN'T stand up for your sick wife and put your foot down with your family. You're 100% in the right. Good husband +1.

wowbragger said:

NTA. Your family is out of line, no question there. But it does sound like you've got a lot of communication issues and toxic relationships between your family and spouse. I'm not sure you're really helping the situation.

Side note, I'm utterly bemused at a doctor trying to invalidate someone's medical issues. Especially with going through an MEB in the military, essentially a slew of Doctors reviewed her case and diagnosis to agree and retire her. Shake a bottle of salt at your sister next time she brings it up (medical joke).

LoopyMercutio said:

NTA. Your sister thinks your wife is a fraud and a liar, and she thinks you are supporting that. Better to support your wife than subject her to your sister’s (and your mother’s) BS, and excuse yourselves from their lives.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this family?

Sources: Reddit
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