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Man catches GF sharing his love letters with friends, 'AITA for dumping her after moving in with her?' UPDATED

Man catches GF sharing his love letters with friends, 'AITA for dumping her after moving in with her?' UPDATED


"AITA for dumping my GF after moving in with her?"

I 25M, moved in with my gf 24f of four years, three weeks ago. She chose the place and although her name is on the lease I paid half of the deposit and paid the first month of rent as she couldn't afford it. I also paid the first month of bills. She works part time and has some savings she used to furnish the place according to her taste despite my objections. I felt she overspent and the money could have been better spent on other things.

She had a few friends over on Monday when I came home. She had ordered food and as I normally come home from work at five she was surprised to see me there an hour earlier. They were a little drunk and one of her friend made strange comments, which I thought nothing of due to the alcohol as I went to the bathroom to shower.

When I came out from the shower her other friends and sister was quoting me poetry that I had written to my gf, and was quite handsy. I found it odd and asked her where she had heard that. She goes we just read your loveletters to her before watching a movie. My gf was laughing with them.

Her sister made a remark about how she wanted me to do her the way I do her sister because she had never felt that way. I was furious but due to her drunkeness thought it impossible to talk to her. I left for my mother's house. On Tuesday she called me seventeen times but I ignored it. she also sent many text wanting to know why I wasn't home.

On Wednesday I told her in person how hurt I was for her sharing my intimate letters with her friends, and for oversharing what we do in private. She said relax it was a joke and nobody got hurt. She said the girls were impressed with me and that is why they got a little handsy. She said once I gave her the letters they were hers to share with whom she pleased. So I told her that I am my own person and can make the decision to not share more of myself with her.

Today she came to my mother's apologizing. She wanted me to come back and talk it out with her. I told her no, and that we were through. She wouldn't leave so I drove to my father's place, where I am now. She kep texting me and telling me that I should be ashamed of myself for leaving her like that. She got her friends and sister to apologize to me and they told me to quit playing games and go home now that they had apologized. I told them I was home and that as my name was not on the lease and I wasn't respected as an equal in her home I no longer wanted to be with her.

Luckily for me I hadn't moved most of my stuff there. She kept phoning and texting and I blocked her. She then made a mutual male friend of ours contact me and tell me that I was being a b-ch about it. So I blocked him too. Then his gf texted me and told me not to take things out or proportion. I am almost certain I did the right thing, but maybe I should talk it out with her before cutting all contact.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Consistent-Studio129 said:

NTA. Writing a letter to someone is always addresed to the Person who recevied it and not to her sister or friends. Sharing emotions, thoughts and love is a thing between you two. She just played with this things around her friends and sister. These loveletters became a toy for entertainment. You feel hurt and betrayed and I would feel the same way. You did the right thing for you and if you feel to break up with her that's your right thing to do. Wishing you all the best Brother. Cheers.

Gladtobealive2020 said:

NTA. She has shown her true self to you, so in a way it is a good thing she revealed her ugly character now, before your life got anymore enmeshed with hers. It is unfortunate you paid the money for the place and it is probably gone. But be thankful you learned who she really is before you waste another moment of your life or anymore money.

She clearly has zero respect for you, your feelings, or your relationship. If she cared she would not share things with others that are hurtful to you. But she did and then they laughed AT you, not with you . More than likely she wants you to come "home" because she cant afford to live there on her on. Good. Let her and her laughing hyena friends live together and laugh it up. She disrespected you by sharing your most private and intimate thoughts with others.

In addition to sharing your most intimate thoughts she and her friends were LAUGHING at you She also shared intimate information about your physical life. Her sister was getting "handsy" with you saying ahe wants you to do her....". So her sister was harassing you and she was ok with that.

Despite some commenters claiming all women talk about their sex life with their friends, that is absolutely false. Maybe it is just the women who dont care about their partners feelings who do this.

Ivy_trink said:

NTA. OP please don’t let this stop you from writing poetry and being romantic in your next relationship with a more worthy partner.

sausage-slicer said:

NTA. sharing those intimate letters and moments is betrayal. and how is it a joke? what’s so funny about it? don’t go back to her, OP; get your stuff and never look back. I would do the same if i was you. maybe she’ll learn not to be such a f-ing b-h for her next bf.

Realistic_Head4279 said:

NTA. My husband is a gifted writer and often penned me wonderful words, intimate words meant only for my eyes. He was a private man. I think his reaction, had I done something like this, would have been the same as yours and he would not have backtracked on his decision.

Of course it would never have occurred to me to share any of this with anyone. Only you know if you will ultimately be happier in or out of this relationship. This decision is 100% yours and yours alone. Whatever you decide, good luck.

Confident_Letter_482 said:

Her reaction is really the problem. If she had said, “I just really love you and I love the things you do for me and I wanted to share how I feel with my closest friends and I got carried away. but I’m sorry, it was a mistake to do that without asking you first and I can see how you’d feel your privacy was invaded,” then we’d be having a totally different convo here.


