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Man calls his wife 'passive aggressive' after she calls her friend during a medical emergency. AITA?

Man calls his wife 'passive aggressive' after she calls her friend during a medical emergency. AITA?


"AITA for calling my wife passive aggressive after she (35f) had a medical emergency and called my friend instead of me (38m)?"

My wife and I have been married for almost 14 years. In 2019, I decided to open up a small business. During 2020, I faced a lot of financial difficulties. Since I had sunk our savings and my parents investment into the business I couldn't let it fail.

I worked 80 hour weeks and never took a day off. It was very rough but worth it. As a result my wife and I have a good standard of living. But I still have to work crazy hours to maintain it.

Back to the question. My wife was at work when she suddenly felt very dizzy and compassed. Coworkers took her to urgent care where they determined it was probably stress related and not a real health issue.

When she was there she asked them to call my friend Steve. He's a great guy and he popped over to make sure she was alright and drove her home. When I came late that day she just said she had a small medical emergency and she called Steve.

I asked her why she called Steve and she said because he would immediately come and help her. I felt like she was being passive aggressive about it and called Steve as a lesson. I called her out on it and she stormed off in a huff. Her friends have been texting me and calling me an AH. AITA?


I would have helped in a medical emergency if she had called me.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

nomoreplsthx said:

YTA. She has just had a terrifying crisis, and your first response was to worry about what messge she was sending you with who she chose to call.

You probably do want to seek marriage counseling about the trust issues. The fact that she doesn't see you as someone who will show up for her may be a misunderstanding on her part, or it may be something real. But choosing to focus on that when she has just beeen the hospital is incredibly petty.

asleep_awake said:

YTA — basically, you two need to talk. From this post, it already comes across to me that you don’t give much weight to your wife’s concerns. You said “determined it was probably stress related and not a real health issue”. Where is the stress coming from to cause her enough distress to get dizzy and need urgent care? That sounds like a valid concern, not something to be brushed aside.

You also replied in the comments “for a medical emergency, yeah. If she wants me to drop off work and do something for her, no.” But who determines the importance of these things? Maybe it’s the way it’s worded, but it reads to me that you think a lot of her concerns are irrelevant and she cannot be trusted not to waste your time.

That said, she said it was a “small medical concern”, meaning she deemed it as something you might brush off, but Steve won’t. If you want her to rely on you and not her coworkers or Steve, express to her in words and actions that you are all about being a reliable partner, and maybe ask how that looks like to her so you can both be on the same page.

SlipPsychological995 said:

YTA. Stress is a medical condition. And if it’s causing physical symptoms this wasn’t a “scare”. This is real. Both of your lifestyles need to change. You’re an absent partner due to your work schedule.

You’re so stressed out from working that you called her passive aggressive for asking for help when she needed it. It’s called a budget. Downgrade so you can both be healthy. And when I say healthy I mean: -Physically -Mentally -Emotionally -Financially

lihzee said:

YTA. Way to make her health scare about you.

corgihuntress said:

YTA My guess is you haven't shown up for her enough that she figured she'd call someone she could count on. Do you really think that when she's in the hospital with a medical emergency, she's thinking, how can I be passive aggressive and make a point with my husband who never shows up for me?

More likely she was scared and knew that you's say it was "not a real health issues" and not show up. BTW, it is a real health issue. Stress causes heart attacks and strokes all the time. You say your standard of living and your business are worth the crazy hours. I'm thinking your wife doesn't agree.

lower_class_meh said:

YTA, there's obviously something else wrong and you're not seeing it. I'm prone to working waaay to much as well and my wife suffers. Sometimes I don't realize she's hurting and have to bring myself back to reality. Also stress related medical issues are real health issues and you saying it's not make sit sound like you don't really understand what she's experiencing.

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