AITA for refusing to pay for my son to go to college because I think he's too 'dumb?'
I refuse to pay for my son's college because I think he's not intelligent enough.
Subject_Ad_6999 writes:
My son uses the college as a party place and doesn't go to class or turn things in. It is stupidity.
I am so frustrated. My son, 18, went to college last year. He joined the spring semester—a chance to spread his wings and move on with his life.
The issue is that he failed every single class but one. He went on probation with the school and told me he lost track of time. I told him he needed to get off probation, get at least C's this semester, and have no issues, or I wouldn't pay.
I got a call to pick him up from the station last night ( busted for a party). I had him pull up his grades, and he is failing again. I told him I was done. I will pay to finish this semester but I won't pay for college anymore.
This resulted in an argument in which I told him I didn't think he was smart enough for college because he couldn't learn from his mistakes. He called me an a%#hole, and now my ex is on me. I told him he could pay it if he cared so much.
Do you agree with the top comments from this post?
BlaineTog says:
NTA (Not the A#%hole) for refusing to pay for more college. Your son is obviously not taking it seriously, and there's no point in him attending classes if he will fail them all.
YTA (You're the A%#hole) for telling him he's not smart enough for college. That's not what the issue is. I guarantee you he's just not attending classes or doing the coursework; most people could at least manage passing grades if they did the bare minimum. He's treating college like a big party, and he's pissed that you won't bankroll his screw-around time anymore.
I'm not generally a tough-love kind of person, but that's probably what your son needs. He must learn you can't just waste all your time f#@king around. You gotta do at least the bare minimum first.
JsCTmav says:
Overall, NTA. He's clearly wasting time and money being there; he has no interest in being a student.
The way you phrased it - that he's not "smart enough" probably did come across as a#&hole-ish. He was obviously intelligent enough to get accepted into the school, so it's not that.
He might be awful at time management, unwilling to put in any effort, might have some previously undiagnosed learning issue, or, most likely, doesn't know how to handle the freedom of being at college and is running wild.
It's a good opportunity for him to get a job and figure out where he actually wants to go with his life. Maybe in a year or two, he'll be ready for college. Or maybe he'll discover he'd be better off learning a trade.
Or maybe he'll go in a completely different direction. All are acceptable, but none means you have to keep dumping money into an education he's not receiving right now.
TigerGuitarist says:
So I’ll go with NTA. It wasn’t cool to tell him he wasn’t smart enough, but I get the frustration. It sounds like he isn’t ready for the independence part of the college experience.
It sounds like he might be better suited to get into a community college where he can still be at home to have some adult oversight and perhaps a less pressured situation to explore different majors to find something he is interested in.
I was a terrible high school student, and community college gave me a cheaper option to take some entry-level classes in different majors. I found one that interested me, and right away, all my grades skyrocketed because I started to care. Good luck to you both!
What do you think? Should OP continue paying for his son's college or was he right to no longer fund his son's college experience?