Man confused when fiancé is 'offended' by his gymnastics skills; 'She ghosted me AND our wedding planner.' UPDATED 2X

When this man is shocked by his fiancé's reaction to his gymnastic skills, he asks the internet:

"My fiancé found out i did gymnastics, then ghosted me and the wedding planner. What should I do?"

I have a regular account, but this is a throwaway for this situation specifically. I've been with her for the past 4 years-ish and we're currently engaged and planning our wedding for hopefully early next year, since we figured most of 2021 would be used to really get past the latter stages of the pandemic.

We rarely ever fight, but she insists I broke her trust over what happened a few days ago

My girlfriend works full-time as a receptionist, but she also does yoga very seriously on the side. She has a separate Instagram account just for yoga, and she also has a few clients she teaches in a gym as well.

I used to do gymnastics growing up before switching to aerial circus that a nearby circus studio offered for a few years, and it was there that I mostly focused on training aerial straps in my early years of high school before stopping due to some repeated injuries...

but I still try to keep some of the conditioning I learned there and still apply it when I'm training today at the gym or whatever, but my problem started when she asked me to help her film something.

She has a YouTube channel that she's trying to constantly grow, and she asked me to help with a splits tutorial where she would do advanced versions of stretches while I did more basic/inflexible versions of them,

but when she had me try a few of the stretches she had in mind, she was surprised with how easy some of them were for me, and when she sarcastically asked me if I could do the splits, I showed her that I could, and for some reason, she got really offended.

I wasn't showing off or anything, I just did the poses she asked. I've helped her with other videos before, but when she asked how I learned it, I told her that I did gymnastics and aerial straps right before beginning high school and tried to keep some of the conditioning exercises that I learned as part of my usual gym training routine,

but she got offended that I "never told her about it", but I did tell her about it many years ago, but she didn't seem to remember, and that's fine.

I don't think it's that important, and I told her that the last time I did aerial straps or gymnastics was like 9th grade maybe 10th, but she spun it into "what else are you hiding" and called me a liar and asked "why don't I make an Instagram just like her" and stuff like that, and I honestly didn't know why she was getting so worked up

I told her that I was sorry despite not thinking I had anything to be sorry for, but her mood was ruined and she just gave up on the video idea and said that she "changed her mind" and acted distant for the rest of the day. Things got weird after that.

Then, when I get home and I try to text her again that I'm sorry, she doesn't respond, and she's not responded to anything that I texted her for 4 straight days when we almost always talk.

Then finally about a week later, she told me that she wanted to take a break from our relationship and a bunch of other things about how "she couldn't trust me", and while I think that she's overreacting, I couldn't bring myself to say that and told her that I'd respect her request and that I was sorry for offending her again

But it's almost been three weeks, and she hasn't contacted me, and one of the friends we both have from our friend group contacted me and said that she's been talking shit about me to some of the other girls, and when I decided to open up and tell him how I thought she was being ridiculous...

he said that she cares way too much about her Instagram and other things about how he thought she was arrogant, and I'm kinda upset at myself for not telling her how ridiculous she was sounding and just sucking up, but I'm getting a little worried, and we still have engagement plans...

but I'm also reconsidering how easily she gets offended over something as small as this, and before I break her NC and try to consider calling her back, I've really been thinking about this and just need to hear some other opinions...

and I also want to ask how I should reach out after her request to have some space (to see where we stand with the engagement) and our future in general, or if I should even reach out at this point at all or just wait for her.

Before we give you OP's updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

saga699 writes:

I recommend you to talk to her since y'all have been together 4 years plus have an engagement going on. BUT, it is a bit sketchy to know how easily offended and JEALOUS she got over the fact that you could do something that she can.

How immature can you be to not talk to your boyfriend for 3 weeks just because he can do the splits? I'm not sure if this is the 1st time she has behaved like this, but this is just a glimpse of how she will react to situations that bother her (no contact, immature behavior, silent treatment).

Really think about your future wife acting like a 12 year old and can't have a mature conversation about something that clearly bothered her.

dadgha00 writes:

Dude end it. I don’t know what all engagement plans you’re currently worried about but cancel them. She hasn’t responded in 3 weeks that’s your cue it’s over. If she can’t talk to you there’s no reason to try and talk to her unless you need to get stuff back.

She’s showing you who she is. Believe her. ETA I see that she’s your ex fiancé not girlfriend... yeah tell her you want the ring and your stuff back and plan for either you and a friend to get it or one of your trustworthy mutual friends to do an exchange of stuff.

cietagah writes:

Engagement, hopefully not likely now. Honestly her throwing her toys out of the pram. Maybe she actually found it hard to the spilts originally and then you come along and bingo you do it first time for her.

Makes me wonder what is her motivation to do her Instagram and YouTube for. The fact she is chatting shit about you for being able to do this, yeah this relationship ain't going to last.

And now, OP's first update (a week later):

It's been about a week, and she's kinda made the decision to break up on her own, actually, and here's what I mean.

She actually went through and made her splits video on her own, and she actually threw a joke in there about how girls watching should ask their boyfriend if they can do the splits too and are shy about their talent, and honestly, I found it kinda funny at this point just to see how petty/upset she was over this.

Some of the girls in my friend group who kinda took my side, said that my fiance doesn't seem to understand what yoga means, and they happen to do yoga as well.

They said that she's stupid because she's certified and doesn't understand that, that yoga isn't a competition, but rather a personal journey to quote them specifically, but she seems to care more about "showing off impressive poses on Instagram" more than actually promoting what yoga is about...

and how she's basically "body-shaming" me as they put it, is the opposite of what yoga stands for, in their opinion.