After reading a lot of the advice here and talking it out with my family and friends it seems it's best to not continue my relationship. I haven't contacted her directly but I went with my brother and my friend while she went to visit her parents..prebooked trip....

I collected my things and gave my brother the key to give to her Friday evening. She wouldn't take it from him as she wanted me to return it. My brother told her there was zero chance of that happening because of the TikTok post she had on her account going into more details about what was in the letters from me including her mentioning my sister by name and her miscarriages.

This forced my sister to tell my mother about it even though it brought up a lot of trauma for her. At the moment my sister is not talking to me, because she felt I shouldn't have shared that with anyone. I agree. It was a violation on my part even though I was looking for emotional support from my gf. My ex took down the post in hopes of getting me to meet with her.

When she realized that wouldn't happen she put up another one telling her side of the story. There were several parts and in it she was looking for the letters to show her followers, but I knew where she kept them and took them while I went to collect my stuff. I burnt all of them. I won't be writing letters to any new romantic partners anytime soon.

Her sister has been to my mother's a few times trying to get me to help out with the rent as according to my exes reasoning if I hadn't agreed to pay for the rent she wouldn't have overspent on setting up her home the way she wanted. Even if she sells the stuff she won't get the original price for it, so she feels it's my fault for making her lose money.

She did contact the landlord...filmed for her tiktok viewers while she was on the phone to him...and he denied her breaking the lease without penalties, She has to pay the remainder of the months. I asked her for my deposit through my friend while he was on the loudspeaker to her so I could hear her side without having to speak...knowing full well I wouldn't get my part, but at least he tried. She called him a lot of names. Then phoned him back and apologized because she wanted him to tell me to phone her so she could straighten out the misunderstanding, and we could get back together.

She has now taken down all the posts about me, don't know if she will upload them again once it dawns on her that we are through. She phoned my brother again to make me speak to her so she could explain, and he met her a few hours ago. He finally gave her the key as she was told either she could take it or we would return it to the landlord.

He picked up a call from her an hour after he dropped off the keys. She wanted to talk to me and to forgive her as she had seen how she made a mistake and that it wouldn't happen again. She wanted me to return the loveletters, but my brother told her they were burnt. She had a go at him so my brother cut her off.

She phoned back more apologetic and said what she had to do to make me go back. He asked her if she would be okay with me sharing her dirty pics and videos she has sent me with my male friends. He asked her this without okaying it with me first. She said she wouldn't be okay with it. I guess the double standard has completely turned me off as she told my brother that if you receive something through a romantic relationship then it stay between four eyes.

It's not that she doesn't understand that what she did is wrong, it's that she expects me to be okay with it as in her mind her feelings matter more in the relationship. She also thinks that me being taller and bigger than her shouldn't have felt threathened by her friends or sisters as I was in not really in harm's way. He then blocked her as she phoned him several times over and left him crying messages and then some angry messages to delete her photos.

Her sister left an angry message with the friend that helped me with asking for the deposit and she threathened him that if I ever leaked her nudes I wouldn't live to regret it. She told him to pass on the message to me that there is something she is very insecure about sharing about her body and she doesn't want me to share that without her consent. I am getting a new number as I can do so with my current payment plan. I am going forward from this and hoping that I make better decisions in the fututre. Thank you to all that helped me with good advice.

Here's what top commenters had to say about the update:

Scary-Inspector-8315 said:

Her double standards and that of her sister are seriously disgusting. You got rid of a cancer in your life bro. Forward and upward.

Murderobscura said:

I’m sorry that happened to you. Please don’t stop being the sweet, emotionally available man you are. Don’t let a few hood rats ruin it for the rest of women. You are going to find someone that appreciates your effort and keeps your heart safe. Good luck and for godsakes tell your family to stop taking her calls.

nandopadilla said:

I don't know what's worse. The disrespect or the fact she wants you to take it with a smile on your face.

Upper-Cat-3906 said:

So she doesn't want you to share her stuff without her consent but she can share yours without asking you? Thank god you decided to not give her a chance because that and the ''he's taller and bigger so nothing can happen to him'' part are very worrying...

Her friend and sister could've done anything to you and she would've defended them with nail and tooth just for thinking that. I'm glad you could evade that red flagged galaxy and I hope you and your sister recover and regain contact when she feels ready again.

KetoKurun said:

As a love letter writer it breaks my heart tbst something so intimate and beautiful was cheapened by your heartless ex. I sincerely hope you don’t let this experience change you, because the right woman will see those letters as the treasure that they are.

Jenderflux-ScFi said:

If she's so fond of posting social media posts, she should just ask her followers to help her pay April rent so she has time to find a roommate for May. She encouraged her friends to assault you and then told you it was no big deal, you made the right choice to stay away from her.

Hopefully you can get your number changed for free because of the harassment, and be done with the nonsense from those fools. You might want to get security cameras for your home if they try showing up there to cause more trouble.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one throughout. What's your advice for this ex-couple?

Sources: Reddit
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