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Man boycotts sister's wedding after cheating ex makes the guest list, 'I had been punched in the gut.' AITA?

Man boycotts sister's wedding after cheating ex makes the guest list, 'I had been punched in the gut.' AITA?


"AITA for refusing to attend my sister’s wedding after she invited my ex who cheated on me?"

So, some background: My sister (Laura) is getting married next month. We’ve always been pretty close, but this situation might change things. I (29M) was with my ex (Anna) for nearly four years, and I thought we were headed for marriage. However, I caught her cheating with her coworker about a year ago. It was devastating, and the breakup was ugly. Anna and I haven’t spoken since, and I’ve been working on moving past the betrayal.

Now onto the current issue: When Laura announced her wedding, I was genuinely happy for her. She’s my sister, and we’ve supported each other through everything. The problems began when I saw the guest list. Laura decided to invite Anna. When I saw her name, I felt like I had been punched in the gut.

I confronted Laura about it. I explained how uncomfortable and hurt I was to see Anna’s name on the list, given our history and the fact that they weren’t close friends before the breakup—they only knew each other through me. Laura responded that Anna has become a good friend in the past year and she wants her at the wedding. I was shocked to learn they’d become close, especially since Laura knew all the details of the breakup.

I told Laura that it’s her wedding, and I respect her right to invite whoever she wants, but if Anna is going, I can’t be there. It would be too painful for me, and I don’t want to cause a scene on her big day. Laura got upset and said I was trying to make her choose between her brother and a friend. She accused me of being selfish and trying to control her guest list.

Our parents got involved and they think I’m being reasonable. They don’t want me to be uncomfortable and think Laura should reconsider. Laura is sticking to her guns and says I should be able to handle Anna being there for one day.

I feel torn because I love my sister and want to support her. But the thought of seeing Anna, smiling and enjoying the celebration like nothing happened, is too much for me. I feel like I’m being forced to choose between my mental health and my sister’s happiness.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

ProfPlumDidIt said:

NTA. "I never want to see Anna again, so any event she is invited to is one I will not attend. I am not trying to control your guest list; I am just removing myself from it. Honestly the fact you chose to befriend someone who betrayed and hurt me the way Anna did really makes me question both your love for me and your morals because we are known by the company we keep. I need some space from you for a while. I hope you have a beautiful wedding and happy marriage, but don't contact me anytime soon."

countryboy1101 said:

NTA 100% - your sister knew about the cheating ex and decided to become friends with her after she cheated on you. She is correct that she can invite whomever she wants to her wedding, and you have every right to decline the invite. I would simply tell my sister than I will not be attending if Anna IS THERE.

I would also advise that if you are there and Anna shows up at any point, then you will get up and leave even if it is in the middle of the ceremony. Once you are clear with your boundary it is up to your sister who she wishes to have at her wedding - you or your cheating x. Keep your parents in the loop so they know where everything stands.

Purple_Bishop2 said:

NTA. Your sister becoming friends with your ex after she cheated on you and her insistence that you both attend the wedding screams ulterior motive. Something is going on with her that you need to avoid. Stick to your boundaries.

eightmarshmallows said:

NTA. There is a 1,000% chance your sister knew this would be an issue and there is a 6,000% chance Anna knows you would be unwilling to go if she was there. I think there is a chance that Laura wants you and Anna to get back together now that she’s friends with her.

I would tell Laura you aren’t going to argue or debate this and that she knew she was taking a gamble that inviting Anna would be a big enough issue for you that you would likely at least threaten to skip the wedding. She also was fully prepared to guilt and browbeat you into coming around to her side. She made her choices, and now has to graciously accept the consequences whether they are her first choice or not. You respect her choice, she respects yours. The end.

Internal_Ad_3455 said:

NTA your sister is being selfish, disloyal, and contrary for no reason. If my husband cheated on me and we divorced my sister would immediately hate him for life. If your ex had any decency she would refuse the invitation.

Prudii_Skirata said:

NTA. Your sister sounds like a b if she started a friendship with someone that caused considerable pain to a family member AFTER having full knowledge of the situation... and is doubling down by inviting her to her wedding. In your place, I would tell your sister bluntly "I am not trying to make you choose... I am making you choose. If she is invited, I will not be there... and if you lie to me and she shows up, I will be gone from more than just your wedding day. The price tag for one cheater at your wedding will be exactly one brother."

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this family?

Sources: Reddit
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