Man denies GF's incessant cheating accusations; 'I am an ATHLETE. This is WORK.' UPDATED 2X

When this man is going insane because of his GF's jealousy, he asks the internet:

"My girlfriend (23F) is convinced that I (24M) am having an affair with my doubles partner (22F). What do I do?"

I am a pro athlete, I won't say which sport exactly for anonymity but it's one where you can play singles and doubles. I met my girlfriend 2 and a half years ago and we had a wonderful relationship.

I also made it very clear from the beginning that I would often have to be away travelling around the country and occasionally internationally to compete in tournaments and she accepted this and has never had a problem with it until the coaches paired me with this girl who I'll call Lucy.

Who I'll admit I have become good friends with but that's it she isn't my type. Lucy is very conventionally attractive and most guys (100% not me) would find her more attractive than my girlfriend.

I think some of her gossipy friends have got into her head telling her she shouldn't trust me going to hotels with this attractive girl without here there (my girlfriend is always welcome to come along to spectate but usually can't because of work).

She then started reading into things that aren't there like not being happy that me and Lucy hugged each other after winning a tournament together recently, liek what!? and apparently looking too close on the team social media even though those pictures are designed to make the team look tight nit.

She is asking all sorts of unreasonable things like asking me to stay in a seperate hotel to Lucy. The coaches book the hotels and the whole team stays in the same one. It would look so strange if I asked not to be with them. My girlfriend was not happy with this explanation.

She is now demanding that I asked for a different doubles partner which I refuse to do firstly because doing so to me would be like admitting there's something going on when their isn't and secondly I am not messing with my chances of success and winning titles because she can't get over her insecurities.

During a recent conversation I admitted to my girlfriend that soon in the run up to the Olympics I will probably be spending more time training with Lucy than ever before and she absolutely blew up saying she loves me but can't deny what's going on right in front of her eyes and she can't do this anymore.

I screamed "THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON" and she stormed out and says she is going to her parents for a few days. And that's were we are at the moment.

My goodness I love this girl so much and I just want her to trust me dam it, I have never given her a reason not to. Any advice on how to convince her to trust me? please don't say ditch Lucy as a doubles partner because I ain't doing that.

TL;DR- I have have an attractive mixed doubles partner I play at pro level with. My girlfriend has listed to gossip and believes I am having an affair. I am not. Any advice?

And now, OP's first update (with comments and responses from OP):

RELEVANT COMMENTS

owiseone23:What Olympic sports have specific mixed doubles events for people who only play mixed doubles? I know tennis has mixed doubles, but the pairings are made from the people who have already qualified as individuals or non-mixed doubles.

I don't think you're doing anything wrong so this isn't a suggestion, just a question: why do you specifically play mixed doubles instead of singles or non mixed doubles?

OOP:I play all 3 there's no rule against competing in all of them. Mixed doubles is just the most successful for me at the moment.

Commenter: You have a strong emotional connection with another female. Your relationship isn’t just like coworkers, you guys are partners in a sport. Can you really blame her for not liking it? She didn’t start a relationship with you and expected you to have such a strong bond with another female. And the more time you guys spend together the stronger that bond is gonna become.

I understand it’s because of your career but who would want a partner that has a strong connection with another person of opposite sex, making a career together. They would prefer if their partner didn’t have that.

OOP: You make a good point but she knew what she was signing up for at the beginning, I made is perfectly clear what dating an athlete in this sport would be like including that it would mean training and potentially partnering up with women who are very physically fit. She was always ok with this until Lucy

agay12 writes:

Yeah, your relationship is likely unfixable at this point. If your GF is that convinced that there is something going on and her friends are encouraging that mindset, then you will not be able to get her to see otherwise.

The concern would be that this starts creeping into your sporting career, either in your own head or if your doubles partner finds out and it makes things awkward. You probably know better than most that mental focus is critical at the higher levels of sport.

I'd be sitting down with your GF and calling time on it. If you have done nothing in your relationship to warrant this kind of mistrust then your GF obviously has some underlying trust issues that need sorting out and, from what you've written, it doesn't sound like she's in the right place to recognise that yet.

Feel bad for you OP. If it helps to rationalise it, this boils down to Sport/Career vs Incompatible Relationship. One of those has a potential future, the other does not.

asgayu23 writes:

You can't magically convince someone to trust you. There is no special phrase that will make anyone go "Oooooh I see now, that makes sense, I'm fine now!"

Trust is something that can, if broken, regrow sometimes, with a lot of work involved. But you never broke her trust in the first place - it simply isn't there; at least not to the degree needed for this relationship to work out. Her insecurities are too great; this is on her.