They also had an issue with the joke that she made during the video, and specifically with how she told "the girls that were watching to ask their boyfriends if they could do the splits" in an attempt to see if they were "hiding it" from her, and they said that that came off as wrong and somewhat sexist and immature, and they also showed me some of the...

texts that she sent them, stuff about how she said that I'm "hiding things from her" and "why was there a need to hide something as simple as that" in regards to my gymnastics background, and personally... I think it's really dumb.

Like, this is high school behavior, and maybe not even that because when I was in high school, some people were petty, but this is just a lot.

When I texted her in regards to the wedding and asking where we stand, she didn't respond, and when I texted her again another day, she didn't respond again.

When I tried calling her twice on the same days, she didn't respond either, and I'm trying with the help of my parents to cancel the wedding on our side, but she and her parents are not responding, and with the payments they have down, we're nervous about getting looped into something that they could hold against us, and at this point, I could care less about the ring.

I asked my dad if we should go over, but he said it was a bad idea given their behavior, but we've talked to the planner who's had little communication with her family too, and that's pretty much where we are at this point.

I called her a few times, and my dad called her parents, but they aren't responding on numerous days, and I want to ask how to get out of the wedding at this point, the most safe way as possible with no strings that they could hold on us, or if it's possible to cancel it without having to see any of them again.

My dad is also inquiring how to do this on his own, but I want to ask here too, and I could care less about the ring at this point. I also want to say thanks for all the advice given out the first time, and for anyone else who decides to comment on this one.

Update 2:

To her, me not telling her something that I did, like back in high school, about quitting gymnastics way back in 9th grade, is enough means for her to get upset and believe that I'm hiding things from her, but she also knew I did straps, so idk lol.

Some others also recommended that splits probably wasn't her main issue and that she already had one foot out of the door, but given how she's been acting, I'm just thinking that yoga was her holy grail that I got too close to, like her identity or something like that.

Just like you said and the other girls in my friend group, it should be a personal journey, but she's a certified instructor and for some reason decided to half-roast me in her video and spread lies to my friends in an attempt to turn them against me, during the 3 weeks when she said she would be "thinking about things" when she really meant gossip.

I'll bring up a lawyer to my dad as he's been very helpful, but hoping to just avoid any potential money strings that she tries to pull to be difficult by ghosting me and the wedding planner.

Readers continued to weigh in on OP's updates:

adgah6 writes:

Social media popularity obsessions has killed many relationships. It's really become a measuring stick of just how mature a person is.

This girl is the kind of "friend" / "girlfriend" who only thrives emotionally and mentally based on how superior she sees herself against other people. We've all had that person in our lives since high school.

As long as it's THEM that's doing cool stuff and supposedly knows more about everything compared to everyone, all is right with the world. When they see what they perceive to be outshining them, they become vicious and petty. She would have made a terrible wife and or mother.

Personally for me, the whole yoga fixation thing would have made me wary of marrying her.

memea writes:

People are so weird. I wondered if the girlfriend was maybe cheating because she took the 'what ELSE don't I know' and ran a marathon with it. It made me wonder if she was projecting, because it is such an out of proportion reaction to what happened.

A girl who did Krav Maga with me had a full blown freak out when she asked her boyfriend to try to pin her, and he gently did. I think it was %50 a blow to her idea that she was fully competent against any man who tried to attack her, and %50 that he was so obviously worried about not hurting her and still overpowered her.

I think this post was a little bit that. The whole 'This is my thing and I'm so confident that I'm better' until someone casually surpasses you. It's probably her ego that bit her in the ass. Her ego and her immaturity.

I think OOP really did come out the winner here. I can only imagine what else she would overreact to in the future. Ghosting your fiance of 4 years during wedding planning and talking major sh!t when you are the one being a butthole is a major character flaw.

fleeeek writes:

It’s a little different because we weren’t together romantically, but I went through something kind of similar once. I lived with a former best friend for a few years who was sort of like this.

Background context, we met in college, she was very musically inclined and had done it her whole life, and I didn’t really start learning music until college (basic piano lessons and self taught ukulele).

We lived in different states for a few years after graduation, then both moved to the same city and decided to live together. Before moving in together we talked about all this music we were gonna make.

She seemed really serious about starting a band. I was really excited; I had been getting really into the local music scene in our former city as an audience member, befriending local musicians and such, and playing/writing music at home in my free time had become my favorite hobby.

A few weeks before we moved in together, I sent her a clip of a song I had written, thinking we could work on it together when we moved in together. She never responded. When we started living together she would always decline when I asked if she wanted to plan a time to work on music together.

I unfortunately took this to mean that she thought I wasn’t good enough to play with her, and that she just didn’t want to be mean by saying it outright. So I stopped playing music at home. I would bring my ukulele to work (I work in childcare) but that’s it. Nobody except babies/toddlers heard me play music for over a year.

Eventually one of my local musician friends from our former city was touring and I offered to host his show at our place (with permission from my roommate of course). He knew that a couple years prior I’d been starting out with music, and suggested I play something. I tentatively asked my roommate if she wanted to play something together.

She said yes, but then when we tried to practice she freaked out. She said I was way better at music than someone who just started should be, and that it made her feel extremely insecure.

She said she didn’t want to play the show. I said that was totally fine, and I was okay with playing alone. By that time I had like 20 half-finished songs, and 2 that were complete. I figured I would play those two and a couple covers and call it a day after like a 20 minute set. She said she did want to play after all.

We ended up performing a few songs together, and I don’t know what compliments she received, but I had multiple people come up to me after the show and say really really nice things about my singing and the songs I’d written, including a few of the other local musicians who had played who were more established than me.

She and I never played music together again after that day.