Man divorces wife after she changes her mind about kids, 'I’m giving up a huge part of my future.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my wife I’m leaving her because she doesn’t want kids anymore?"
My wife and I have always been on the same page about wanting children. We talked about it extensively before we got married, and it was one of the things that drew us together as a couple. However, over the past couple of years, she’s started to change her mind. At first, she said she wanted to wait a little longer, which I was fine with, but now she’s telling me she doesn’t want kids at all.
This revelation has thrown me for a loop. Having children is something I’ve always wanted, and I feel like it’s a fundamental part of who I am. I love my wife, but I can’t imagine a future without kids, and I don’t think I can stay in a marriage where that dream is off the table.
We’ve had several conversations about it, but she’s firm in her decision. She says she doesn’t want the responsibility of raising children and is happy with just the two of us. While I respect her feelings, I can’t help but feel like I’m giving up a huge part of my future if I stay in this marriage.
I recently told her that if she’s truly set on not having kids, then I want a divorce. She’s devastated, accusing me of choosing hypothetical children over her. I feel horrible, but I also feel like this is too big an issue to compromise on. Am I the ahole for ending my marriage over a change in plans, or is this a deal breaker that I’m justified in not letting go?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Sensitive_Pickle_935 said:
NTA - You are not compatible, pure and simple. Rip the band aid off and go your separate ways.
Strange_Jackfruit_89 said:
NTA. She’s allowed to change her mind (on having kids), but so are you (on staying with a partner who no longer wants kids). You want different things and they no longer align. This makes you incompatible. Perfectly valid reason for a divorce.
Alone_Discipline_896 said:
NTA. It's a tough situation where no one’s wrong—you both just want different futures. Wanting kids is a huge deal, and if that’s a must for you, it’s understandable. Your wife’s also allowed to change her mind, though.
Basically, you’re not choosing “hypothetical kids” over her—you’re choosing a future where you're not silently resenting each other. Love's great, but if you’re dreaming of diaper duty and she’s dreaming of child-free brunches, that’s a tough combo!
Worried-Pick4848 said:
NTA. You've grown apart on a very important issue. Divorce is reasonable. In fact this is exactly what no fault divorce exists for.
Turmeric_Ping said:
NTA. She knew going in that kids were an important part of marriage for you. She's changed her mind, you haven't. That happens, no blame there. But then she thinks you should totally give up on being a parent, which has always been important to you, so she can change her mind with you bearing all the consequences? I think not. Blame aside, you no longer have compatible goals in life, and you should divorce.
Upper-Set-5717 said:
NTA. You’re not choosing “hypothetical kids” over her, you’re just realizing you two now want different futures. Kids aren’t exactly something you can compromise on. It’s like one of you wants a dog, and the other wants a goldfish, you’re not getting a furry fish here. Better to call it now before resentment moves in with its bags packed.