'AITA for not wanting to make plans with a woman who had to bail twice because of her kid?'
"AITA for not wanting to make plans with a woman who had to bail twice because of her kid?"
This is the first time I’ve had drama with my best friend since HS Trenton (both 27M). I’ve known his wife Chrissy since college and during their wedding I met Becca who was the maid of honor (28F). Really cool person, she has a 6 year old who she brings to Trenton/Chrissy’s when I’m there so I’ve gotten to know Becca well.
Recently I broke up with my GF and I was hanging out more at Trenton’s because Chrissy is pregnant. Chrissy suggested that since I don’t have anyone to do things with right now that I should get closer to Becca because she likes to try new places too. Becca is fun, easy on the eyes and would provide great company. We made plans to check out a new brewery and I was clear that it was as friends.
We texted back and forth a few times during the week leading up. Saturday comes and 2 hours before she calls frantically saying her kid was having a meltdown because of her dad's parents and was sick so she had to cancel.
I told her it was all good. The next week we didn’t talk as much and Chrissy asked if I was gonna give the friendship another go. I said maybe. On Monday, Becca called me apologizing and asked if I wanted to check out the brewery Friday.
I said absolutely. Literally 1 hour before she calls me almost in tears. Saying babysitter canceled and asked if I’d be okay waiting for another hour. She was going to take her kid to her parents who lived 30 minutes away and then would meet me.
I told her I wasn’t gonna wait around another hour because the whole point of this was to have friends to do things with. I had been bailed on twice, so I was gonna go.
She offered to have me come to her place and she’d make us a drink on the back deck and we could hangout there for the night till her kid went to bed. I said that wasn’t the kind of friendship I was wanting and it just felt like our schedules were not aligning.
I wanted a friend who I could do things with consistently. My time is valuable and two weekends in a row I made plans that feel through. I said maybe there was too much baggage here. She apologized and said she wanted to make it up to me. I said there was no reason to do that.
We could just be casual friends like before. But if she ever wanted to hangout late night when she has more time then she had my number. That was the end of it. Well starting on Monday, Chrissy has been pissed at me. I stopped at their place last night she had comments for me. I told her my side and she said I knew Becca had kids and that things would pop up.
I said I knew they would, but I don’t want my time being wasted. While Becca was cute, her lifestyle is not something I’m into. So we could go back to the way things were. Chrissy kept going at me in a way I’ve never seen before. Me and Trenton gamed last night and he said she’s still mad, but thinks it might just be pregnancy hormones. AITA?
Edit: I like to go out and try new places. Not sit in. But bars and restaurants close. So I was fine hanging after because if she wanted to do something and it didn’t mean I had to sacrifice the things I like to do. But I didn’t want to waste anymore of the time I see as more valuable because things are open then. Does that make sense? Trying to articulate here.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
derpy-chicken said:
Way to bury the real reason YTA. You basically sent her a text that said “I’m not gonna put any effort in, but if you wanna b^%$, hit me up.” And yes, that’s gross. I was going with a n t an until that point.
Weekend_Breakfast said:
I think Becca dodged a bullet. YTA for how you talked to her. You don't have to want to be friends, more than friends, into her lifestyle, etc. You could at least be polite and keep it to yourself that her emergencies with her kid are a waste of time and indication of baggage in your eyes. PS: She didn't bail on you the second time, she was running late. You bailed.
AndSoItGoes24 said:
You literally told Becca you were looking for her to be a b$#@^y call and you don't get why your friend's wife is unhappy with you now? Yikes dude. It seems Chrissy expected you to be a tad more chivalrous than that? Most folks would have had that small expectation, I think?
So, YTA. Declarative. Forthright. Straight to the point. And still TA. Its not Chrissy's pregnancy hormones that caused the problem. Its the fact that you expected to b^%$$y call her friend.
HoshiJones said:
Maybe Chrissy is annoyed because you basically told her friend she's not worth bothering with unless it's for a late night hookup. YTA.
seregil42 said:
You're not an AH for the lifestyle you want (or don't want), but YTA for how you handled this situation.
Monicalynn1 said:
NTA. As a single mom, I also value my time and would be upset if someone canceled multiple times in a row. Being single and childless doesn’t make your time any less valuable.
My friendships/relationships are heavily based around people that are cool with me being a single mom, and I’m not mad at those who aren’t interested in that friendship or relationship wise.
It sounds like they were trying to set you up and are upset that it’s not a dynamic you’re interested. Literally nothing wrong with that.