Man determined to attend sister's destination wedding without his wife,'It's the right thing to do.' AITA?

When this man needs advice about his sister's wedding, he asks the internet:

"WIBTA For Going My Sister's Destination Wedding Without My Wife?"

So, I'm 40M and I'm married to 40F. My sister's wedding is in Aruba, and it's in October. It's not to big of a wedding, maybe 50-60 people max, and when invites rolled in last week, I didn't get a +1. Some people did, but I didn't, maybe because I'm not really a guest guest and I'm the photographer.

When my wife saw it, she asked where the plus one was, and I just told her I didn't get one. The conversation went like

Her: So how am I supposed to come with you?

Me: You're probably not, given there is no plus one. Her: So I'm not invited

Me: Will you didn't your own invitation did you?

Her: So you're not going anymore right?

Me: Well, I already agreed to be the photographer, sorry you can't go but I made a commitment.

She got pretty upset at that last part, and said that it was rude to invite me, but not her, which she isn't wrong about, but it's her wedding so I have no say in that (before she even saw it, I called my sister and asked for a plus one, and she said no.) But I told her that's what I have to do.

She didn't like that explanation either, and she is doing a mix of A) Convincing me not to go, B) Telling me not to go, and C) Getting upset when I tell her I'm not doing either of those things. And it's started some arguments. AITA?

Let's see what readers thought:

feat8 writes:

100% YTA. And so is your sister. Unless there’s a lot more to this story, like that your wife has put a hit out on your sister or tried to run her over with a car, there is no excuse. Just for the record, your wife is not your “plus 1.” She’s your wife, and the invitation should have been to the two of you.

The fact that you’re considering taking family money and going on vacation to Aruba without your wife speaks a lot about the state of your marriage. Go to Aruba. Your wife should meet with a lawyer while you’re gone.

casadia writes:

YTA and so is your sister. This is your wife we are talking about. It is a sign of huge disrespect for your sister to not invite her and an even bigger disrespect for you, her husband, to tell her not to come.

You should apologize to your wife and tell your sister that either your wife is invited to the wedding or you’re not coming.

For context, I got married last summer. The photographer and his wife are family friends. We still invited his wife because we’re not assholes.

westcovjn writes:

YTA and your sister is a bigger one. Not inviting your wife to the wedding? And, when specifically asked, your sister declined?

The hell with that. Tell your sister she needs another photographer and use the money you would've spent on the wedding trip to go somewhere with your wife. You made a commitment to your sister? You made a bigger one to your wife. I'm stunned at what a shrew your sister must be.

cyhloefull writes:

YTA. You and your sister are AHs. There has got to be more to this story. Otherwise, the only other option is that you and your sister are socially inept, rude, thoughtless cretins. Does your sister dislike your wife?

Even if she does, it is the height of ignorance to exclude your wife while expecting you to play photographer at the vacation spot. Is your sister paying for your travel and accommodations? She should be because you are the photographer.

I am aghast at your clueless, thoughtless behavior, as if your wife being snubbed is no big deal. You happily plan to spend marital funds to attend this event while your wife is purposely excluded. You and your wife are a package deal. You both go or you both do not go.

If you do go without your wife, I hope she takes a little trip herself and spends marital funds ... hiring a divorce attorney. Will that wake you up to what a jerk you are being? Geesh, you are such an insufferable AH.

criman writes:

Is OP a bit dense? I have read his responses to comments, he doesn't seem to get the point. OP, do you even love your wife and respect your marriage? People are asking you why you cant bring your wife to Aruba even if she doesn't go to the wedding, you said because of space and cost.

Who is paying the hotel cost? Are you expecting to share your bed with someone? If yes, then why cant it be your wife. You sound a bit dodgy and I see why some people are suggesting you are going alone to hit on bridesmaids.

You are also not responding to questions asking for INFO about your sister's and wife's relationship. Also I think it is disrespectful from your sister to expect her brother to work during her wedding.

Weird dynamic in your family.. Something tells me that you are keeping some info out so that it fits your storyline. In my opinion, you were initially not invited at all. You proposed to be the photographer as a gift.

So that's how you ended up being in the wedding with no space to accommodate your wife. now concerning why you wanted to go to Aruba without your wife, we can have our own idea about this.