"AITA for making my wife drive even though she hates it?"
I have never had an accident or a traffic ticket in the 15 years I have had a license. My wife has totaled two cars, been in several fender benders, and has come close to losing her license on demerits.
Despite this whenever we are driving somewhere and I'm behind the wheel she is constantly nagging me – about my speed, about other cars, about upcoming traffic lights, basically everything.
For the last two months I have refused to drive anywhere with her unless she is driving. I do not say anything about her driving. I don't warn her about stop signs, I don't mention that she should brake when she is going to rear end someone, I just let her drive. She has a Volvo. I will survive.
She has been complaining that she hates being in charge of driving when we go out. She doesn't like to drive after having wine with dinner or a beer with friends. Even an hour after the drink. She hates that I can nap on the way home from visiting family that lives a couple of hours away.
I told her I would go back to driving, but that I would stop if I heard any criticism from her about it. She thinks that isn't fair. She says I'm punishing her for being fretful when she isn't in control. I pointed out our driving records and said that she should be more afraid when she is driving than when I am. She thinks I'm behaving like an a^%le. Am I?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
YTA. Your wife has serious driving anxiety. It happens often to people who have been in accidents. There are classes she can take to overcome this. That is why she’s a nervous backseat driver with you and terrified to drive herself. People die in car accidents all the time, it’s not “no big deal, she has a Volvo”. Maybe some empathy and helping her get support to overcome this would be nice.
Strange that she only objects to me not driving. She has no problem driving alone.
That is sometimes the case for people with amaxaphobia (driving anxiety). The enormous responsibility of having passengers’ lives in your hands can trigger the severe anxiety.
Alternative-Pop6452 said:
NTA I am a very nervous passenger, even though my spouse was an excellent driver – the best driver I ever ride with. I have learned to monitor my anxiety, and if I need to distract myself, I look at my phone or listen to music with earphones. It doesn’t help the driver to comment on their driving.
annang said:
ESH. She shouldn't backseat drive you. But she also shouldn't be driving. One of these days she's going to seriously injure or kill someone. You might be fine in your Volvo, but a pedestrian or a child on a bicycle wouldn't be fine when she hits them, and it's irresponsible of both of you.
Odd_Welcome7940 said:
You aren't punishing her for being fretful. You are punishing her for not being able to control her being fretful to a point she doesn't endanger you as the driver or annoy you until you can't handle it. NTA.
VisionAri_VA said:
NTA. Feelings and behaviors are two different things. She likely can’t help being fretful but she can help backseat driving. She can read a book, play games on her phone or take a nap — anything to take her mind off your driving.
Independent-Moose113 said:
NTA. You have a good plan going. Eventually, you'll be driving again, and hopefully she'll keep quiet when you are.
blootereddragon said:
NTA having someone nagging you is dangerous. My mother will shriek, causing me to slam on the breaks and nearly get into an accident (when there was nothing going on to cause one until that point). She's learning to control herself but if you aren't driving STFU.
glueintheworld said:
ESH. She needs to STFU about your driving but if she is that bad of a driver she shouldn't be driving, forcing her to drive meant you made her a risk to innocent people.