Man wants to kick homeless brother & kids out after bro calls HIS KIDS 'disgusting'. AITA?
When this man is disgusted with his brother and his brother's family, he asks Reddit:
"WIBTAH if I kicked my brother and his family out for telling my daughter she shouldn't act like a who%e?"
My brother is religious, he was having financial problems so my wife and I allowed him and his family to stay with us, Obviously that was a bad idea but I love him and couldn't let them and their kids be homeless, I'm considering doing this for two reasons.
Our son is gay and has a boyfriend, when my brother found out he wanted me to disown him and kick him out, I told him no, that's never going to happen, not only would my wife kick all of us out and divorce me if I did that, I was also not comfortable doing that to my boy.
Obviously, there was nothing he could do, either him and his family become homeless, or they live with us and mind their business. I said you can leave if you want but don't tell me how to raise my son.
He didn't like that but chose to stay, however when my son brings his boyfriend over, he starts telling him that it's haram and that he's disgusting and shouldn't be doing that in front of his kids..
I didn't find out about this until last week when my son finally told me, apparently this has been happening for over 4 years and my son finally had enough, he was teaching his cousin karate because he has a black belt and his uncle yelled at him to not touch his son because he's gay.
He still hasn't told his mother because he knows she would have them sleeping in the streets, so he decided to tell me first because he's my brother.
For the second reason, he tells our daughter to cover up because he has 2 sons, first it was just him and now his wife also keeps making these comments, by the way our daughter is 12, and she wears comfortable clothes because she's at home, yes her clothes may be a little bit revealing but she's a child and it's her house.
But I finally had enough when he told me that my daughter keeps acting like a who*e, and that she's a bad influence on his daughter, which is ridiculous because my daughter speaks 3 languages, she's the top of her class and she's hopefully going to be a top athlete.
My wife already wants them gone because of what they say about our daughter, but if I told her about this last thing and about what's happening with our son I'm sure she'll kick them out and their children immediately, but their kids have done nothing wrong so I feel very conflicted.
A lot of people have asked why they stayed with us for so long. Well, he has so much debt that he literally can't afford anything, he made many unfortunate decisions, and a lot of them were beyond his control.
Trust me, if they could afford to support their kids and find a place, I would've kicked them out the moment he tried to tell me to disown my son, in fact he even tried to do it for me. my son told me that his uncle told him that I hated him for being gay and tried to make him believe that I secretly wanted him gone.
I can't really kick them out because he would never leave without taking his kids with him, and if he did that, CPS would get involved and take away his kids from us, that would be very traumatic for them, so I really don't know what to do, I'm really f-ing angry at him for trying to turn my son against me.
And the fact that he refuses to apologise for what he said to my daughter has me wanting to do something I might regret Would you abandon innocent children because their parents are idiots?
Let's see what readers thought of OP's dilemma:
moorehart writes:
YTA for not booting your brother the first time. Your kids should not be made to feel uncomfortable in their own home because of the actions and words of a guest. He is a tenant not a resident.
You need to decide if loosing your wife and kids is worth a cool family relationship with your brother.
saltyhands writes:
You know who else is your family? Your literal family, who are putting up with abuse from people you are allowing to be near them.
That's not figurative abuse, either, it's not "they're kind of rude", they're abusing your kids. Kick them the f- out yesterday and maybe let your wife do more of the decision making as it seems she would have handled this appropriate much sooner than your shitty ass.
You have no right to make your children suffer for your brother's problems and choices. He's a bigot and an asshole, stop inflicting him on your children. YTA, but not for the reasons you think.
notdoinganymore writes:
YTA. They should Have been out way before. Your brother knows he can get away with it bc he’s allowed. My youngest son (step) is bi. His mother and step father are visiting our granddaughter and our oldest in April.
She’s not welcome in my home. My youngest will not see her bc she doesn’t approve of his current choice of partner. He used to be the golden child for many years before I came into the picture.
