Man tells brother’s fiancée why her family isn't invited to the wedding, 'I was disgusted.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my brother’s fiancée the real reason he won’t let her invite her family to their wedding?"
My (29M) brother (32M) is engaged to his fiancée (30F), and their wedding is in a few months. Everything was going fine until she mentioned wanting to invite her side of the family. My brother immediately shut it down, saying it would “ruin the wedding.” She was devastated.
For context, her family is lower-income, and she’s the only one in her family who went to college and built a successful career. Our family is pretty well off, and my brother has always been obsessed with keeping up appearances. I thought he was just being shallow, but then I found out the real reason.
A few weeks ago, at a family gathering, I overheard my brother talking to our parents. He admitted he doesn’t want her family at the wedding because “they’re embarrassing” and “look like they came from a trailer park.” He even joked that her dad looks like he “crawled out of a Walmart clearance bin.” I was disgusted.
His fiancée later asked me if I knew why he was so against inviting her family. I tried to dodge the question, but she was genuinely heartbroken and kept pressing me. I finally told her the truth. She went silent, thanked me, and left.
Now, everything has exploded. She confronted him, called him classist, and is considering calling off the wedding. My brother is furious and says I “ruined his life” by meddling. Our parents are on his side, saying I should have kept my mouth shut. I feel like she had a right to know, but now I’m wondering—AITA for telling her?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
aambiibambii said:
Nah, you did the right thing. She deserved to know before marrying someone who looks down on her family. Your brother wasn’t just being shallow—he was straight-up cruel, and that’s a massive red flag. If he’s ashamed of them now, imagine how he’d treat them (and her) in the long run. He ruined his own life by saying those things, you just gave her the truth.
MacaroonOver980 said:
NTA. Your brother is though. The things he said about his fiancée’s family are beyond disrespectful. It’s not just about the wedding, it’s about his character. He’s showing how little he values her and her family.
She deserves someone who sees her for who she is and supports her, not someone who is embarrassed by her background. Honestly, you did the right thing telling her. She had every right to know what kind of person she’s marrying before it’s too late.
fenryonze said:
NTA, surprised she wasn't considering calling off the wedding when he first said no to inviting her family to the wedding.
AgreeableSystem5852 said:
NTA better she finds out her fiance is an arsehole now rather than in a few years with kids etc.
zonked282 said:
I'm amazed a woman was told " your family can't come to your wedding" and didn't immediately call it off...
VelvetRainbowDream said:
NTA. Your brother’s fiancée deserved to know the truth, especially since your brother was misleading her about significant aspects of his life. It’s better she found out now rather than later. Your brother’s reaction is understandable, but he brought this upon himself by not being honest.
JanetInSpain said:
NTA you did the right thing. Your suck-ass brother doesn't love her. If he did, he'd know what he was saying was horrible, self-centered, shallow, and cruel. She needed to know what a loser she was getting ready to marry.
I hope she calls the whole thing off because her life with him would be awful. Your brother sucks. YOU didn't ruin his life. He's doing that all on his own. And f your parents too. SHE HAD A RIGHT TO KNOW that your family is full of classist aholes.
_let_let_ said:
NTA. If his relationship couldn’t survive the truth, then it wasn’t strong to begin with. Also, if he’s this ashamed of her family now, imagine how he’d treat them (and her) in the long run.