'AITA for rejecting my boyfriend's ultimatum about an open relationship?'
"AITA for rejecting my boyfriend's ultimatum about an open relationship?"
I'm currently caught in a whirlwind of emotions and relationship drama, and I desperately need advice to untangle this mess. I (24F) have been with my boyfriend (26M) for 4 years. Our relationship has always been great, until he dropped a bombshell on me.
Out of the blue, my boyfriend brought up the idea of opening up our relationship. He explained that he loves me, but he wants the freedom to connect with others (both emotionally and physically) while keeping our relationship intact. At first, I was shocked, and to be honest, I felt a bit betrayed.
When I voiced my hesitation and discomfort about the idea, he gave me an ultimatum: either I agree to an open relationship, or he'll walk away from our relationship entirely. He argued that he needed this, and if I truly loved him, I would support his needs.
This put me in an incredibly tough spot. On one hand, I'm deeply committed to him and don't want to lose our relationship. On the other hand, the idea of him being with someone else tears me apart, and I just can't come to terms with it.
I ended up rejecting his ultimatum, but now he's furious with me, and accusing me of being controlling and unfair. He says I'm stifling his freedom. I'm heartbroken, and I'm questioning whether I've made a terrible mistake.
So, AITAH for rejecting my boyfriend's ultimatum about an open relationship, or should I have been more open to his desires, even if it meant compromising my own feelings? I'm overwhelmed by this situation and need some guidance.
Here's what the top commenters had to say about this one:
Spambot19 said:
NTA - He’s to pressuring you into something you’re not comfortable with. You’re not ok with it and willing to end relationship over it. He obviously wasn’t prepared to go through with his ultimatum. Good for you for making a tough decision.
imothro said:
NTA. Your bf already has a cheating partner in mind and attempted to manipulate you into letting him sleep with her consequence-free. This guy does not love you and is flat-out abusive. Walk away for your own sake.
Straysmom said:
NTA. Most definitely NTA. Your bf wants to have his cake & eat it too. What he is asking goes against your values & self-respect. He's just pi%$y because you refused his ultimatum instead of rolling over & agreeing.
Everybody in an open relationship has to agree to it. You refused, which is exactly what you should do if this isn't what you want. Your next step is to break up with this AH. He doesn't respect or care for you.
no-_sympathy said:
NTA it’d essentially be coerced cheating if you agreed
Wiser_Owl99 said:
NTA, he proposed an open relationship, and you said no. He is free to leave at any time. I am going to guess that you live together and he wants permission to sow his wild oats while not having to 100% support himself.
Broad-Discipline2360 said:
NTA. Oh sweetie. It's over no matter what. He wants to have more partners but you don't. You two are no longer compatible. I suspect he has already cheated on you but wants more with a clear conscience. So sorry for your pain.
Straysmom
NTA. Most definitely NTA. Your bf wants to have his cake & eat it too. What he is asking goes against your values & self-respect. He's just pissy because you refused his ultimatum instead of rolling over & agreeing.
Everybody in an open relationship has to agree to it. You refused, which is exactly what you should do if this isn't what you want. Your next step is to break up with this AH. He doesn't respect or care for you.