Man breaks off engagement because his fiancée insists on a $50,000 'fancy' wedding. AITA?
"AITA for breaking off an almost 9 month relationship because she wanted a fancy wedding no matter the cost?"
I'm 23, she's 20. I said that for me it's just a day event for which I wasn't willing to spend more than $5K and waste even more money from my family's side just to showcase a fancy wedding and wanted to invest money into our future be it home renovations, savings towards kids, holidays together.
She insisted that she wanted a fancy wedding so we sat down with a wedding planner and what she envisioned would be upwards of $50K. Money, which I don't have laying around and money that I would not be willing to spend for a 1 ceremony.
I told her that if she wants such a wedding, I'm not the guy. She kept trying to convince me and gaslight me how it's her youth and it's " one in a lifetime event " that will last her as an eternal memory and all her friends and colleagues can be there etc etc.
She wasn't willing to compromise towards a smaller, more reasonable wedding and I broke it off, essentially kicking her out of my own house to go live with her parents. Few days later she kept calling me to reconsider and I said "you had plenty of chances, I'm not doing this again." Her parents are trying to convince me to patch this up but I refuse to bend and quite frankly, deem it as a massive red flag that could potentially ruin my life in the long run.
I'd rather find a girl that wants something similar and places more importance on our future together than some meaningless wedding celebration. Everyone tells me how I'm a d%ckhead, and so hard headed in my circles, but I think I made a hard but right decision since I'm still young and capable. This isn't it.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Caspian4136 said:
NTA. You're ultimate plan is focusing on a marriage, not the wedding, which is the right idea. I will say that planning a wedding after only 9 months is a bit premature, especially at your ages.
SnooRecipes9891 said:
NTA and spot on. It wouldn't stop at the expensive wedding, it would be the house, the neighborhood, the clothes.
Adventurous-Zebra-64 said:
NTA. She wants a wedding, not a marriage.
countryboy1101 said:
NTA - You are a financially responsible adult and want to spend your money on things that will bring more financial stability to your life. She is wanting to spend money that she does not have on a wedding ceremony that you don't want.
What does her parents say about the 50K wedding cost? Are they willing to pay for it? If not, then they need to have a serious talk with their daughter about being responsible with her money. It appears that the 2 of you want different things from life and need to find different life partners.
mayfeelthis said:
9 months and you’re getting married at 23? I think the bigger lesson here is too young, too fast, you’re making decisions before you even got to know the person. ESH. You’re not wrong for ending it. You are wrong for proposing before you’ve even fully matured imho.
NerdOnTheStr33t said:
You are both children who shouldn't be anywhere near making that kind of life commitment to each other if you can't even compromise without making ultimatums or ending relationships. 9 MONTHS??!! JTFC...ESH.