I am a ph.d student who has been dating an "executive assistant" for five months. It's going well. We have a lot of fun, we're both crazy busy, so frequently our dates our chinese food and redbox movies but it's all good.
She goes to a lot of events with her boss, business dinners and charities and basically anything where he's too lazy to bring a notepad and makes her give up her finite free time to accompany him.
I get invited to some- partially due to my desire to actually see my gf- and, due to school and work, went to the first last weekend- a dinner at his house, a casual business mixer type deal.\
I was underdressed. My definition of business-casual was navy slacks and a button up. By the time I showed up, a little late, admittedly.., it was too late to stop by my place and fix this. Oh well. I'm confident, I don't care. But she seems to and is slightly irritated.
We get there and I meet her boss, who's kind of smug and a bit of an ass but seems nice enough. Right away, she asks "Rob, do you mind if Cohen borrows a tie and jacket? I didn't relay the dress code." He says "That's unlike you, but sure the jacket will be too big in the shoulders, but go ahead". She leads me up to the guy's bedroom and goes right into his closet and grabs some stuff.
That night everyone basically ignored me, she didn't seem to notice. She was too busy backing up everything this guy said and mingling with coworkers. She apologized later, said she can get a bit obsessive about work. I understand, vowed to never go back, and that was that.
Last night I was over and using her computer for some assignments, mine is down, I go to send myself an email of my work- hers is up and I figure whatever will work just as good.
Until I notice the subject of one is "your boyfriend". I open it. it's from the boss. Boss: Your boyfriend has my favorite tie. Procure it promptly. You would choose that one out of the hundred other ones. Wench.
Gf: It is already back in your closet! I can't help it he looks nice in red :p What did you think of him anyways, approve?
Boss: He looked like a little kid playing dress-up in my clothes. But in all seriousness, he is a little kid. He's still in school and in an immature place. He's not husband material. You want kids and a house in a coupleof years. Date someone who can give you that. Date a man.
Gf: Thanks for being honest. I value your opinion. Husbands aren't exactly growing on trees though.
That was the last. I left soon after and haven't talked to her about it. I feel completely disrespected. At the same time, I read her email, which is a no-no. How should I approach this?
tl;dr My girlfriend's(f/27) boss(m/34) has made some comments about me(m/25), calling me a kid and saying I wasn't husband material, that make me feel disrespected, especially her response- where she basically agreed. How should I approach this?
I followed the advice (some of the advice) and told her how I stumbled across it and all that jazz. She was upset I read her "work" emails, but understood why I wasn't happy with what I saw. She explained that her boss is more than a boss, he's also a friend and collectively they've been through a lot together.
That in the three years they've worked together they've each lost a parent (her father was estranged from her family and none of her siblings would go with her to the funeral, but he volunteered and helped her handle it) and have climbed the corporate ladder together.
She explained that it was private- the same as me asking my friend on fb what they thought of her and her reading it. So, I'm a little uncomfortable with it and their closeness in general.
I also told her it irritated me that she didn't specify business casual meant in her world. She said that a button-up would have been fine, but I wore a plaid one (a nice plaid button up, not lumber jack) and that was too casual. She also told me she was mad at me for being late, that it's important to Rob that when he hosts she is early, and on time is late, and late is very late.
We didn't deal with the big issues- babies and marriage because it's just too damned soon and went on our way being happy this week.
Until last night, around 2 am, boss calls and says he's sick, she needs to check up on him, blah, blah. She is about to leave, I express my discomfort and she reluctantly invites me. Tells me to keep clear of him and just wait, it shouldn't be long, and she'll use my presence to avoid staying long.
We get there and he's in the front room, can't avoid him seeing me. He's in his underwear (Which I'm not happy about) and is obviously fairly sick and furious about being sick. Gf is ridiculously tender with him. rubbing his hair and telling him how they can readjust most of his meetings.
Except for one and they'll make it a phone meeting. They'll work from home tomorrow, she'll go get everything in the morning and just bring it to his place. Blah, blah.
He makes eye contact, I'm hovering as close to the door as I can feeling for all the fg world like I'm the interloper and almost looks smug at me. I swear to god he did.
Then he asks if they can have wonton soup for lunch and fortune cookies "like usual". She says of course, and then brings him to his room and fg tucks him in (I assume) after giving him some medicine.
We leave and get into it. That's just too close for me. She needs to draw lines if she wants to keep dating me. She accuses me of just being jealous and uncomfortable. Says Rob has never made a pass at her and never will. Fight gets a little ugly and insults fly (I say she all but gets paid to s his d, she says the only difference between me and a college freshman is I can buy beer).
And it's over. This all occurs in his drive way. She gets out, says she'll just stay here. If he wasn't too sick to get it up, I imagine they probably had se%.
tl;dr My girlfriend's(f/27) boss(m/34) has made some comments about me(m/25) that make me feel disrespected, especially her response. We talked about and resolved it somewhat.
