Man forbids husband with $13,000 of debt from using his credit card, 'I feel guilty.' AITA?
"AITA for not letting my husband with $13,000 of debt have access to my credit card..."
Okay so my husband (36M) and me (33M) keep getting into arguments over money, especially getting him onto my credit card as an authorized user. I’ve got 0 credit score because I immigrated here to the U.S. and only just managed to open a line of credit. I wasn’t even able to finance a car without huge interest on it (only one bank accepted me) so I’m still without a car.
He has not been good with his credit history, racking up $13k of debt with Amex before we had met which he has yet to pay off. I suggested to him he should see if he can improve it with a credit builder loan but I am not comfortable with him being on my credit card or having my CC details in his phone. He responds with saying married couples should be sharing assets and building credit together?
Is it a given that spouses should have shared credit? Because I’m trying to establish my own credit history I cannot risk a bad credit score if he racks up debt without the means of paying it off. At the same time I feel guilty because he did support me when I wasn’t able to work before I got employment authorization. Am I the ahole here for protecting my own interests?
Here's what people had to say about this one:
rashea11 said:
NTA, but you have a bigger problem. Legally, you are almost certainly on the hook for his debts if he got them while you are married. Please check your credit score. You get free chances to check.
That will show you all your debts and credit lines. You should insist on seeing his as well. Many companies now offer EAP (employee assistance programs) that often include a consultation with a financial advisor. If this matters to you (both), then make a plan.
AverageDecency said:
NTA. NO, DO NOT DO IT. Credit abuse is a real thing, I lived through it. In the US, credit card companies do not have to abide by court decisions about whose debt it is either. If your name is on it, you will be on the hook for it. Just finished paying off $30,000 in debt that my ex racked up in credit cards he opened in my name, without my knowledge, while we were married. Took me 8 years!
FormSuccessful1122 said:
NTA Do NOT allow him to be an authorized user on your card. Do NOT. I can not emphasize this enough. DO NOT.
Appropriate_Map2685 said:
NTA - Do NOT add him to your account under any circumstances. I would also recommend making sure he is not listed on any of your personal bank accounts. I have been married for 36 years and my spouse has never been listed on any of my accounts. I am a saver, he is a spender - and I am not giving him the keys to the piggy bank. It's common sense, don't let him try to guilt you.
ShannaraRose said:
NTA. Credit cards should be used only if you can pay off the entire balance each month, or in extreme emergencies for the least amount possible if you can't. They're a necessary evil to build credit history, but otherwise the interest rates are crippling, as your husband should know all too well.
The best thing you can do to build credit is buy something small that you already have to pay for on your card, and pay off that balance on time every month. You can support him in other ways - giving him easy access to credit to buy things he wants but doesn't need while he has a large unpaid debt is not support. It's enabling.
A rough general idea - if you buy an $800 item on credit and only pay the minimums, not only will it take you years to pay off, but you'd end up paying almost double by the time you did pay it off. That's how people bury themselves in credit card debt, and it's hard to dig out when you're inside the hole.
Later, OP provided a mini update:
Thanks everyone! I really needed this vote of confidence and encouragement to stand my ground on this. I feel less guilty for putting my foot down with him. Going to see if I can put a freeze on my credit report this week and see if we can get him onto a personal finance course.