This happened last weekend, on the anniversary of my (28m) wife's (29f) parents, and it was a huge party to which everyone was invited.
Quick background - My wife's family consists of her parents, her unmarried brother who is exactly my age (28m), and a younger sister who is in university. They are quite well-to-do. On the other hand, my family consists only of me and my mother (48f). My mom got divorced from my abusive dad when I was 7 and never remarried. Anyways...
During the party, my wife quietly told me that she is 100% sure that my mom is having a physical relationship with her brother (she told me they both just disappeared from the party). I was honestly shocked. She immediately said she had been eyeing and observing my mom for a while but didn't tell me earlier because she wanted to make sure.
Before I could say anything, she ran upstairs (the party was downstairs in the hall) and forced open her brother's bedroom door, and started shouting loudly. I followed her along with a few other people from the party. It was so embarrassing. I melted in shame.
My mom was there with Ben (wife's brother) and pretty drunk. They were making out when my wife caught them. Ben immediately ran towards the bathroom to put on his trousers, but my mom wasn't able to fix her clothes (I immediately covered her with my blazer, which my wife didn't like).
Within seconds, the situation escalated, and my wife's parents started insulting my mom, calling her names, and blaming her for luring their 'son' and having 'dirty' relationships with him (Ben literally locked himself in the bathroom the entire time, and no one blamed him). Everyone just blamed my mom.
My wife's mom literally shamed my mom, saying 'women like her (middle-aged, divorced) are the worst'. I somehow handled the situation and took my mom to her apartment (which is adjacent to mine; she lives alone).
Since the next day, my wife has been constantly asking me to kick my mom out of that apartment (because it's adjacent and owned by me) because she doesn't want to see my mom at all now. I denied that because I really don't understand why everyone is blaming just my mom. AITA?
OP provided an update:
Update: I talked to my wife about what's happening, and she told me Ben is literally in hot water with his parents (because they aren't supporting his relationship). He wants to leave his house and move into my mom's apartment! I am yet to talk to my mom, but Ben's saying my mom's also supporting him. It's all going messed up now.
Here are some of the top comments:
Your mom 48F from your side of the family, single, hooked up with your single brother-in-law 28M from your wife's side of the family? What is there for anyone to be mad at here?
See, I can get the fact that the age difference might make people mad. Or wife's parents, didn't liked that my almost 50 mom is having physical relationships with their son. But everyone blamed my mom, no one literally said anything to Ben. That's something bugging me.
Is no one going to mention that brother Ben ran and locked himself in the bathroom and just left mom there to take all of the heat by herself? He’s as big, if not bigger, AH than anyone else. Ridiculous sister should have tended to her own knitting and someone should have pulled AH brother out of hiding! Of course he got no blame when they had her to direct all their anger towards!
NTA (Not the A#@^ole). It's tacky that your BIL and Mom are at it, at a family party and the age gap not ideal, but he is 28, and adult. It's their business. Your wife however confronting them by catching them in the act so everyone can hear n see it themselves? Absolutely disgusting. Does she have an issue with your mother usually?
I mean it's pretty embarrassing on both their parts, especially during a party disappearing upstairs like they're at some frat party.
What do you think? Is OP right to be upset about everyone blaming his mom?