It sounds like you are spending a lot more time with Lucy than with your partner, but that's true for basically most people and their coworkers. It's just that in your "job", it's less spread out between different coworkers and there is also what is publically shown. Not everyone would be fine with that - and your girlfriend is someone who isn't.

If you are thus (for good reasons) not willing to ditch Lucy, there might be no other option than ditching your girlfriend, unless she is willing to go to therapy and work on her insecurities. I would also recommend couples counselling, but it sounds like with your schedule and travelling, this might not be doable for you.

At any rate, you might have to realize that with your job, you require a partner who is more secure when it comes to trust.

09hauj writes:

You are not going around banging coeds all night when you are traveling for tournaments. You are a professional athlete and this is your job. You need sleep and recovery time.

I'm sure after a particularly long round in humidity and high temperatures, the last thing you are concerned with is banging a teammate. You are probably wanting 1. Cold drinks, 2. A shower, 3. Sleep, 4. Food.

I don't know how you can get it through her head that this is your job. You work with the coworker that gives you the best chance at victory.

We are talking a shot at playing in the Olympics coming up. She wants you to change partners now and blow all the momentum you have going? You don't ask her to not work with her male coworkers?

The reality is someone got in her head that probably likes to stir shit up. Probably someone that is envious of what she has and has the attitude of if I can't have something nice, then no one should. Basically a toxic person.

My thoughts run along this line: "Listen, this is my job. She is my coworker. We are damn good at our job. We are so good at our job that we have the opportunity to make the Olympic team for 2024. You asking me to change partners now is essentially asking me to not go to the Olympics.

It's the same as me asking you to not work with men at your job. This is my job. I only have so many years to be good at it and have a shot at the Olympics.

The fact is there is nothing going on except for what I suspect is someone toxic trying to tear you down or break us up. If not, then it's someone that is playing on your insecurities. Real friends don't do that.

The reality is this is your issue. I have done nothing to warrant your distrust in me. I love you dearly. But your lack of trust and faith in my personal integrity is very disturbing.

A healthy relationship can't exist like that. When I'm gone, I have complete faith in your integrity and love for me. As I said this is your problem, not mine. If it is a friend or coworker saying shit, that's what a toxic person does and that person isn't a friend.

Again, what you are asking is for me to give up the best chance to go to the Olympics due to your insecurities. That is something I can't do as I have working to this my whole life.

Please seek help for your insecurities. If it's someone whispering in your ear, why are you keeping that toxic person in your life? I have done nothing to warrant your distrust and it's tearing out relationship apart."

Update 2 (7 weeks later):

I don't know if anyone really wanted an update but things got pretty crazy. After my girlfriend stormed off to her parents we spoke again over the phone and she still didn't believe me and I was tired of it so we agreed to end things.

She came and collected her stuff a couple of days later and I thought that would be the end. Then 3 weeks passed and she suddenly comes to my place at night telling me what a fool she had been and claiming she had come to her senses and knows I wasn't cheating.

I was pretty happy to hear that and we had some pretty great make up sex and it seemed problem solved. Then for like a week and a half I started to get very suspicious of this sudden change of heart.

How she went from being 100% sure I was having an affair to 100% sure I am not like the flick of a switch.

Her behavior was also off like she was trying too hard to make it up to me, she was never asking me to do any chores like she (completely fairly did before). I was coming home to a girlfriend who had my favorite meal made on the table and dressed up sexy for me which was out of character.

I then confronted her demanding to know why the sudden change, she denied it at first but then admitted that she hired a PI in those 3 weeks she was gone to get proof of me and Lucy having an affair to prove she was right. When in fact he did the opposite when he told her after his weeks of watching that we definetly wasn't having an affair.

This was big of a breach of trust and of my private life so I told her we are over permanently this time. She actually accepted this quite calmly seeing pretty resigned to it.

We then parted amicably, She packed and left again but I did speak to her yesterday where she seemed in ok spirits enjoying Christmas with her family and she told me she is getting therapy in the new year to work on her issues and paranoia.

And for me well I am all good I thought I would be really broken up about it but I actually feel quite happy and free. Just enjoying Christmas and looking forward to trying to get into the Olympics without all the drama.

Oh and to those who thought Lucy might have been into me she has not made any moves on me since the break up at all and their has been no changes in our dynamic. Thanks all who commented.

TL;DR- We broke up, she came back claiming to believe me. Turned out she hired a PI. We permanently broke up over this. We are both doing well.