'AITA for breaking up with my fiancé after she refused to sign a prenup?'
"AITA for breaking up with my fiancé after she refused to sign a prenup?"
Me (28M) and her (29F) have been in a relationship for 4 years. It went really nice. She was a very nice girlfriend which was caring loving for me. Of course I was the same against her, we never had a major problem in our relationship except a few flaws.
3 months ago, I proposed to her. I took her to a restaurant like a normal dinner out. I was so excited and a bit panicked, although I knew she will say yes. I took the ring box out and opened it on the table, proposing to her. She was shocked at the first and was really excited like me. So shortly, she said yes and everything went perfect afterwards.
One month ago, we started planning for our wedding. We picked a golf course for the place, even the invitations were printed and was ready for distribution. When the thing came to the legal side, I wanted to sign a prenup and she was not really eager for it.
According to the prenup; assets would be divided based on what both sides brought to the marriage, so basically both sides will leave with the portion what they had before marriage.
I said I don't mean she is loving me for my money or thinking like it, I said it's only for avoiding unneeded conflicts in case of anything. But still she said I'm planning for the divorce just at the beginning, and I don't trust her. The argument went on for a few days and things became even worse.
Eventually I canceled it all. She wanted to talk with me and when I said it's over she started crying wanting to continue our relationship. A few days ago we met again, I didn't demand anything from her but she gave me the ring I bought for her saying she accepts it's over and wishes the best.
We still didn't talk with her after that. I never called or tried to get in contact with her, she neither. As I said she never looked like a bad person or a gold digger who would just care for the money, but if she was not one of them why would she reject signing a prenup?
EDIT:
Since many people asked, she has her own work and of course I never planned her to be a SAHM. I have an income like 6 times higher than her -she makes like 60-65k in a year and I make 330-370k in a year- About the assets that earned during the marriage, we planned that it will be divided with the percentage of our incomes. But she still rejected it.
For people criticizing the division of assets during marriage, I added that article because there is a gap between me and her income. It is reasonable for me, since I'm the person who brings the most percentage of money to our assets in marriage. Sorry, English is my second language. I'm Swiss.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Extension-Student-94 said:
My husband and I's prenup states that what we bring to the marriage is ours individually, what we inherit stays separate, but what we gain DURING our marriage is equal. The thing is, women often do the child care and the home care and that affects their career. So holding them responsible for bringing an equal income to the table is unfair.
At present, I am retired and hubby will work for probably 7 more years. He is a high earner. I handle our finances, housework, cooking, yard work, manage our small business etc. He is than able to focus on his job. We are a good partnership.
mnth241 said:
No one should sign a prenup put in front of them from some else. It is a starting point. She should have had her own lawyer review it, and if she cannot afford her own advocate and your income is much higher then you should pay for her advocate. I am sorry this blew up your relationship but you really should have talked about this before proposing. You waited until the invites were printed?
WestAnalysis8889 said:
YTA . Also at one point you said she wanted to talk and you canceled it all out of frustration. If that's how you respond to a disagreement, you're not ready for marriage. You also don't really sound like you love her that much, based on what little you wrote. It seems like you view her as replaceable. Which is fine, but then just get a new relationship. This one is over.
lovingladybug said:
NAH. Without knowing the full reasoning behind both of your perspectives, both of you just think differently and that’s okay. That’s something that requires a civil discussion without argument. This seems like a bad reason to throw out what looks like a good and long-term relationship.
itsminimes said:
YTA. She isn't supposed to just sign it. She is supposed to discuss it with her own lawyer and see if it's fair. The simple fact that you say it's fair, it doesn't mean it's true. You asked her to just sign, to prove to you she trusts you blindly. A prenup on your terms or all is canceled. Wow, you sound like a great guy /s. I am glad she was not stupid to let you take advantage of her like this.
coralcoast21 said:
Soft yta. A prenup should have been a gradual discussion and negotiation long before the proposal. Springing it close to the wedding is a slap in the face. Also both parties should have attorneys and imput into the final document. In many jurisdictions, the prenup is invalid if that didn't happen.