Man concerned when fiancé won't wear her engagement ring; fiancé finds post and responds with odd explanation. AITA? UPDATED
When this man is upset with his fiance, he asks the internet:
"My fiancée hasn't been wearing her engagement ring and it bothers me + Fiancée's Post. AITA?"
I proposed on Saturday and she said yes. When I was looking for an engagement ring I wanted something different besides a diamond ring. I knew she would be okay if it wasn't a diamond. She said before if she got something without a diamond she wouldn't care.
I ended up getting her a pink amethyst instead of a diamond. It's surrounded by tiny cubic zirconias and set in silver. (I posted a link to jewelry store in my profile if anyone wants to see it). She was happy when I proposed and wore the ring the rest of the night. But she hasn't worn it since then, she just leaves it in the box the dresser.
She says that silver, cubic zirconia and amethyst are not hard or durable enough for everyday wear so she isn't wearing it because it will probably get damaged. She told me she doesn't want another ring and she's been talking about the wedding. But it still bothers me. I don't buy what she says about the ring not being for everyday wear.
I think she might not like it and doesn't want to say. Or she really wants a more expensive ring with gold or diamonds. She keeps saying the stuff about everyday wear and all that but it sounds like an excuse to me. I have tried telling her how much it bothers me but she still won't wear it.
It's been bothering me since Sunday. I spent lots of time looking at rings and she won't even wear it.
Before we give you OP's update and his fiancé's response, let's take a look at some of the top comments:
grac6 writes:
She is right. Silver, zirconia, and amethyst scratch very easily. Wearing it every day will lead to scratches. I have an amethyst ring that I dont wear daily and Ive had to get the stone resurfaced twice in the 6 years I've had it. Moissanite set in platinum isnt nearly as expensive as diamond but just as hard, and is suitable for daily wear.
OP's relevant comments:
She is civil engineer at a water utility so no. She is worried about it being damaged in regular life not work. She says silver, amethyst and cubic zirconia isn't strong enough for everyday wear.
Her mother, sister and both of her grandmothers are deceased actually. She has no living relatives that are women. I did speak to her best friend who is a woman.
cremmm writes:
I know the “it not being durable” comment might seem off, but I can actually see it being pretty reasonable.
I got engaged two months ago now with my dream ring. A beautiful black opal ring in white gold with small diamonds on the band.
I was warned opal doesn’t have a great hardness and can be damaged easily. And I have already noticed there is a small chip on the side of the gem that definitely wasn’t there.
You’ve mentioned your fiancée doesn’t work anywhere where it might get damaged: I don’t either. I work on my computer from home. And I also take it off when I do any housework to avoid damage/it getting dirty. And yet it still got damaged already.
Granted, I truthfully know nothing about the strength of amethyst. And I do think the ring sounds beautiful.
I just wouldn’t completely discredit her worried about it being damaged. I’ll admit I’m kind of timid about wearing my ring now as well after noticing the chip on it.
I hope y’all can work it out and find a good compromise. Congrats to you on your engagement.
featu7 writes:
I looked at the picture and checked out the link. I hate to break it to you , but this ring is pretty much costume jewelery. A big setting like that, with a bunch of very tiny gems all around the band and set in a super soft metal makes this ring unsuitable for anything other than dressing up an outfit once in a while.
If she wore it all the time, those tiny stones would start falling out in a matter of weeks. Shit, just getting this ring snagged on a sweater could be enough to bend the silver.
I went through a prop ring phase ages ago, and I ruined so many gaudy rings just by everyday accidents, like smacking my hand on a doorframe.
I'm not trying to be a jerk or anything, btw. You should either let it go, or get her a decent, durable band for daily wear. She can wear the current ring for special occasions. It's not worth being upset about, it's just a learning experience for you.
Next time you want to gift jewelery, it has to be strong enough to withstand its intended purpose. Take her concern for the well-being of the ring as a good sign that she values it, and your proposal. She wants to keep this ring in tip top shape because she loves it! It's just an impractical daily wear ring is all.
And now, OP's fiancé's response to his post:
My fiancée showed me his post. I would like to clear some things up: I adore the ring. When I said I didn't need a diamond I was not lying. I read tons of comments saying all woman want diamonds and I'm just saying I don't but those are wrong.
I don't want a new ring. I specifically told him not too like he said right in his post. I don't want him to return and buy me a diamond or a moissanite or whatever. I like it even though it is pink. I don't care that it was under $100.
It's the one he proposed with and I'm afraid of damaging it like I said. We're getting plain gold bands as wedding bands and I'll wear that instead of the engagement ring.
We both are okay with just wearing plain wedding bands. My fiancé understands why I want to keep the ring safe and I understand why he was bothered. But the mean comments saying if he can't afford a ring he shouldn't be engaged, women lie about wanting diamonds and the hostility around the women in my family were not great to read.