Until he got sick, she went to mend him and was rubbing his hair and obviously being overly attached as he watched me smugly. Get in a fight, ends poorly, we break up, she marches into his place.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
tehyoots
Holy shit, she has gone crazy town. You should stay super far away from that. I know it's hard, but I have a feeling you're going to get over this one quick and laugh it off in a couple of months.
Also, "they climbed the corporate ladder together..." Umm... she's a (glorified) secretary. She's climbing something, but it's no corporate ladder.
OOPI mean, when he gets promoted her pay grade does go up and he chose to have her come with him, instead of opting for someone with more experience or whatever.
I hope you're right. I was pretty pissed and all righteously angry, but now that that is fading I am kind of bummed out. She was a good person, funny and smart and se%y as hell, and we spent five months together. I don't want to miss her.
~
[deleted]
The difference between you and college freshman is that a college freshman would have tackled him to the ground and pummeled his face in when he answered the door in his underwear
OOP I didn't realize he was just in underwear at first and by then I could tell he was very sick, couldn't keep down water etc, and less inclined to be aggressive. She has a key and he was on the couch using a throw blanket thing
[deleted] OK, I've never possessed the key to a man's home who was not sleeping with me on a regular basis. I also never made 2 AM house calls to care for a man who was not penetrating me on a regular basis.
I don't claim to speak for every woman in the world, but this has been my experience
OOP She's his personal assistant, so she drops off dry cleaning, walks his dog sometimes, that sort of thing
[2nd deleted commenter] "OK, I've never possessed the key to a man's home who was not penetrating me on a regular basis. I also never made 2 AM house calls to care for a man who was not penetrating me on a regular basis."
"I don't claim to speak for every woman in the world, but this has been my experience." I was an executive assistant for 9 years, and this is also my experience. Your (now ex) GF and her boss have a weird relationship
Well, I've been drowning my sorrows in Newcastles and biographies when I got a text from my ex girlfriend. I obviously hoped she was begging for forgiveness and pleading me to come back to her. Both because I missed her and I wanted to turn her down (I'm a complicated fool of a man).
She was not: I wanted to let you know I'm sorry for what I said. Once you compared my entire career to that of a prostitute I lost my temper and said a lot of things I regret. I hate to end on a bad note because we were both hurt and lashed out. I also wanted to let you know you are right about Rob.
Just because I would want to know if I were you and you deserve to know you weren't crazy. I didn't think he felt the same way and I resigned myself to trying to love someone else. I didn't do a good job. How could I when he was constantly there? But then it turns out he's felt the same way all along.
He just didn't think he could cross the line. It had to be me because Rob felt as my superior there was no appropriate way to confess his love. Two years of us being stupid and stubborn but we are finally together. We are hashing through it with HR now and they're not giving us any problems. Sorry we put you in the middle of our personal games. I wish you all the best.
So She is going to live happily ever after, never loved me, and I wasted five months. Gonna become a monk now reddit. g2g find God.
tl;dr They are living happily ever after. I am drinking Newcastle and exploring the possibility of eternal celibacy.
EDIT: I don't want to do an update because there is no reason to do one but I would like to just say that I don't begrudge her happiness or want her to catch on fire or anything like that.
I'm a little bummed out that it ended this way (because despite this, she was a fun girlfriend, we did a lot of fun stuff together and she even reddited so we had a lot to talk about and she is EXTREMELY smart
((honestly she does a lot of her boss's work and gives great throwback, if it weren't for her fd up family she would have gone on to be an executive.. not an assistant) but I'm not getting drunk or wasting away. I am just having a few cold ones and playing videogames because I'm an introvert and this is how I cheer myself up.
Anyways, my point is I'm not a hero and she isn't the villain. We never said we loved each other or anything. I saw it maybe going in that direction, unless I end up teaching in Nebraska or something.
I said a shitty thing to her and it all unwinded from there (and I did start the shit in that conversation- now that it's done, I realize that).
I'm a little dissapointed and a little bitter but I don't hate her or want her to lose her job or get crabs. I just kindof want everyone to be happy and maybe to get laid this weekend. Not that we'll be friends, I just don't have time to hate her. Thanks for all the advice.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
SaltyFresh
I don't know the whole story, but giving all those details is so very unnecessary. What a terrible move. It would have sufficed to say 'your suspicions were right, I"m sorry I lied to you. I hope we can be friends'. Instead of delving into the details of her romantic affairs with someone else while knowing she broke your heart.
OOPYeahh... looking back that's why we broke up that night. Not that we should've stayed together because obviously it wasn't going to work out. But when you start a conversation with "Can't you see he basically pays you to s his d?" most people aren't willing to be constructive.
And that's when she said shitty things and I said shitty things and she decided she would rather not drive home with me and decided to stay there. and they talked and decided they were in love or whatever the kids call it.
So..it was a pretty spiraled fd up last night. and I was still angry when I wrote my last update which might be a tad biased...