Man demands GF 'show self-respect' by dressing 'hotter' so he can show her off. AITA?

"AITA for wanting to wear pajamas/baggy clothes while going out in public with my boyfriend?"

Head-Ad-5624 writes:

So for context, me (20f) and my boyfriend (20m) were going out to a shopping center about a week ago. This area is popular, and it's always decorated beautifully festive for the holidays.

Maybe it's just me being casual, but I thought it would be cute to wear those red flannel/plaid (not sure what to call it) pajama pants with a regular black hoodie. Something about it being Christmas made it seem charming. I asked him what he thought of the outfit, and he immediately said 'no'—I was a bit surprised.

He said he believes pajamas are only to be worn in the house, and to wear them in public tells the world "I have no self-respect." I was surprised again and told him I've got self-respect and just thought it'd look cute.

He then said it would be disrespectful to him if I wore them out while with him, which I tried to understand from his perspective. I ended up switching to a more acceptable option: gray sweatpants.

Fast forward to last night, during a conversation where we were already upset and sharing our feelings about a different topic, and eventually he brings up the pajamas again. I'm still surprised that we're discussing the pajamas, so I ask, "Are we seriously still talking about that outfit I wanted to wear?"

Then he tells me about how it's not just that outfit, and that many of my clothes are baggy and too big for me. He thinks I look completely dwarfed by my clothes when they don't fit my form. Lots of my casual clothes are t-shirts that are too big for me (they're M, I'm XS-S, and even the ones in my size look big because I'm a small girl) and some color of sweatpants.

I had never considered anything negative about my baggy clothes until this conversation. He says he knows I have better, really cute and well-fitting outfits, so it comes off as lazy and me not caring about what I look like when I leave in bigger clothes.

Some quotes from him last night: "I want to show you off and be proud to be next to you, but it's hard when you don't put any effort into your appearance." "I want you to look good if not for yourself then for me."

I understand why he didn't want me to wear PJs in public, and I respect it, but he also just called out like 50% of my wardrobe. When I don't wear those clothes, I have dresses, skirts, jeans, joggers, and some slacks. But like 75% of my regular shirts don't hug my body at all.

I love this man. I want him to feel comfortable being seen with me. It's just that this hurt my feelings, mostly because I didn't know he felt this way about my casual wear. Am I just being insensitive or lazy? AITA?'

Here are some top comments from the post:

Embarrassed-Panic-37 says:

ESH (Everyone Sucks Here). I'll get to the PJs issue later, but regarding his comments on your general clothes- I can see why he might be frustrated if he typically puts in more effort to dress nicely himself. But then, he should just find someone more compatible with him, not try to control what you wear. You- wearing PJs outside as an adult is not cute.

coreyjamz responded:

Wear whatever you want anywhere you go. These are all bullshit made up ideas and none of it matters. Honestly, these arbitrary rules that we hold each other to are so damaging. Please just wear what you want and let other people wear what they want.

Maybe you don't respect them for their clothing choices, but I think it's a bit wild to think someone deserves DISRESPECT for failing to conform to your own expectations. Keep them on yourself and leave other people alone.

No_Training7373 responded:

But WAS IT a date? Or was it two adults running errands? It isn’t clear from the original post, and I think either of them could be completely in the wrong depending on that. If it’s a date and he was dressing up and wanted to kiss you in the snow or whatever, yeah, put on some nice pants.

If y’all were running to the shopping center to grab some pretzels and gift cards and he persevered on it to the point of berating you about your general attire as a college aged woman, that’s abhorrent and controlling. Y’all need to talk about fashion vs function and the timing of it all, get on the same page.

OP responded:

We were out Christmas shopping and he was returning some shoes. not a date.

atealein says:

NTA (Not the A%#hole). He is literally objectifying you, as in: looks on you as an object to be displayed and bragged about instead of a person with her own sense of comfort, style or expression.

What do you think? Is OP right to wear what she wants?