I (41M) have a twelve year old son with my ex wife (37F). We divorced 5 years ago. I pay child support and (formerly) alimony. Shortly after our divorce, she took in her sister's son, who is currently ten. They live in our old home, which has three bedrooms.
Almost two years ago, my ex started dating a guy and is now 4ish months pregnant. He moved in about the same time she found out she was pregnant. He has a daughter from a previous relationship. His daughter was given her own room and my son and his cousin now share a room.
My son is upset about this and asked to live with me full time. I went to my lawyer and began that process to get full custody. I have wanted full custody since we divorced, but my son had never indicated he wanted that so I did not push for it.
I also found out from my lawyer that my ex living with her boyfriend gives me the right to terminate alimony in our state (my previous lawyer said it was only if she got remarried). So, I told him to go for it.
The court has ended the alimony. The custody is taking longer and won't be decided until after the holidays. My ex is pissed about the loss of alimony it because she is only working part time and her boyfriend is a medically retired fireman. So, they are struggling financially. But, I feel that is extra money I could put away for my kid down the line. AITA?
DisneyBuckeye said:
NTA. There is a big difference between child support and alimony (spousal support). The alimony is to help keep your spouse in the lifestyle they were used to, but is typically not forever.
Now that she's with a new guy, it shouldn't be your responsibility to pay for her lifestyle any longer. It's not your problem that he doesn't/can't work. Best wishes for success in the custody changes!
Independent-Floor485 said:
Not at all. Take care of your child. You are not responsible for her lifestyle.
Weary-Pumpkin-5673 said:
NTA. Your ex moving her boyfriend in triggered a legitimate legal option to terminate alimony. If she chose to restructure her living situation without considering the potential financial consequences, that’s not your fault.
Also, your son’s discomfort and request to live with you are valid reasons to seek custody. It’s understandable to prioritize his well-being over continuing financial support for your ex, especially when her new household includes her boyfriend’s financial contributions.
lovebeinganahole said:
So you’re supposed to support an entire family not related to you? No NTA. She’s an ahole for even thinking about being mad.
RockerStubbs said:
Sounds like your alimony was paying for a whole house full of people! Get custody of your son if you both want it. Then you don’t have to pay child support either, highly likely that money is NOT going to just your son. NTA.
throwitaway3857 said:
NTA. She can work full time. They abused you for far too long with alimony. They shouldn’t have gotten pregnant if they’re struggling financially.