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Man who earns $145K per year refuses to share gambling winnings with wife. AITA?

Man who earns $145K per year refuses to share gambling winnings with wife. AITA?


"AITA for telling my wife she won't be receiving any of my gambling winnings?"

I'm a 36-year-old man, and my spouse is 33. We've been a strong team for 7 years, married for the last 5. I earn a good $145k a year, while my spouse brings in about $65k. We're comfortable but not extravagant in our city - it's HCOL.

With no kids in the picture yet, we each get $600 a month for personal leisure. We are very fortunate to not ever have issues with bills, and we save for our retirement. My spouse enjoys gourmet cooking classes and weekend getaways, while I regularly need an adrenaline rush. I used to ski religiously, but I tore my ACL and for the last 2 years haven't been able to ski.

Lately, I've found that buzz sportsbetting on stake. I bet on my two favorite NBA teams every Monday and Thursday, with a set limit of $80 from my discretionary funds, never touching our joint account. Usually, it just brings an extra edge to the game but this week, I won big — a surprising $900.

Ecstatic, I decided to buy a DJI drone that I'd been eyeing, which cost about $650. When my spouse discovered how much I spent, they were disappointed. She argued that such a win should be considered a shared windfall and part of it should go towards a couples cooking class or another weekend trip. Separately she also had been hoping to use any extra funds for a home renovation project.

I countered, saying that the win was from my individual entertainment budget and thus mine to spend. I don't demand to go on her trips (sometimes she goes with friends), so I felt this was fair.

However, she told her mom (a known local rumor spreader) and I'm now being told how selfish I was. Am I really the bad guy for wanting to enjoy my unexpected windfall as I please?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

aiua_void said:

NTA but still should communicate. You guys make 200k a year with no kids and you’re fighting over $900. Seems silly but personally even when I had $20k+ of my own money that I could spend how I pleased I still communicated big purchases.

Odd_Welcome7940 said:

NTA...Ask her why she has never offered to pay for half of your losses. If she wants half the winnings to go to you both she should absorb half the cost.

PaceNo4108 said:

Technically NTA-your money do what you want. Most partners feel more connected to the partner when choices are made with them, when decisions are made that benefit both people, when purchases and savings are put towards a shared future.

So while NTA in the general sense, your partner has every right to be sad, disappointed, feel left out, all those feelings are valid. This likely isn't the only time you have done and enjoyed something solo, and it may be time to invest in your relationship and do something together. PArtners like it when their partner picks them.

So while you likely logically where 100% correct. Nothing you did made you a good or better partner.

badpandacat said:

ESH. Yeah, your windfall, but does she use her cooking classes to make your food? You could have used some of your winnings to buy her some quality ingredients for her to show off her skills and maybe a nice chef's knife.

That said, if you are gambling for a rush, your limit is going to creep upward. Your post makes you sound very immature. Hopefully, you guys will improve your communication.

RealMenEatPussy said:

NTA, it’s not like you won a million dollars, you won a few hundred bucks. She’s just greedy and showed her true colors. A few hundred bucks you got lucky and won isn’t a “windfall." It’s spending money.

SoapGhost2022 said:

NTA. You won money by spending your part of your fun fund. She doesn’t get to claim part of it for herself. Like you said, you never demand to go on her trips with her. And she went to whine to her MOTHER? Men get bashed for doing that, and this is just the same.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this couple?

Sources: Reddit
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