Man challenges wife; 'Your management of your menstrual cycle is bad for our relationship.' AITA?

When this man is upset with his wife, he asks the internet:

"WIBTA if I were to challenge my wife on her managing her menstrual cycle?"

I'm about to lose it with my wife, I don't know the in depth difficulties of tracking/managing the time of the month but she is always getting caught out. I've never lived with a woman before my wife, so not sure if this is the norm.

Our mattress is covered in menstrual blood stains, and the first one appeared within 3 days of getting it which I was really mad about, but didn't bring it up. Many of our sheets are stained too

She often leaves underwear with heavy blood just on the bedroom or bathroom floor. If she's had to resort to using toilet roll it's sometimes left in the toilet without flushing.

She sometimes leaves her used pads on the bed and then goes to work. We recently got a dog and she was licking one of them the other day which is the reason I'm thinking something needs to change

There have been times when I've mentioned some of the above, with responses along the lines of "Grow up, it's just some blood. At least you only have to look at it, you'll never get how awful it is for a woman" (Paraphrasing).

I've always been grossed out by menstrual blood, and that's my problem/choice. I've never tried to make anybody feel bad about it, but I've maintained that boundary.

The only parallel I could think of would be if I were to leave used tissues around the house after j@ing off, or to outright just do it on the bed and leave it to dry, which I'd obviously never do but that's probably not a fair comparison.

WIBTA if I were to bring this up, and ask her to do something different?

Let's see what readers had to say:

feign writes:

NTA. I have to admit, I was ready to throw hands at first and call you the A-hole, but her hygiene habits are not within the norm.

First off, with the mattress thing, that is absolutely a thing that happens. It's hard to predict, often, when a period is coming and if she has really heavy bleeding, the only thing you can do is put down a rubber sheet. That's my main suggestion there. Just have a rubber sheet or mattress protector under the other sheets.

As for the other stuff? Leaving bloody pads on the bed? It's completely reasonable of you to ask her to not do that, and to make sure she leaves them in the trash instead. And flushing the toilet after you've used it is just basic etiquette.

As for the bloody underwear, you could maybe discuss getting a dedicated bucket to leave in the shower or something where she could put the undies in to soak with some stain remover between washes.

Is her hygiene this questionable in other ways too, or only when it comes to her period? Because, yeah, most of this is just a matter of basic consideration of people you live with.

royalotherwise writes:

NTA - as a woman with periods.... your wife is being beyond lazy and unsanitary. Like yeah, it's normal to occasionally get caught out, even on the pill (which regulates your cycle) it sometimes can come earlier or later than expected. But leaving her pads on the BED?!

No.... no... no.... and leaving her bloody undies on the floor? Nope. Like at least get a little trashcan with a liner just for those if she plans to wash the later.... or invest in period underwear (whixh is probably the easiest solution, especially for the bed), but don't leave them on the floor.... or the bed

relative7 writes:

Are you sure the dog isn't getting the pads out of the trash and getting on the bed with them? Get a trash can with a lid and see if that stops. If it doesn't, a conversation about sanitary environments in order. Bleeding through is one thing, leaving a pad in the bed is another.

I've done it accidentally before, after period se%. Forgot the undies with the pad were still there and got up and grabbed a new pair of undies and went to the bathroom to clean up, found them an hour later. Buuuut doing it routinely is indicative of a different issue although I'm not sure what.

But anyway, lots of people have irregular and difficult to track cycles. And with heavy periods, bleeding through is common. If you have space in your bathroom and don't already have a hamper in there, maybe add one.

My best solution to unexpected periods is always making sure I have pads in my and my fiances glove box. I don't carry a purse so that works for me.

Invest in a mattress protector and don't get mad at your wife for overnight leaks. They happen. I like to get the incontinence pads for overnights because they have great absorbency. I put one on the regular way another across the back on my butt, overlapping the first. Is it se%y? Hell no, but it does a better job at preventing leaks.

Anyway, it sounds like your wife could use some help managing things and maybe she could talk to her gyno or a female friend about ways to do that. In the meantime, try to be more patient and supportive. Periods really suck.

Have to ask because I have adhd and some of what you said as far as absent mindedness and forgetting to do things sounds kinda like that...has your wife ever been screened?

robcroat writes:

ESH. She definitely has some serious hygiene issues and doesn’t seem to be making any effort to fix that, even dismissing your concerns about it. That being said, you do need to grow up and understand that period blood is gonna be something you’ll have to live with if you want to keep living with women.

Getting “mad” about a period stain on the bed instead of being concerned for your wife is not the right response. Also you’re right, comparing period blood to jacking off into a tissue is one of the dumbest comparisons I’ve ever heard.

halcyondream writes:

ESH. She needs to do better (leaving blood around to be touched/tracked/stepped in/eaten by the dog) is unsanitary. Get a mattress cover, and tell her that pads and stained underwear should be handled in the bathroom.

This is common sense, not irrationality.... It's a bodily fluid, and we treat it the same way we would used tissues, bloody bandages, or any other actually dirty underwear. Disposables going the garbage can, and we wash our hands after handling them.

Many of us wind up with a soaking bucket in the bathroom where underwear that needs attention can be dropped until we are ready to wash it.

But ALSO, Your squick about period blood is yours to handle and you should do so. If you want to be someone that gets to touch a vagina, get comfy with the idea that unplanned blood happens.

No, we can't always know when we are going to bleed, sometimes we have mid cycle blood, and often if we are close, se% itself starts the flow. MANY women have irregular cycles, and getting caught out happens.

Many of us have irregular heaviness to our flow, and the pads that work one month (or for.most days of the month) sometimes fall short, and we.wind up bleeding all over the bed, or through all our clothing and onto the chair at work.