Man with Cynophobia gives girlfriend ultimatum about dog-sitting German Shepherd. AITA? UPDATED.
"AITA for giving my girlfriend an ultimatum?"
I (M24) am a cynophobe; for people who don't know what this means, I'm afraid of dogs. I have been for a long time thanks to a traumatic experience from when I was a teenager. I'm able to pet smaller dogs (e.g. poodles) but with anything even medium-sized I do my best to stay away from. People in my life know about this and are generally understanding, including my girlfriend Viv (F23) who I live with.
One of Viv's friends is leaving the country for a couple weeks to tend to a family matter and asked Viv if she'd be willing to take in her German Shepherd while she was gone. Viv decided to run this by me, and I said that I didn't want a big dog in my living space.
Once I told Viv this, she immediately countered that it'd only be for a couple weeks and that this would be a good way to get over my fear. I then reiterated that I wasn't comfortable having a dog that size in my apartment.
This escalated into an argument in which she told me that my phobia "wasn't that bad" and to "get over it." I then gave Viv an ultimatum: if the dog comes into our apartment, I'm staying with a friend for the time he's there.
She then called her friend to tell her she couldn't take the dog in but has been giving me the cold shoulder since.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Successful_Bath1200 said:
NTA. Your Gf is a massive AH. She knows your phobia yet still pressed the issue. The ultimatum should be that if she took the dog she was leaving (with it).
NeeliSilverleaf said:
NTA. Tell Viv she's not qualified to try and force exposure therapy on you.
MaaZeh said:
NTA in my opinion. It’s your apartment, and you don’t have to get over anything. This person could get a dog sitter.
Cool_Afternoon_747 said:
You gave her the wrong ultimatum: she chooses the dog or you, period. Your girlfriend is a total ahat and I'd cut my losses, thankful that I discovered early on how dismissive she was of your mental health. NTA, of course.
[deleted] said:
NTA. I don’t think being a cynophobe even matters. If you don’t have a dog, then why tf would you want a dog in your apartment for two weeks? Like no thanks. They smell. That’s it right there. I don’t want my apartment to smell like dog. That should be enough.
Careless-Ability-748 said:
Nta for some reason your gf is prioritizing her friend over your comfort in your own home. She needs to be more considerate.
UPDATE:
I talked to Viv about this and we came to a compromise that she'd go to her friend's place to dog-sit during the day and come home at night, when apparently another friend will tag in. We also had a long talk about boundaries and respecting each other, and she apologized for her behavior. So I'm sure this'll upset some of you, but no breakup is imminent :)