Man denies sister expensive gift for excluding his GF from wedding activities; AITA?
Is it ok to take back a wedding gift and write a check when you discover that your sister is acting like Regina George in 'Mean Girls?'
No mixer for you, Glen Coco. So, when a conflicted man decided to vent to the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about his sister's wedding fit, people were ready to weigh in on the family drama.
AITA for not giving my sister the wedding gift she wanted because of how she treated my girlfriend?
My girlfriend Naomi and I have been together for over a decade. My younger sister, Sarah, and my girlfriend have never been super close but are friendly when we get together, or I guess they were.
When Sarah was in high school Naomi helped her out with some personal things. Sarah got married a few days ago.
When Sarah announced her engagement to the family she asked Naomi to be a bridesmaid, which surprised us a little but Naomi was very excited because she's never gotten to do it before and probably won't have the chance.
I want to be clear there was no suggestion from either of us Sarah should ask her, it was about two seconds after she told us she was engaged. She said that she was so grateful to Naomi for the help when she was younger and Naomi was very touched.
A few weeks later Sarah posts her 'bridesmaid proposals brunch.' Naomi wasn't there. Sarah never said it to either of our faces directly but clearly she'd changed her mind. Naomi was hurt but said she understood because she hadn't expected the ask anyway.
That would have been fine, but then a few months later Sarah asks Naomi to go to the bachelorette party and also come get ready the day-of with her friends and bridesmaids. Same thing, Naomi says yes and even helped her find a good place to go and a rental.
A month and a half before the wedding I'm talking to my mom on the phone and she mentions that Sarah's at her bachelorette...no mention of it to Naomi. Now I'm kind of pissed because Naomi was clearly very hurt at two invites and then being sort of ghosted.
A week before the wedding Naomi texted Sarah and asked about getting ready and hair and makeup, and Sarah responds acting confused and basically tells her nicely to just come with me. Then I was really pissed.
Sarah wanted this really expensive baking mixer thing for a long time and I got it for her for her wedding gift. My mom had ruined the surprise so she expected it. But after everything with Naomi I felt like being petty, and I cut her a check instead and returned the mixer.
A few days after the wedding Sarah texts me saying 'I don't know how to ask this but what happened to the mixer.' And I responded I didn't know how to ask but what happened to treating my gf like a freaking human being.
Now my brother and my new brother in law and my mom are all texting me saying 'wtf' and that I'm ruining her happy time. Naomi for her part says I probably shouldn't have done that but she feels a little vindicated. AITA?
Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say:
duckingridiculous said:
NTA - I wouldn’t have even given her a check. I would have bought her a whisk or a spatula, and told her “oh mom must have been confused, just like you were when Naomi asked you about getting ready.” But I am petty like that.
Kindly_Egg_7480 said:
NTA. It is your gift and your choice. I am very confused about your sister's motivation on all this though. Does she have a vendetta against your girlfriend and is using the occasion to try to hurt her?
Is she very absent-minded and keeps forgetting who she inviting? Is it possible that your girlfriend offended your sister in some way after the invites? I think having an actual talk with her might be a better way to resolve this issue.
IndividualSound5365 said:
NTA - Your sister is playing games with your girlfriend and/or you and not very nice ones at that. Ghosting her and gaslighting both of you is incredibly disrespectful. And very manipulative and downright mean.
Poor Naomi, I’m not surprised she’s upset, who wouldn’t be. As for the rest of your family - ignore them. Along with your sister and brother in law, your family are all TAs for trying to make you back down. Stick to your guns and your girlfriend m’dear, she seems lovely.
NiceButton7 said:
NTA, your sister is 90s teen movie mean girl level of evil. Actions have consequences. You still gave her a cheque which is beyond generous of you.
InternalAlbatross992 said:
NTA and I love your response and the way you stood up for your girlfriend.
starlurkerx3 said:
NTA - I wonder if Sarah spun a completely different story to the others.