Man boycott's wife's brother's wedding over the bride's bachelorette party, 'we were SHOCKED.' AITA?

"WIBTA for not attending a wedding where my wife was excluded from the bachelorette party?"

Wife is excluded from Bachelorette Party, I'm planning on skipping wedding and telling off the in-laws. Honestly, my wife (and I) are almost always excluded from family activities or outings in one way or another. My wife is literally the sweetest woman on Earth, (puts up with me), and has always been incredibly kind and patient as long as I've known her.

We flew into town from out of state for her brother's wedding this Friday. Last night we had over her soon-to-be SIL, all of her siblings that were able to make it, and her other brother's fiancee. That other fiancee and her two sisters were talking about going to Target tomorrow...

To buy the new SIL a gift for her bachelorette party on Thursday. We were shocked. We came from out of state, and assumed since we hadn't heard anything that she had already had it before we got there, (which would have been fine and understandable)...

But now it turns out that my wife, his oldest sister, wasn't invited, but the other two sisters, (one 26F and the other 17F), AS WELL as the other brother's fiancee, are all going.

Not a WORD has been said to my wife about her being invited. When it got brought up, the two sisters acted like they got caught or something, didn't offer any consoling words, and changed the subject to my wife's health and how her kidneys are getting worse.

So, what do you think? Am I overreacting to not go to the wedding after all, tell off my in-law for being jerks to my wife her whole life, and possibly stop coming to family events?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

stophittingthyself said:

This is 100% up to your wife. It's her family. ESH (except wife) because it's not your call. You shouldn't even be here asking us for advice when it's only your wife's advice and opinion you need. If she wants a discussion, it's up to her to have. Plus, honestly, maybe SIL didn't invite her because they're simply not close. But I'm still giving ESH because they could have included her somehow.

runrunpuppets said:

YTA if you just pull out of the wedding entirely. I'm assuming you RSVP'd and they paid for your dinner. It's the least you could do. I mean, maybe the SIL doesn't like your wife. Sorry to be so obvious about it but it's her bachelorette party and she isn't obligated to invite your wife even if she is family.

Also, maybe SIL did make the assumption your wife has a kidney problem and may not enjoy a hard night of partying that can occur at a bachelorette party? Only you guys know the extent of health factoring there...

In the future, if you know your in-laws don't like your wife than just don't go to events involving your in-laws. If you had known they were going to be like this, why did you even go in the first place?

GothPenguin said:

YTA- Being “family” doesn’t mean you’re automatically entitled to attend every event that happens and telling off the in laws won’t rectify the situation but will firmly cement your place as an ahole.

iseeisayibe said:

I don’t know why you think being family entitles her to an invitation to the bachelorette, and your insistence on protesting this perceived slight comes across as controlling. Frankly, this is your wife’s family so you need to follow her lead. It’s weird when in-laws come in and try to control or change the family dynamics. YTA.

WhereWeretheAdults said:

YTA. You are upset because you and your wife are being treated like wedding guests? You were invited to the wedding, not all of the other events. Please do not blow up this wedding. Sure, you have history with the family. You are now actively projecting all of those years of crap onto the bride.

She may not like your wife, wife's sisters may have manipulated her, whatever. Bottom line is bride and her friends set up the bachelorette, they get to do the invites and have no social burden to call anyone up and say "Hey, we're doing a bachelorette and you aren't invited." Save your need to tell off the in-laws for later. Do not become that person who makes a wedding all about them.

keesouth said:

YTA because this is your wife's decision. You are kind of making this about you defending your wife, but your post doesn't say anything about what your wife wants to do.

MusicHoney said:

ESH. They suck for being uncouth and bringing up the party in front of you guys. Bachelorette parties are not a “family event,” though. I understand feeling left out but…wife is not entitled to an invite.

OP has described the dynamic between wife and SIL in the comments…I get the feeling there are “missing reasons,” involving OP and wife’s social skills. Also…who wants to get trashed at their bachelorette party with their random SIL with KIDNEY DISEASE?!