Man buys inflatable mattress to replace a thin foam one his GF bought; 'She went ballistic.' AITA?
'AITA: I bought an inflatable mattress to replace a thin foam one that my girlfriend had previously purchased for me and shes gone ballistic...?'
My girlfriend (26F) purchased me (29m) a camping tent which came with a thin foam mattress for my birthday this year. I love it! It's great, and I have expressed this to her multiple times even thought we have only taken it camping the one time.
We have some multi-day trips coming up over the summer and I'm excited to use it more. Although, IMO the thin foam mattress wasn't the greatest and I could feel the ground through it.
I told a co-worker that she had purchased the tent/matress for me and they explained to me that they had the exaxt same one but had upgraded the mattress from the thin foam one (which wasn't super comfy) to a self inflatable one which had made a world of difference..
I recently saw this said inflatable mattress on sale during black Friday sales and decided to purchase it for the upcoming trips we have planned.
When I told her about buying it she absolutely flipped her shit at me explaining that we don't need it, it was a waste of money (my money btw, we dont share finance), that I've hurt her feelings because I don't like the tent she got me, that I'm a soft princess for buying it in the first place etc etc..
she even said that there's no way she's going to sleep on it or even come camping now due to the purchase of the mattress and she's debating breaking up with me over it.. is this an over reaction on her behalf or AITA?
I'm very confused and frustrated at the whole situation. The mattress was cheap, it's going to enhance the sleeping experience especially on the longer trips, its the exact same size as the foam one but lighter...
I cannot think of a single negative to buying it yet it's apparently grounds for her not to come camping at all and potentially a break up.. am I missing something here? AITA? OR is she completely overreacting? Advice please..
Let's take a look at some top comments and responses from OP:
chonrique writes:
NTA. I have absolutely bought gifts before that didn’t work out as well as my partner and I had hoped. Same for him. We recognize the issue, fist bump or hug it out for the thought/try, and get something else when feasible.
No one gets hurt. I would hope this is the way it works for most couples. It isn’t personal so I’m not sure why your partner took it so personally. It would even be fine if she was upset a little that it didn’t work as well as she had hoped because she put thought into it but aiming the anger towards you for fixing the problem is inappropriate.
Maybe she misdirected her anger in the moment if this was a lot of money for her ? Still not ok though.
flounnn writes:
You appreciated her gift but upgraded for comfort it's something that benefits both of you on trips. Her reaction feels more about ego than practicality. If a mattress causes this much drama, maybe there are deeper issues to address.
OP replies:
I agree, there's definitely some hashing out to be done to address what the real issue is.. the reaction is so out of the blue too.. I feel confused about the whole situation
araetp writes:
I might get downvoted but YTA. I feel like this was slightly an AH move. If anything it's controlling. I'm sure you couldve found a way to compromise. Just a thought!
lisss6 writes:
NTA. This is definitely an overreaction on her part. It's just a small upgrade to what she bought. You just don't really want to sleep on jagged rocks and I do not blame you at all for that. You're still using the tent she bought, but you just want extra padding for sleeping. Those mats really do suck if you're not on grass or soft ground. You feel every pebble and stone under you.
You can still use the mat she got for other things. Even under the mattress is good. Inflatable mattresses can fail and you'll appreciate the extra padding if your mattress fails in the middle of the night. I don't know.
crownjeeewww writes:
NTA and a massive overreaction. I’d ask her why she feels so strongly about it and why is she so hurt by it? If she can’t understand that a better mattress is desired, then she’s got a bit of an issue and you should probably let her break up, she seems to have a lot of problems.
OP replies:
I'm not sure if she's hurt because she thinks I don't appreciate the original gift? I feel it's such an overreaction, we need to address the fundamental cause of the massive emotional outburst I think.
aga89 writes:
Her wild overreaction is one thing, and maybe has an explanation in an underlying issue like severe stress or unaddressed relationship issues.
The fact that she was deliberately saying things to hurt his feelings is the thing that makes me suggest OP consider releasing this one to the wild. That’s abusive behavior, which tends to worsen if tolerated, and it would be a dealbreaker for me.