'I’m considering leaving my wife because of her weight.' UPDATED

"I’m (32M) considering leaving my wife (30F) because of her weight."

Alright before I get called an AH let me explain. I love my wife, I think she’s incredibly beautiful and even more so after she gave birth to our son 3 years ago. The problem is that she put on a good amount of baby weight (obviously) and never lost it. She instead started to gain more weight and was overall pretty depressed.

I initially assumed it was PPD and suggested she go to therapy for it. She went to therapy and got some anti-depressants, it took her a while find the right ones, and she’s been fine mentally since she found them.

Physically is a different story however. She has continued over the past 3 years to gain weight. The problem isn’t anymore that i’m not attracted to her, But she will die if she continues to gain weight. She is currently 5’2 about 260 pounds with a BMI close to 50.

I don’t know what I can do, I feel like i’ve tried everything. I’ve asked her to go to the gym with me, go on a diet with me, Not buy fast food, have some active hobbies. She’s turned down every single one of these ideas.

I feel like I don’t have any choice but to give her an ultimatum. Either she genuinely tries to lose the weight or I leave. I can’t watch the women I love and mother of my child slowly hurt herself.

I don’t want to be the dude who gives an ultimatum, but I see no other choice. I guess I just wanted to ask if i’m being an asshole or if theres any other way I could go about this.

Before we give you OP's update, let's take a look at some top responses:

frakty writes:

Have you asked her if she wants to lose the weight? Because that's the key factor here. If she says no, she doesn't want to lose it, then you can go ahead and skip the ultimatum because you know the answer already.

flack87 writes:

Also, weight loss is usually easier for males than females. Simply based on hormones and genetic predisposition to store fat certain places to support childbearing. IF she is in fact interested in losing weight, why don’t you suggest you both look into finding someone who can help her. A weight loss specialist, a health coach, a dietician, even a personal trainer.

florafuan writes:

Yikes. Using a cane at 30? That’s a major quality of life issue. I once dated a man who was about 100 lbs overweight. We dated for about three months, and I knew almost immediately that our lifestyles were not compatible just on a basic level.

The amount of food that he needed to eat, and the way he ate (type of food, frequency, etc.) was just something that I could not be involved with long-term. As well, his inactivity was something that I could not see incorporating into my life long-term.

OP added this edit to the initial post:

Edit: For everyone in the comments telling me you can be overweight and healthy, youre right. But No, you can not be Obese and healthy, at least not long term. Heart disease runs in my wife’s family and while your weight might not effect you, being overweight is directly linked to heart disease.

I understand weight loss isn’t easy, I used to be overweight, but my concern isn’t that’s she not the same way she looked when we got together, It’s that she may not live to see our son become a teenager.

And now, OP's update:

So I made a post about 5 months ago because I was getting pass the point of no return with my wife’s weight. Now Expectedly I got called an asshole and a dickhead and every other name under the book for evening mentioning it.

But I also got some real good feedback and decided before I made any real decision I would sit her down and let her know how I was truly feeling. Because at that point we had, had multiple conversations addressing it but none of them lead anywhere.

So After we put my son to sleep I asked my wife If we could talk for a moment in the kitchen. Now i’m not gonna lie the conversation was probably the hardest one i’ve ever had.

Because despite what everyone believed I do love my wife. Now I don’t want to get into every detail but the basis of the conversation was that I needed her to at least try and be healthier. I also think she needed to hear how serious I was about this and when I told her I was even thinking about separating I think it really put the nail in the coffin.

It’s been about 5 months since then and i’m proud to say my wife has lost 35 fg lbs. I am so proud of her it’s fg ridiculous. The first month was a fg hurdle and a half but now she’s going steady and losing weight at a healthy moderate rate.

Recently she even started to exercise with me. In the morning I usually jog, but since her knees are somewhat shot 3 days a week we go walk a mile or two, together and either talk or just listen to music together. I know it sounds corny to say but she even seems happier and her confidence is coming back as well.

Well this was my little update and I wanted to finish it with thanking anyone who actually gave me advice on my first post.