When he came out to her she was horrible. He didn’t let anyone see it bother him. When I hugged him he fell apart in my arms. Do better. Defend your family.
tinypest7 writes:
I understand you worry for their kids being homeless, but everyone has consequences. The fact that you waffle on this is absurd. You are allowing your family to abuse your children.
You are teaching your child that family comes before their own needs. Before having a safe home to be in. You are teaching them that your worry over family means more than they mean to you.
So yes, yta, because this is an immediate they leave now. Protecting your kids. Making sure they have a safe home. A place they know they won't be expected to accept abuse from anyone.
You are failing your kids. Your brother has consequences, and his kids need to learn that as well. He couldn't keep his mouth shut even after you told him to. He doesn't care about you or your kids.
He is disrespecting your home. Your wife. Your kids. You. And you allow it because he knows he can use his kids to get away with it from you. Grow up and take care of your family. Stop putting their needs and welfare last.
effecrtivebastard88 writes:
NTA - four years is a leach, not hard times. You are subjecting your children to a bully in their own home. Your brother treats them like sh$@ and is teaching his children that being a bully, a homophone and a se%st has no consequences. I’ll bet his kids treat yours little better.
You know this and are keeping it from your wife because she won’t tolerate this behavior at all. Kick him and his family out. He’s had 10 x the time you should have given him to get his act together. This isn’t counting the abuse.
judgeaholes writes:
NTA - If you kick them out. In fact, they should have been kicked out long before now. I can't imagine someone taking me and my whole damn family in out of the kindness of their heart, and then treating that same family the way he is treating yours.
If he has a problem with the way things are then he needs to leave the situation. He put himself in his financial situation. Tell him since he couldn't be civil and has done nothing but act like a giant ass he and his wife can get to stepping.
You are right that it's not the kid's fault but you can extend the stay to them if you and you're wife are willing. At the end of the day you need to do what's best for your family, not for your brother's family.
It's your brother's and his wife's job to be responsible for his kids, and if they can't STFU about your family so that their kid's can have a roof over their heads then that's all on him.
melaniectracy writes:
YTA - and this is coming from someone who dealt with a very similar situation growing up. My mother constantly allowed people around who treated me like garbage for not following their religion, being queer, and for many other stupid things that never should have mattered.
It took me years of therapy to get over this. I still haven't forgiven my mother for allowing those people to harm my self worth so deeply.
Do the right thing by your kids and give them a household where they feel safe, loved, and respected. Standing up for your kids shows them that you value them, and there is nothing more important than that.
Your brother's children are his responsibility. He should have kept his mouth shut for their benefit. I completely understand the guilt you're feeling, but you need to put your own children first.
perfec9 writes:
NTA for kicking him out. YTA for letting him stay for treating your son like that & now he's doing it to your daughter. For homeless people, they are so entitled, rude, obnoxious & pathetic. Your kids are being bullied and their only protector is their mom.
Grow a pair or just divorce your family because it seems like you'd rather care for your brother and his kids then to protect your kids from your loser brother. He's too broke to be worrying about other people and their kids under a roof that ain't even his.
Sheesh I'm getting heated just thinking about the torment your son had to go through for all these years. He should have went to his mom instead.
limegreenmask writes:
NTA for kicking out your brother and his family, but YTA for not doing it sooner. I thought it was bad with the remarks about your son. I thought it was bad with the remarks about the daughter.
But you made your children put up with this shit FOR FOUR YEARS? WTF is wrong with you?! Kick this loudmouth leech out yesterday and apologize to your children. And apologize to your wife that you lied by omission in order to let someone treat your kids like trash.
Yeah, family is important, but you owe a greater duty to your children and wife than your brother.
If you have a hard time finding your spine, remember that your brother would have cheerfully made your son homeless. Your brother deserves nothing but an eviction notice and a kick in the pants.
(You may wish to consult an attorney or look at landlord/tenant law in your area. Depending on the laws in your area, your shithead freeloading brother may be considered a tenant even if he never paid you a cent.
This may require you to provide notice before an eviction. Somehow someone who can’t manage to get their act together can manage to get it together to fight eviction.)